How many rounds did it take you to get a baby?

[TheBeesKnee]

TTC 2.5 years. I'll be turning 29 shortly.

DP has MFI. He had a varicocele embolization surgery almost 2 years ago. It kind of worked but kind of failed after 3 months. Then Covid hit and we've been in limbo for a year, with one chemical pregnancy last April.

He has been referred to another urologist - in October.

It feels like an absolute sucker punch. October will mark 3 years of actively TTC, not to mention 7 years of reliance on the withdrawal method prior to that.

I know the waiting times between appointments are long. I also know that it's unlikely to be successful in the first go, so I don't want to "waste" money going private if we're only going to have to spend £6-24k just to get ONE baby.

DP keeps suggesting that we "just" go private but I don't think we have the money. We're not poor but not rich. The house still needs so much work, things always need replacing abs repairing.

It feels so profoundly unfair that I have to go through this when others get pregnant without even thinking about it.

6 months is a long time to wait for a consultation but it's not that much time compared to the wait to date.

I don't know what to do.

Why did you have to rely on the withdrawal method for 7 years?

For us it took 5 rounds and £35k- we remortgaged and took out loans. Yes it's an obscene amount of money but we would have spent literally every last penny we had just to have one child

Most if people I know with MFI needed multiple rounds - why don't you look at a refund programme?

We are now pregnant (early, hoping it sticks!) after our 9th IVF attempt.
We are a MFI case too and eventually opted for the donor sperm route. On paper my body looks perfect to hold a pregnancy but we have had a lot of issues with that. Hopefully this has now been overcome.
We have gone through Access Fertility for our paid cycles (we had 1 nhs)
I'd say with all the add ons, tests, medications, consultations etc we are close to 40k.
Can't bear to think about it!

There are no guarantees about when or even if IVF will be successful, and from what you've written it sounds like there are still some investigations needing doing before you'll know if you need IVF.

When it comes to the NHS or private debate, people have different views but it comes down to your personal views and choices. Try to research clinics as much as you can.

The money side of things... Your own financial circumstances will factor in of course, and you may want to look at refund programmes (as already suggested). You'll also need to consider where this comes among your priorities - how much are you willing to sacrifice or not do, to have a chance for a baby through fertility treatment? I'm not saying that to pass judgement - everyone needs to consider where any decision of such magnitude is in their priorities, to guide their decision making.

@Scirocco I think that's really good advice.

I'd never ever wish to scare anyone away from IVF because when it works... it's a magic science.

But it's hard, carries no guarantees and when you're doing it for some time it becomes draining.

I could never have been prepared for how much IVF would impact on all areas of our lives (finances, work, friendships, our relationship). So it's important to go into it with an open mind... though of course with the hope that you'll be one of the lucky ones it works first time for (I hope it does)
Lots of luck x

We went via NHS even though we could afford private and I was 35 (36 by the time treatment actually happened). I would have spent everything to have a baby, but I didn't see the point in spending before I had to. That said, I didn't find the wait for NHS too long.

Glad I did go via NHS because I got 10 embryos, which meant every transfer would have been free until I got my baby or ran out (though I know that depends on your location). As it turned out, I'm one of the lucky ones and it worked first time (but not lucky enough to get pregnant just by having sex of course!)

You never know, you could be lucky too. Or you could end up spending lots, and in that case, a free round might be really helpful. I'd wait for NHS in your shoes. In the absence of an issue like diminished ovarian reserve, time is on your side at 29. I know the wait is horrendous no matter how old you are (I knew I was infertile in my mid 20s) but your eggs aren't old.

@tvdinners43 congratulations! I really hope your pregnancy is smooth sailing.

Thank you so much for your answers. It's helpful to see the final total and not just drips and drabs of one or two cycles etc.

I am leaning towards waiting for the NHS appointment and keeping my fingers crossed that I get as lucky as Yokey.

This has already had a massive impact on our lives. I'm unhappy in my job but have avoided moving because the mat leave is good and I don't want the added stress of a new role. I probably bore my friends senseless with baby talk and I honestly don't remember who I was or what I wanted before all of this started. All I can think is "baby baby baby".

ivfbeenbusy

Why did you have to rely on the withdrawal method for 7 years?

