Failed FET

[Sara237]

I had one frozen 6 day blast from a fresh cycle which resulted in my son now 4. I had a great lining, great embryo but I got my negative last weekend. The thing is I've been really ambivalent about this whole process. I haven't wanted another child; I wouldn't have been trying but felt compelled as had this frostie. Anyway here's the thing; I tested a day early and got a faint positive. A faint line but definitely a line. And in that moment, I was so happy and grateful euphoric in fact. So I bombed down to the supermarket to get some more tests to confirm and every other one I did was a negative... It was like being hit by a bus... I've been crying ever since! I'm still waiting for a bleed. I keep thinking maybe it has worked and the negatives were false. I know I'm in some sort of stuck denial. I can't face things, I just feel so devastated. I did not even realise how much I wanted my son to have a sibling till I got that positive test. I need to come to terms with having an only child. I'm 44 and I wouldn't do ivf again. I just wondered if any one else in a similar boat would care to share my misery for a while...

Bless you @Sara237 what a rollercoaster, it reminds me of the scene in friends where Phoebe tells Rachel her pregnancy test is negative, only for her to then realise for the first time that she really wanted a baby. It sounds like maybe you had an evap line on one test, if all the others are negative, but you could get a blood test to check, sometimes low levels can indicate things like ectopics.

It sounds like you have already decided that you were only going to try this once and that your plan is to now bring closure to this part of your life. I think focusing on the positives is a good thing, you’re clearly happy and content with your child, you gave this embryo a chance but it just wasn’t meant to be. You could ask your clinic to arrange for you to speak to the counsellor, they might be able to give you some coping strategies.

Thanks @Gardenlady543 for responding to me. Your words are appreciated. It's been a rollercoaster for sure! I'm slowly coming round from the shock of it all. It feels like I'm bereaved and going through the grief stages. I'll get there though I think I'll always wish he'd had a sibling...

@Sara237 I think it is like grief and it’s bringing closure to a big part of life, it’s likely to take some time. I’m sure you will get there though, and try not to focus on the negatives. I know so many people who are an only child and they are absolutely fine! I also know so many people who are arch nemeses with their sibling and wish they were an only child. I know your child is going to get so much love and attention

A friend of mine had a similar situation recently where she thought it was a positive pregnancy test then discovered a few hours later she’d accidentally taken an ovulation test. She was absolutely devastated. I think the getting your hopes up to have them dashed again (and in your case have it all still slightly unresolved) is really intense. So sorry. I’m in a similar ish sort of boat with one lovely son, 2 failed FET from that round and now doing ivf a final time. I’m weary as hell and emotionally very drained by it all. I think the poster above had nice advice about closure and counselling. I’m hoping when it’s my time to make peace with this fertility chapter being closed I can do it without spoiling the nice things I have. Easier said than done though. Sending calm thoughts x

I'm sorry @Sara237

I have one IVF baby and frozen embryos. I think when that's the case, having another child is always a possibility in the back of your mind. You know it's not guaranteed (maybe not even likely), and you know that you're already so blessed to have one. But having that possibility taken away after all that time must be really difficult, especially after you had a glimpse of what might be had it worked.

I've no advice really. Just wanted to say your devastation is completely understandable, and I hope this outcome doesn't detract too much for too long from the happiness you have with your son

@AutumnVibes thank you, it was definitely the moment of thinking it had worked only to be mistaken that has done me in. I've been in shock tbh but something has shifted in last couple of days so feeling better. Just so hard seeing siblings everywhere and my boy being so sweet with other children. Like you I'm feeling drained while trying not to let this taint the previous times I have with my son. I can't believe how much this treatment cycle has altered my feelings. I was so blaze about it before. Maybe it's still the hormones. Sending you every hope.
@Yokey thank you for your thoughts; I appreciate it. It''s definitely different now I know that there's nothing in the freezer... but I'm feeling better in myself now. IVF is emotional torture in many ways! I hope you have success.

Glad you’re feeling a bit calmer about it all. And I agree with @yokey about the freezer babies being a sort of psychological worm hole. It’s just all so so much more than anyone who hasn’t been there could possibly imagine.

@Sara237 how are you feeling now?
I am similar to you. I have a DD from a fresh cycle. She is now 2.
I have my transfer for a day 6 frozen embryo. Before today, I had accepted having one child, and felt more than happy.
However, I am convinced that my FET won’t work, and feeling sad about it. We aren’t trying again after this.

Hope you’re feeling ok

@BeHereNowx32 hey, sorry to hear you're feeling down. When is your test date? Why don't you think it'll work? The constant second guessing is so tough. Sending you every good wish. I'm ok, still trying to come to terms with the negative result. Watching siblings everywhere I go. Surrounded by people with second child newborns. Ffs! I feel I don't have any closure, I'm just giving myself time to get my system back on track. Don't underestimate the impact of these drugs! Xx

Feeling very similar - siblings and newborns second and third children everywhere. It feels like being right back to pre-child infertility strain of every single person on Earth being pregnant except me. Didn’t realise it could still be so painful even being so happy and grateful for the one I have. I’ve just done my first of two (final) rounds of ivf, transfer hopefully Monday, but only two embryos looking like they’ll make it. Odds feel stacked the wrong by way.

@AutumnVibes - that's exactly how it feels and it's a shock isn't it? If you have two good embryos that's pretty good. Will they transfer both or freeze one? It's scary to think positive so I'm getting MY hopes up for you! Bless you it's emotional freaking torture...