Friend is struggling to have a baby- how do I support?

[cupofdecaf]

My best friend is lovely. She's expecting to miscarry an early pregnancy soon and isn't hopeful about carrying a pregnancy to term. I'd rather not give the rather outing details.

I have children myself so I know why she'd want a baby but don't have any experience of what she's going through.

What can I do to help?

It’s really kind of you to want to support her through this. Everyone is different but personally I appreciate when friends check in and ask me how I am but don’t pressure me to talk about it. Sometimes I feel like sharing and sometimes I just want friends to be there to make me laugh and distract me. I also appreciate when they spend time with me without their kids as that can be a painful reminder of what I’m missing.

I would recommend her to come on this forum...everyone is different but for me I feel I can't talk to many friends IRL anymore as they just don't get it and it's way too personal and upsetting....for me, I like my friends for fun chat and humour etc right now but nothing deep as I just can't go there...it's too painful but having a support network is essential it just helps so much when it's both anonymous and the network 'gets it' so if she isn't on this forum I would definitely encourage her to be x x x

OP Thank you so much for asking this question. You must be such a good friend. I struggled for years with infertility, multiple miscarriages, multiple failed IVF and then fell pregnant naturally (big surprise). It was the loneliest period of my life and many friends who found it too difficult or awkward to support me while they had their own families drifted away. Those really good friends who stuck around were just open and upfront about what was going on. They didn't hide their happiness or family news and at the same time showed empathy for what I was going through. They checked in on me if they knew I was going through an IVF cycle and weren't afraid to ask me how it went. They called in with cake when I miscarried. One friend was 8 months pregnant and showed up at my door with flowers after a failed IVF cycle where another pregnant friend never contacted me again.

A simple "I'm here for you when you need me" was the kindest thing they could do. They didn't offer suggestions or solutions or tell me to "just relax" or even better "just adopt". They were just there, that's all they had to do. There's nothing you can do or say to make her situation better but you can let her know you will always be there for her no matter what happens or what she decides to do in the future. All you can do is help make her feel less alone.

When I did fall pregnant I could tell those few friends my news and they were so truly happy for me and I feel so lucky. There were so many tears!! Lol I'm in tears now writing this.

This weekend I get to tell my friend with the flowers that I mentioned above my news in person and I know she will be over the moon and I can't wait to tell her thanks for being there.

Good luck with your friend and thank you for being so kind xx

Thank you ladies. I'll just be there. I'd be so happy for her though if she does have a baby.

Just want to say how kind you are. I hope you're chosen to be a godmother when her time comes. X