Failed first round

[Hllouise1702]

Anyone got any advice on how to pick myself up? I feel really down

Hi @Hllouise1702. Really sorry to hear this. I had a failed first round too and will get confirmation Friday when I test of a likely failed second round (very poor quality embryo transferred).

I wouldn’t try and fight feeling down, you need to grieve for what you’ve lost and the dashed hopes and expectations that come along with this. So be kind to yourself and what you’ve been through, IVF is hard and often heartbreaking. Hopefully you’ll be in a position to try again and if so, what’s helped me is being pro-active and making a list of what I wanted to ask the clinic at the review meeting in terms of what they would change next time, what meds they would alter, if they offer any add ons like an endometrial scratch that may help, if they think it’s an embryo issue and they’d recommend PGS testing etc. Having a plan and feeling like I was back in control and trying to get the best information for my own benefit helped me feel stronger.

I hope you have a partner who’s able to support you through this (my big mistake first time round was not realising that my partner was suffering as much as I was as I naively thought that I had it worse, so please remember it’s not a competition, you’re in it together). Talking definitely helped and also remember that it’s not your fault. I definitely played the blame game (why did I Hoover 4 days after ET, I was really stressed at work that week etc) but in reality it wasn’t meant to be and nothing can change that.

Sending you all the best for the days to come.

I'm so so sorry both. What you are feeling is totally normal it's devastating when a cycle fails. Self care, trying to do some stuff you enjoy and allowing yourself to feel how to you is the best way, talking to others who will support you and also the fertility clinic counsellor might be helpful too.

OP yes I agree that being proactive in terms of what could be improved for the next cycle if you're looking to go again can be helpful and making a 'plan' as best you can.

Thinking of you both xx

Hi @Hllouise1702 - sorry to hear your first round was unsuccessful. I know it won't make things any easier, but a first cycle (you used the word 'round' so I'm not sure if you're talking about a single transfer here or a full cycle) is often considered 'diagnostic' and the vast majority of people will not see success from one cycle alone.

I'm not sure what exactly happened in your situation, but your clinic should have learned a lot from how you responded to the protocol, what happened to your embryos, if you got a transfer etc. All of these elements can be taken into account and depending on what happened, can be tweaked if you decide to go into another cycle.

Similarly, if you have any embryos left and you've had a failed transfer, there are lots of investigations that can be undertaken on either your embryos (i.e. PGT) or uterus (i.e. ERA/EMMA/ALICE) to see if there might be any underlying reasons why you were not successful.

Either way, you should be having a consultation with your clinic who will go through what has happened and outline their thoughts for what you should do next. I would advise doing some research in advance and taking a list of questions that you would like to know the answers to.

I will say that I didn't really too down after my first cycle was unsuccessful as I had expected it due to the stats, although I was disappointed. I totally understand anyone that does feel upset or sad afterwards though. What helped me was making a plan for my next one and trying to get help/advice as to what could be changed to hopefully make it better. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks everyone. I'll definitely think of a list of questions to ask. We had a full cycle but had to do freeze all so seems like we have been doing it for a while as started the IVF in early Feb and then had transfer in May.