Can I ask for fertility medical support even if I haven't been diagnosed?

[EsseKey]

Hi all

I am starting this thread hoping to get some information from someone that is unfortunately more experienced than me.

I have recently had a mc (first pregnancy), and I am now in this waiting period before getting AF or any sign really that my body is doing something...

At the same time I am really struggling with all this 'sit and wait' that we have to go through. And it's not about 2ww or what's just normal and you can't control... but the fact that before you can get any kind of fertility support you must have been trying for >1y, or have multiple mc or other things that just take you to desperation and very often to your fertility age limits. I am hoping not to have to go through that but I was wondering if anyone has experience of getting some sort of medical support when ttc even if they weren't in the eligible population for fertility treatments? and what can I do if I wanted to get some support?

Maybe I am just talking nonsense but any experience or opinion is highly appreciated!

Hi @Essekey, I am very sorry for your miscarriage. No matter the stage, it is always difficult.

As you said, it seems a bit early to investigate anything, that's only my opinion. How early/late was this miscarriage? Did you need medical or surgical intervention? Also, how old are you?

In your situation, I would hope that this mc was just bad luck, or a bad quality egg that your body decided to simply eliminate. I really hope that is the reason.

However, you are free to ask for some blood tests, likely with a private GP. But I am not sure if a fertility clinic would want to start some investigations. But, I could be completely wrong.

If sadly, this kind of episode happens again, investigations can start quite quickly. In the mean time, i would suggest to take care of yourself, and try again if you are both willing to, especially if this mc was early. FYI, you are likely to ovulate very quickly after mc, if pg test is now negative, and that, before your periods return. I have experienced it many times.

I hope I could help you a little.

S.

I'm so sorry to hear about your miscarriage :(
Is this your first time trying or how long were you trying before?

Although it's not talked about often enough, miscarriage is quite common and I believe the stats are that 1 in 4 will end in a miscarriage. I've suffered one myself so know how hard it can be
I don't think you'll get help/seen to on the NHS just yet but you could try going private if really concerned. Although I'd suggest trying another few months (as annoying as it can be, I know we all just want our babies here now)

@Sophfr17 thanks for your reply I really appreciate it!

It was my first pregnancy and to be honest I got pregnant relatively quickly at the time. I found out at 8wk during an early scan that the embryo was still looking like 6wk, and very faint heartbeat. But I had to wait until 11wk to actually miscarry...worst wait of my life!

I understand it is probably too early to start investigating, especially as I have no red flags in my medical history...but as you know (unfortunately, so sorry to hear that) it takes weeks of even months for anything to happen...being it period after mc, trying again or to eventually get some investigations and then treatment. It might take years. I am 32yo, so not extremely late but as these things take so long I am honeslty thinking that I would like to know early on if there is something wrong, I don't know if that makes sense?

But I understand why everyone at this stage would just tell me to just wait and try again when ready... I just feel frustrated about not being in control of anything. I am sure this feeling is shared by many people here... :(

@willithappen thanks for your reply. I know miscarriage is soooo common, unfortunately not talked about enough - or actually, I find that it's talked about a lot when you search on internet or social media, but remains kind of taboo on normal day to day conversation with friends, even those you normally talk about everything with!

Anyway, I wrote in my previous reply (sorry hadn't seen your post yet) that it was first pregnancy, we did try for a couple of months so honestly there shouldn't be red flags at this stage for infertility... but I am just a person that wants to do something instead of sit and wait so I am finding this whole process quite stressful.
I had tried ask my private healthcare provider but they still want a referral from the GP, who is not likely to happen at this stage.

I think I just have a bias because some of my friends back home (Italy) had much easier access to private care, some of them had ovulation induction to help identify fertile window for example. I mean, it is quite common there to just self-refer to a private specialist and normally women have annual check ups with their obgyn, so after some years they just know you and your personal situation, and they can offer you whatever treatment or support you want/need based on your situation. I am sure that if I shared my concerns in that type of setting I will have all sorts of check ups done...maybe the result would be the same (sit and wait and try again), but at least I would have some overview of my personal situation instead of just assuming everything is fine, until it isn't?

I am not sure this all makes sense... but it's where all my thoughts around seeking medical support started
I appreciate that is not normal here though, and is not that a system is better than the other, I am just exposed to the differences and I can't help to think how it would be if I had access to one or the other service

Waiting to miscarry is difficult, I am so sorry you had to live that.

