One last chance

[DamnitImTired]

Long story short but I have had 5 EC in the last two years ... Im 42 with Low Ovarian Reserve. My results have never been particulary good with one blighted ovum, one chemical and then 1 other BFN.

We decided that we would 3 last rounds and I have done 2 of those already .. My doctor said yesterday that he doesnt suggest doing the 3rd round as it seems unlikely I will get my magic egg due to the poor egg quality, fragmentation etc...

My heart was set on doing 3 rounds even in the face of poor odds, that was my personal cutoff for moving on. It seems a psychological thing for me and now he has cut me short. I want to respect his medical advice but I feel cheated. My husband says that even if the next round failed I would want to do more but I feel cut short on my plan. What if my magic egg is in my last round that I have now been told I cant do.

Im not in UK by the way and changing docs is just not an option.

It’s your body and your money and it doesn’t hurt anyone else to do it (unless your husband is v set against it) so if that’s what you want to do, then your should. You don’t sound like you’ve got a delusional sense of the probability of it working out, it’s just what you feel you need to do to get some sense of peace with yourself and move on to take whatever decisions are in front of you. I can see that the doctor is trying to support or protect you perhaps, but ultimately, it’s your life and they’re just giving their advice.
Hope you can choose whatever feels right for you.

Have you already paid for a 3 cycle package? I'm not sure how things work abroad.

I'm 42, have done 3 ECs, 1 BFN, 1 on ice still to transfer. I have already decided that i want one more round if unsuccessful, as my original thoughts were that i wanted a best of 3 transfers approach. I do think it's important to have a plan which will give you the most peace of mind whether things work out or not. It's very difficult to call time on IVF, so you need to be comfortable with the decision.

Another vote for your body and your money. Being blunt but fertility isn’t an exact science. Fertility doctors never seem that knowledgeable to me.

Not a question you asked but would you consider switching to donor eggs?

Sorry, I’ve just re-read my post and I think I was overly negative. It’s true that doing that final round might be what you need for closure, but it could also be the one successful round. Like the poster above said, it’s not exact, and probabilities are just that, someone has to be the unlikely statistic. I really hope you get the positive outcome you want, and then failing that, I hope that you find some new plan that you can feel positive about too. And my experience is that other women who have felt that pain are probably better placed to point you towards donor eggs/adoption/child-free life or whatever fits best than opinionated doctors. Read lots and listen to people who have been through it and listen to yourself most of all.

If u don’t want to stop then don’t listen to anyone they carnt see the future they don’t know for certain you won’t get your magic egg
it’s you that has to live childless not them they will never know how it feels xxx

Any of you comfortable insisting a doctor proceeds when he has said to stop? Changing docs is not an option.

Hi @DamnitImTired that is a really tough situation. We are currently doing IVF in similar circumstances where we've a very low chance of success (although for a sibling so we do have one child already). I thought we were agreed on doing 3 rounds but my DP just said he only wants to do 2. It's a tough one.

I would talk to your Dr again. Say you know the odds but for you it is about peace of mind and doing what you need to do to move on. The way you have phrased it, the Dr hasn't refused to do it, just said it is against his advice. I have ignored our consultant's advice on a few occasions - it's always a bit scary but ultimately your decision. In our case I was refusing recommended treatment! You have to make your own decisions with these things.

Best of luck with your IVF journey xxx

I agree with everyone else. This isn't about having a good shot; it's about having your best shot, and going to the lengths you promised yourself. I suspect the doctor has come across people who don't know when to stop (which must be a very difficult decision to make) and is trying to be ethical. But if you set out to have three last rounds and you still want to, that's the kind of thing that could play on your mind.

I understand you don't want awkwardness with the doctor, but if you explain as you have here, I think he'd understand you're not challenging his expertise. You don't seem at all delusional.

And you never know, it could be the one. That's the point isn't it! At least you'll know.