I didn't want to go on hormonal birth control and DP suggested we try withdrawal from midway through my cycle to save on condoms. Eventually that's all we used. I realize now this was incredibly reckless but I was 19 and didn't make the connection between not a single pregnancy scare and infertility until a few years later.

@TheBeesKnee

Ah ok I wondered if using withdrawal was because of a medical reason which might have impacted IVF success rates x

Hey thebeesknees, sorry you have ended up in this situation but just wanted to share my story as it may help you make a decision.

We were ttc for 2 years but i had a hunch something wasn’t right as i had a short LP and would spot for days before period arrived. Turns out that was nothing to worry about, oh had a semen analysis which showed 0% morphology but other numbers all within range. Nhs told us to continue trying for another 6 months and if no pregnancy then they will refer us for ivf.

In the mean time we came in to some money after a relative passed away which we choose to spend on private ivf. We brought in to the 2 cycle non refundable package through access fertility £10,500.

We ended up with 8 embryos. First fresh transfer ended in a cp but we were successful on on FET and am now 28 weeks pregnant.

I totally understand wanting to wait for your free nhs go as although our package was as above that didnt include meds for either transfers and all of our pre tests and consultation. it also only included one early pregnancy scan. I love the nhs, i am a nurse, but couldn’t bare the waiting times.

Here if you have any questions x

5 rounds , 3 fresh and 2 fet

£27k

Saved then took out loans and put on credit cards as was over 40 so
Time was an issue

Paying back a loan when failed was shit

@TheBeesKnee

I fell pregnant on my 4th transfer (3 fresh and a FET). We used our nhs rounds first (were entitled to 2 rounds), and it was our private cycle that was successful. We were also MFI.

I would wait out for the nhs round because you are young (same age that I was when I started ivf). But I know it’s difficult to wait. It’s a lot of waiting! We were on nhs waiting list for a year.

Good luck.

Hi

Thought I would share my IVF journey. TTC for 3 years, saw consultant last year. I have zero issues, high AMH, lots of good follicles & good quality eggs etc. My husband has MFI (morphology) so ICSI was the only option for us . . .0

Referred to NHS Feb 2020 just before covid hit! Waiting times rubbish in NI as it is (I'm a senior physio in the NHS)

So we bit the bullet and used all our savings for a private cycle last year, thinking we'd get some to freeze if it didn't work. We got 10 eggs, 8 fertilised, only 2 made it to d5 embryo, both poor grades (this is due to MFI) 2 embryos transferred, zero to freeze. BFN November last year. That cost us 9.5k

We then applied to access fertility - paid in advance for 3 cycles of ICSI for 10.5k (not including meds!) Refund of 50% if no live birth at end of 3 cycles. We spent a further 1k on drugs (I'm on the lowest dose, this will be more for most couples) 11.5k + 9.5k = 21k! 😱

This cycle we only got 5 eggs after my body released 7 early. Also had fluid on my womb (6lbs) However, all 5 fertilised but just one made it to day 5 blastocyst, Grade B/C. ET 6th April & am currently 6 + 5! 7 week scan at my clinic this Thursday 🙏

Moral of my very long story is if you want a family enough then for me it is worth every penny. We had to borrow some from family & used all of our savings from our house sale. But to me having a much longed for child is priceless. We couldn't wait for the NHS, I am 36 & never wanted to be this age for my first baby, but man plans & god laughs!

I have been surrounded by friends, family & colleagues getting pregnant so easily multiple times, often when they weren't even trying. It is very hard but I think all you can do is make the most of the cards you have been dealt!

I know some people who cannot have children at all because of cancer or other medical reasons & their only option was a surrogate which was so difficult. I also have family & friends who are desperate to have children but have not met the one! Just trying to be positive here. I know more than most how difficult IVF is, & expensive! We need work done on our house, we would love a holiday etc but we made sacrifices & it has all been worth it.

I know very few people who IVF has worked for 1st time. Most people I know are cycle 2 - 4. Of course everyone is different . . . We are still on the NHS list in the event we want to have a sibling in a few years time. But depending on waiting times we may save and go privately again.

I wish you all the best on your IVF journey whatever you decide to do.

