Feeling sad about infertility

[Parsleyrose]

I’m really so low at the moment about infertility. Probably just having a bad day but sometimes it feels like everything is against us.

We’ve been ttc for about 2 years now. We initially went to the GP for investigations a year ago but with COVID everything went so slowly it took forever to find out what’s been going on. It turned out I have a very small prolactinoma. Tbh I was initially overjoyed about that because perhaps that’s all that needs sorting! But no - our fertility consultant (who we eventually got to see after 8 months) has said because my prolactin was only slightly raised (800) it’s probably not affecting fertility. I’m on medication for that now so I’m still hoping it has some effect but not feeling confident.

Then my other half - he’s got borderline sperm count, low sperm motility and been diagnosed with a varicocele. We were told it would take a really long time to get this treated on the NHS as it’s non urgent (fair enough there are people with more critical issues that need sorting) so we decided to pay for him to go private to try and speed things up. But it hasn’t really sped it up - we’ve been waiting for ages and the latest we heard was that we’d have to wait until our NHS hospital is taking bookings again due to COVID. Maybe I’m being thick but wasn’t this the whole reason we used our savings to try and get this done quickly?

And now we’ve had our long-awaited appointment with our fertility clinic who have basically said we need to do IVF ASAP because my FSH is high (waiting for my appointment to have AMH measured), and the treatments for prolactinoma and varicocele probably won’t have much impact on our fertility. IVF isn’t covered by our local authority so we’re going to have to go private and I just don’t know how we’ll afford it, and I feel stupid that we’ve wasted a load of money on the varicocele treatment.

On top of that my older sister has just had a baby and while I’m so happy for her, it makes me feel sad when I see her. All our family talk about are babies.

I know this is a bit of a moan and there are others who have it much worse than I do. I just feel overwhelmed by everything right now and sad.

Hi @Parsleyrose I am sorry about what you had to go through. We have a similar story, it took us around 2 years of trying to get to a point where we can start IVF. Initially had believed sperm count was the reason, then it improved and then it was my low ovarian reserve pressing. Then I got pregnant and miscarried. Looking back I feel we lost a lot of time but that's usually what happens in fertility stories I feel. Still we dont have a clear diagnosis. I regret that we didn't do IVF sooner but lockdown etc. didn't make it possible to proceed things quicker, and probably me conceiving in between didn't help. Like you I feel so upset now that lockdown is ending and many of our friends used it as a time to conceive whilst we couldn't and I find it hard to face people.. But I am starting IVF very soon at least something is moving.

I’m sorry to hear you are having a bad day @Parsleyrose and I think it’s totally normal and no harm to have a wallow!

I’m sorry to hear everything has been so delayed. I do think the variocele issue will be good to get sorted. For myself & DH we couldn’t make blastocysts before he got his embolized. It is a frustrating wait game though for the time to get it done and 3 months afterward waiting for new sperm but hopefully it’ll be worth it and mean you will need less rounds of IVF so overall money wise it could work out.

I did a consult with my private clinic in October and started a round in November so once you do get to a private clinic it can move quickly.

Can you maybe take out a private loan? And also could be worth looking into access fertility packages for several rounds?

@Parsleyrose I'm sure almost everyone in these forums understands how you are feeling! It's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and sad by it all but I'm also sorry you're feeling this way.
I've heard plenty of stories of sperm quality going up with a treated varicocele so hopefully that will help.
Agree with others can look at access fertility packages. Good luck with Ivf if you definitely decide to go ahead with it xx

Don't really have any advice but just wanted to say I'm sorry @parsleyrose and I know exactly how you feel. My husband and I are in a very similar situation just over 2 years TTC and still in the initial investigations stage despite my husband having his first sperm analysis over a year ago and being told then its very unlikely we will get pregnancy naturally due to his count and motility. Covid delays have certainly made everything so much harder and it's okay to feel sad and overwhelmed. I hope you are able to find the money you need for treatment, IVF is such a cruel postcode lottery (not to mention those lucky souls who can get pregnant by just having sex) but no money spent helping you achieve your dream is wasted money. best of luck with your journey.