Struggling to cope with second pregnancy announcements from friends and family - any advice?

[Bexyboop7]

So DH and I are now at that point in our infertility journey where couples who were trying for their first baby around the same time or after us are now starting to announce their second pregnancies. I had not prepared myself for this!

Pregnancy announcements when struggling with infertility are always hard, but with someone's first I've always found it quite easy to be happy and excited for them despite any feelings of personal sadness. I'm really struggling to muster the same genuine happiness for friends and family announcing their second pregnancies....as selfish and awful as it sounds I just can't help feelings of resentment and 'it should have been our turn', not to mention the fact that I missed out on maternity with them first time round and now it looks like the same is going to happen again.

Anyone got any tips for how to deal with this?

We're waiting for IVF at the moment so doing everything we can from a medical perspective, but struggling mentally with the feeling of being left behind.

@bexyboop7 I'm sorry you're feeling like this.. I've started getting this feeling now after 2 years ttc and it's horrible.
I tell myself it's completely natural and don't feel bad about it you wish them well it just hurts!
I also tell myself how much better it will be when it's your turn through all the heartache it took to get there!!
I usually also find it passes so I tell myself that and try and think of something positive about having a baby a bit later.. Like more quality time with your DH before kids or that when their kids have grown out of father Christmas yours won't have and they will be jealous!!
Big hugs!!

I remember sitting in a cafe crying when a friend announced their second pregnancy was naturally conceived twins - I'm not normally like that all but it just gutted me

In terms of coping mechanisms i know some people have come of social media due to the number of pregnancy/birth announcements. I admit I did snooze the odd over sharer who seemed to think everyone wanted to know the intimate details of every aspect of her pregnancy. I also did pull back from siblings who were pregnant for a bit as I found being around bumps hard (but I'd had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and my sibling was 2 weeks behind and ended up giving birth on what would have been my due date). I always went to see the babies though as my troubles weren't their fault.

I know it's difficult at the moment but doing things which i Couldn't do if I was pregnant/a parent helped - I learnt to horse ride and jump, scuba diving, weekend breaks at the drop of a hat just because we could. I had a bit of a list for the year of things I fancied doing or seeing - I guess I made sure that life was so full that I couldn't dwell on the rest of it

(About 18 months after my twins friend announcement my 5th round of IVF worked and I had my own twins!)

@Bexyboop7 you were happy for them the first time so you're actually a saint It's totally normal to be so angry and frustrated at the unfairness of it all.

Nothing will make you okay with it, of course, but at this early stage there's plenty of reason to be hopeful about successful treatment, so try to look ahead with a belief you'll get there. I know that's tough- I'm sure I could have been patient if I'd known I'd definitely have a baby eventually. But I think it's better to try because there's a really good chance you will get there. Like @Sarahdaydreamer1234 says, you'll have all the good stuff to come. I like @ivfgottwins' suggestions about how to think about it in the meantime.

And I personally do feel that I appreciate my IVF baby more because of the decade of desperation that preceded him. I can't know for sure of course because I've never had a non-ivf baby, but I believe it's made me a happier and better mother.

Thank you so much for all your messages, you have made me feel better and so nice to know I'm not alone in my feelings.

@Sarahdaydreamer1234 I love your point about Father Christmas, made me smile and I will remember this. I'm sorry to hear your struggling too and sending hugs your way.

@ivfgottwins and @Yokey it sounds like you both had long and difficult journeys but glad to hear you both achieved your dreams of becoming parents in the end. It makes me feel hopeful and in the meantime, I'm going to start making plans and booking trips for as soon as restrictions allow :)