IVF

[Donkey25]

Hi,

I'm looking for some advice please: my partner and I are both 46 and we have a 5 year old daughter. I've always wanted a 2nd child but my partner hasn't, understandably because he already had 4 children when we met (now aged between 12 and 18). However, I ended up pregnant last year and was delighted and my partner seemed quite pleased in spite of not wanting another one. However, I had a miscarriage (unsurprising given my age) and decided to pursue IVF which my partner agreed to.

I am just about to start on the drugs and my partner has changed his mind. He's admitted that he was only going through with it for my sake and has said that he will still pursue it if it makes me happy but that it's not what he wants at all.

I genuinely do not know what to do for the best and any advice is greatly appreciated.

Thanks

Sorry about your loss, @Donkey25. Sorry also that your partner has left it until you're starting drugs to tell you! Will you resent him if you don't try? If you go ahead, would you feel as though you're in it alone knowing how he feels? And if it doesn't work, would you resent him for not really wanting it to?

Obviously nobody can tell you what to do. It's a difficult one. Good that he seems like a generally supportive partner though. Your happiness is obviously important to him. I think women often feel alone in IVF anyway. A generalisation I know, but many men aren't as deeply affected by infertility as their partners, and they certainly don't have to do much throughout the IVF process!

I’m sorry @Donkey25 how awful to be embarking on meds and for your partner to do this, you need support not this. Surely he was at the initial appointment and has had investigations as part of the preparations. Do you think he has cold feet? At your age you really don’t have time to put things on hold. If I was in your position based on what you’ve said I would press ahead, at least he’s said he’ll support you with what you decide and based on what you’ve said, this is what you want.