Bella xx

@bella1984 congratulations! Only a couple of days until you see that beautiful little heartbeat. Best of luck, hope all goes well

Thanks @Yokey! I really hope so. This is my first ever pregnancy, very exciting / nervous wait! Xx

We have MFI and PCOS and were in about to start treatment when covid hit last year and everything closed.

We were entitled to 1 round and three transfers under our CCG. Our first attempt at an egg collection failed due to my poor response to the medication so our clinic transformed the cycle to an IUI (which was also free under our funding). IUI did not work for us but we didn't massively expect it to tbh.

Had another go at egg collection on different meds in November and we ended up with 7 good quality embryos. Delayed a fresh transfer because of the risk of OHSS (there is also some evidence that frozen transfers get better results apparently).

Then we then did our first FET in Feb this year and I'm currently 14 weeks. Obviously some way to go before full term but even though IVF is never a straightforward journey it can work out on the first transfer depending on what issues are at play and luck.

During the covid closures I was really worried about how long everything was going to take, as I was 35 (now 36). But the treatment we have had along with the medication has cost probably over ten thousand and we now have 6 frozen embryos if we ever want to try again, which will save us money in the future as we will just be spending on transfers and hopefully not another egg collection.

I know its so frustrating and so much of infertility/IVF is just waiting and waiting but at 29 I'd be tempted to wait and spend those six months getting yourself into the best physical condition possible and saving money in case you want to go private further down the line.

First ivf round - pregnant on the FET.

Trying for baby number 2. 5 IVF cycles and nothing 😔

Thank you for sharing your stories. These amounts are eye opening and reinforces my determination to wait for the NHS referral.

FX for you Bella1984

I think ultimately I'll probably pay whatever it takes; but I've just got this running tally in my head of all the things that the house needs and the amounts are boiling up to dizzying heights. Every time we save a bit of money, it goes on essential works. Thinking about paying for that, plus IVF, plus baby clothes and furniture etc makes me really quite anxious.

@Bella1984 all crossed

Tho if you have a child you will lose your nhs go

So will be private fir a sibling

Hi @Blondeshavemorefun

Yes I'm aware of that, I asked to stay on the NHS list as this pregnancy is still so early at just under 7 weeks. . . We have waited 18 months for that appointment and they said it would be another year for treatment to start. By which point I would've been 37, which is not what we wanted.

They agreed to keep me on the NHS WL and send me another letter in July, all being well l will well into my second trimester by then and no need to stay on the list. But it was a precaution which I think is sensible.

We have already said we will save up to have private IVF in the future depending what happens. I am showing already so who knows we might have twins and then we won't need any more cycles! But would of course be delighted with one healthy baby in 7.5 months time 🙏

Ps I'm a natural red head and don't agree that blondes have more fun 😉 ha

Bella 😊

Glad our stories have helped @TheBeesKnee

If I was 29 I would have 100% tried NHS first.

I only met my husband at 31, married 2 years later and TTc for one before I thought something wasn't right and booked to see a fertility specialist.

Also NI is the worst by far in the UK, it definitely is a postcode lottery which isn't fair. I hope you don't have to wait too much longer

Good luck xx

Agree sensible to stay on list just in case

Sorry I read your reply as if we want a sibling we will use the nhs go

Blondes def have more fun 😂😂

I may have worded it in a confusing way, it was a rather long post 🤣

Haha nope red heads all the way, my Instagram is rockitlikearedhead84 😜

We can agree to disagree on that one 😘

I am currently 33 weeks pregnant, third fresh cycle. 2nd was early miscarriage. Fingers crossed I will be taking my healthy baby home soon.
Good luck x

Does anybody know if we can go partially private? E.g. speed up the SA by going private but continue with the NHS path? DP was told today that it'll be 11 weeks before someone is "available" to carry out a SA

I'm also 4 days overdue and feeling very sore and emotional and crap about everything.

@TheBeesKnee

Does anybody know if we can go partially private? E.g. speed up the SA by going private but continue with the NHS path? DP was told today that it'll be 11 weeks before someone is "available" to carry out a SA

I'm also 4 days overdue and feeling very sore and emotional and crap about everything.

Yes, as far as I'm aware you can get tests done privately. We had our first SA done privately and it was accepted.

There can be issues with test results being accepted by different services - I've had investigations done privately that the NHS wouldn't accept. You might want to confirm whether the investigation results would be accepted before going ahead.