I don't want HRT, I want a baby!

[BooseysMom]

I'm 49 and this feeling I have is just getting more and more desperate! I've spent all day crying. DH has took DS to his mum's to give me space. I just can't think of anything else but having another baby and yet it's too bloody late. I'm knocking on the door of the big 50, we only have a 2 bed house,
DH is between jobs. We only just about managed to have DS after 2 mcs and since then we haven't really been able to TTC. All I dream of is having a baby, being pregnant, seeing DS have a sibling..and it's all fucked because of my age!
The GP has prescribed HRT and seeing as my DM had breast cancer I don't want it ..all I want is to be pregnant again.
I know I'm leaving myself open for a tonne of abuse, but I had to write it down.
Thank you to anyone who reads this and has something useful and positive to say xx

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. I had worried about putting so many hormones into my body because both my mom and aunt had breast cancer so I did some research and there are no studies showing a clear link between The hormones you get for fertility treatments and breast cancer (there are a few studies showing a possible link to ovarian cancer but they were done on a small number of women). I would discuss this further with your Dr before you discount HRT. I was also told recently by my Dr that there are options to avoid oestrogen levels going too high (taking Letrozole in parallel to stims) so def worth discussing with a medical expert. Good luck!

You definitely shouldn't feel ashamed for feeling like this. It sounds like a natural reaction to approaching an age where you will start having substantial hormonal changes happening, which result in the door of pregnancy being permanently closed. Had you wanted another child before now? I would seek professional support through your GP or private counselling if you can. It must be a lot to come to terms with and having a space to talk about it will likely help you and your family.

@BooseysMom I'm so sorry to read that you're feeling like this. We were on TTC threads together for a long while a couple of years ago (my username was CritterTamer then), and I wondered what had happened to you - I'd hoped that you had got your much wanted BFP and moved on so this thread makes me very sad. I don't have much advice but am here offering a hand hold and a virtual hug and someone to talk to should you want to. With regards to the risks of HR my understanding was that the links to breast cancer were associated with the original way it was done years ago and that these days it is very safe. Take care of yourself xxx

@Tarsette.. thank you. That's really helpful. I have gel and tablets for the progesterone. Can't remember the name. I will have to try them to give them a chance.

@MGee123.. thank you. Yes I did want another but after DS I was so tired and it was never the right time and now I have terrible guilt for not TTC more. I just wanted DS to have a sibling and it has really hit me knowing it won't happen. It helps knowing there are lots of one child families but it's the whole thing about that door permanently closing that is really hard to accept.

@SamoyedFan123.. Critter! I remember you well. It's lovely to hear from you. I just wonder how much I really wanted it as I should have tried harder and now here I am beating myself up constantly. I worry DS will be ok. I know I won't be alright now and I don't know how to come to terms with it. Thanks for the hand hold and hug x

I'm so sorry to read how much you're hurting. It sounds like you're really worried about your DS too.

I was/am an only child, and my childhood had a lot of happiness in it. Overall I don't feel that I missed out or suffered by not having a sibling. I had my friends, my pets, my extended family, so lots of social contact; while I also had time 1:1 with my parents without them having to split their time between siblings.

Looking back, there were things I was able to enjoy as a child that wouldn't have been possible with a sibling due to the financial pressures of a larger family. We weren't well off or anything like that, but things like new shoes, music lessons, after-school clubs.

Reading how much you love your DS, I'm certain that he'll be ok.

@Scirocco.. thank you, your post was a ray of sunshine to my dark thoughts! I know that sounds cheesy but you have really helped me today
Happy Easter x

Happy Easter to you and your family too. x

I’m an only child as well and I have never really missed having siblings. Actually I distinctly remember being terrified my parents would have another child as a kid, due to losing some of their attention! Your DS will be fine without siblings. I am now on the same situation (one IVF daughter and trying to come to terms with the fact I will not have another) and even after having lived through the above (ie being a happy only child) I still find it hard to shut that door permanently so I totally get what you are saying!

Hi, I'm really sorry you feel like this. Have you considered councillor?

@Tarsette.. thanks for posting. It's interesting to hear your experience of being an only child. DS is the same in that he's scared another one might come along and push him out!
Thanks for your reassurance about siblings. It sounds like we're on the same page! It's a really difficult door to close.
I'm feeling less worried now as my period has finally finished so I'll be ok until next month when no doubt i'll crash again! I just need to count my blessings when so many have no kids.
Good luck x