@willithappen is also right, 1 in 4 pg ends up in a mc (even more often while aging, due to egg quality), and we just dont talk enough about it. It shouldn't be that taboo, but it still is unfortunately. And most of the time, that 1st mc is an isolated event, which is why trying again would be a sensible thing to do in your case. This is what we did, cause we were told that at the beginning. Eventually i got pg 6 times over 18 months (we had to terminate the 1st pg because baby girl was very ill and i had 5 mc after that).

It does take years to investigate and find possible causes, simply because each "event" can orientate the investigations, if you understand what i mean.

If you had to investigate now, a lot could be tested, however there are simple things that can be checked in your blood, if you feel comfortable enough asking your GP.

And you are right, you are never in control of anything, cause it is impossible to be. And that is frustrating, a lot. And i understand you dont want to waste time, in case you "really" have a problem. Just ask your GP, you never know :)

thanks again ladies for replies and support.

I perfectly understand that it take years to investigate because you want to address the right thing based on what happened before, it's much more efficient than just testing for everything, and sometimes there are things that are not even on the radar so you couldn't have tested for. I just wish I could have something that tells me exactly what's going on in my body every single moment...or to know that I have done something to make sure that I am doing the right thing at the right time...

I am aware that most of the times one single MC event does not mean that I have fertility problems, but I can't help but think that as I have been unlucky now with my first pregnancy, I might as well be unlucky again! Sure MC is very common but still if we take the 1 in 4 ending in miscarriage, it also means that 75% of pregnancy go ahead fine...so I had one of those 25% unlucky pregnancies, what stops me from having another one?
Sorry I know I am talking nonsense and it is what it is, I just can't help but feel extremely pessimistic about the whole process

much easier access to private care

Private being the important word there.

You can get private investigations in this country with virtually no waiting list you just have to pay just like Italy. I saw NHS specialists after multiple miscarriages but wait times were long and they are limited in what they will do so I also paid to go private

You don't say how long you've been trying? Most people do conceive within 1 year

Sorry about your miscarriage @EsseKey. You sound like you're having a tough time You're understandably anxious about what went wrong and impatient to know if there are any problems. But there really is no reason to suspect infertility or that you have a problem which will cause further miscarriages. It's tough after what you've been through, but waiting and trying again seems the sensible approach here. As @ivfbeenbusy says, you can get private investigations at a cost, and perhaps you'd like to go down that route for peace of mind, but it seems like the upset of your miscarriage has caused this anxiety and concern for your fertility.

@Yokey thank you. Yeah, I mean rationally I know that waiting and trying is the best thing to do right now...to be honest I have been concerned for fertility even before we decided to ttc...not for any specific reason but just because I read so many infertility/recurrent mc stories that I was just fearing it even before getting pregnant. Then I got pregnant soon, but then I had the MC, which kind of confirmed my concerns. I know this is not the right mindset and I need to be more positive and have faith that it will happen....

@EsseKey I think it would be good to try look at the positives of it to try get yourself in a better mindset maybe?
Positive - you can get pregnant! :) your partners sperm is likely to be doing good if you fell pregnant early also. Passed two of the biggest hurdles already

If you are really concerned though get an appointment booked in with your GP just now. They are more than likely going to tell you to go away and try for 'x' amount of time and come back, but you may get lucky and have a GP who orders initial tests for you - however these are generally day 21 bloods to see if you ovulate (which they will assume you do if you recently got pregnant) and then a semen analysis for your partner (again as you have recently got pregnant and quite early with trying). At least if you get in there and let them know your concerns it may help. Stressing it over won't help you :(

@willithappen you know what, you are right. I should be focussing on the positives instead of thinking about what could go wrong.

First reaction after reading your post was to think about all possible counter arguments to your 'positives' list (like it doesn't mean I can get pregnant again just because I did it once etc....) - but that doesn't help at all and honestly it just keeps me spiraling down these infertility thoughts that are actually only based on assumptions. The odds are in my favour I should be thinking of that...but it's easier said than done!

I think I will try talk to my GP, maybe she will be able just to give me the reassurance that I can't find elsewhere.

Thanks for all your good advice, I really really appreciate you taking a little bit of your time to reply to my nonsense!

You're welcome @EsseKey
I hope I wasn't coming across as disputing your thoughts or feelings, because I 100% think that we often know if something isn't right. I just wanted you to try get yourself in a positive mind space to tackle it as getting yourself in a negative one (like I have done myself and for months) never helps

I'm in the middle of an FET after doing IVF and somehow managing to stay positive. Helps me not spend months crying all the time 🙈

Keep us updated with how you get on and what GP says :)

@willithappen don't worry I understood that you were just trying to help me focusing on the positives!

I admire you for being positive in this situation, and I hope that your FET has a good outcome! I keep my fingers super crossed for you!

I'll post some updates as soon as I have them