To those with embryos in the freezer

[TaVeryMuchLove]

I wasn’t sure exactly where to post this to get the best chance of response, so I’m really sorry if it is inappropriate or offends anyone.

To those who have been lucky enough to complete their families through IVF, how did you feel about any remaining embryos left in storage? I have been incredibly lucky to have two wonderful children though my IVF journey. I know that my family is complete now abs definitely don’t want any more children - but I have one embryo left in storage and feel very weird about this.

I know that I don’t want to use this embryo, but the thought of letting it go also makes me feel incredibly sad. These are very confusing feelings and would love to hear from anyone who has been in the same or similar situation and how you coped with the emotional side of it?

Hi @TaVeryMuchLove

Thank you for posting this. I am afraid I don't have any answers, just the same thoughts/feelings as you and so I am posting to follow this thread. We have our son thanks to the miracle that is IVF and we have some frozen embryos should we wish to use them. Xx

Hi @Zest11

Thanks for your post. It’s something I’ve had on my mind since the birth of our youngest last August. I knew then that we were done, but there’s just something about knowing there’s one left in the freezer that I find myself getting really emotional about. When I think about letting it go, I just want to cry!

I've (perhaps prematurely) given much thought to this! We're so lucky to have our 9 month old via IVF. We have 9 blasts in the freezer. I'm obviously hoping we don't go through them all trying for a second but what then to do with the remaining? They're so precious and any one could have been our child if picked.

My friend donated hers to science to put them to good use and benefit future IVF patients, and whilst I think that's a great idea, I don't feel great about it. I think I'm too old to donate but even if I weren't, I feel responsible for my blasts so what if they went to someone who couldn't give them what I'd want them to have? I'd never even know.

I'm not even in the position yet, and I recognise it would be a great problem to have, but it is tricky.

@Yokey I completely agree, it is in many ways a great problem to have. This is why I was concerned that it might have been considered insensitive to post in infertility, but only those who have been through it will understand.

I never thought I’d have such an attachment to my little embryo. I guess because I’m lucky enough to have seen what they can become, it makes it all the more real. Seriously tough!

I'm currently having treatment for FET because I have 1 frozen embryo from my second ivf 3 yrs ago that resulted in my son. I've thought about it all the time. If it wasn't there, I'd not be trying for a baby. But it is so I feel compelled. I've only just started to enjoy motherhood! Im so glad I've only got the 1, it's an ethical minefield.

I had twins in January and have 2 more embryos frozen - 4 weeks after the birth I paid to extend the storage fees for another 12 months

I can't bare to part with them yet. These embryos are the culmination of 5 miscarriages 2 ruptured ectopics and 5 rounds of IVF (not to mention the £35k we spent!). I lost both tubes so these are the only eggs/blastocysts I'll ever make as I will never be able to get pregnant naturally again. Just getting them to blastocyst stage was hard enough that I feel that we should at least give them a chance?

I look at my twins and imagine what their "brother or sister" in storage might look like

We have an older child too. If it was just the twins i might be able to persuade DH to agree to transfer

But what if he agrees to transfer one and it works - will I have the same dilemma about the final one? I don't think I could leave it there alone? I wouldn't risk another set of twins by transferring both together as it was dangerous for all 3 of us at the end of this pregnancy.

So many conflicting emotions - at the moment though I'm open to definitely trying for one more child - just got to work on DH!

I look at my twins and imagine what their "brother or sister" in storage might look like

This. So difficult not to see them as potential people, because they are. I have a picture of my baby as a blastocyst (which is firstly very cool) and I can't help but think about how his sex, little fingers, hair colour, everything was already in there. But I cannot have 9 transfers! Even if we're not lucky enough to have another after several attempts, I wouldn't do 9, so I have to find a new way to think about them.

@Yokey

Having 9 must be bitter sweet because with that number you'll know you won't ever transfer them all (hopefully)

I used to obsess about how many blastocysts I'd get but I'm sort of glad now we only have 2 spare and I can tell Myself that one day I will use them (even I don't)

This is a dilemma that we will have as we have 3 blasts in the freezer. We are so very fortunate to have DS but think one is enough for us. I feel like I should give them a chance though. DH is able to be very detached from them and would donate to science. I often think what if they’d picked a different one to transfer? Then DS would be one of those blasts and that horrifies me that we could consider letting them go.

There has been a thread on this before with lots of different ideas that you may want to search for. I know someone was able to take theirs home and plant a tree but I don’t know if this is allowed everywhere.

@Betsyboo87

I agree about the "what if I'd picked a different one" feeling - I chose the 2 I wanted to put back - the clinic wanted to use the other two as they were "better quality".

Maybe it's because we are involved much earlier in the process - we often get to see them as blastocysts (my friend even has a video of his daughter from day 1-5 fertilising and hatching), photo of them on transfer day being transferred and then early scans. All experiences people having a natural conception wouldn't be involved in so there is this added layer of attachment there

[quote ivfbeenbusy]@Yokey

Having 9 must be bitter sweet because with that number you'll know you won't ever transfer them all (hopefully)

I used to obsess about how many blastocysts I'd get but I'm sort of glad now we only have 2 spare and I can tell Myself that one day I will use them (even I don't) [/quote]
I was exactly the same. I remember waiting for the calls with our embryo updates and hoping we had a good number. I didn’t think we’d be so lucky with the first one and never thought of the consequences of excess blasts. Having 3 left is a tricky number as we could try for a sibling and potentially use them all. I have a friend who is done after two children from ivf and has 15 left in the freezer. She feels differently as she always knew some would likely have to let some go.

**I know someone was able to take theirs home and plant a tree but I don’t know if this is allowed everywhere.

@Betsyboo87 I think, ideally, this is probably the sort of thing I’d like to do and would be at peace with. Our storage ends in July so will ask the clinic closer to the time if that would be an option.

@ivfbeenbusy yeah, we'd never use them all even if we were unsuccessful. Can't see us having so many failed FETs and continuing when we already have one.

I often think what if they’d picked a different one to transfer? Then DS would be one of those blasts and that horrifies me that we could consider letting them go.

Ah that made me feel a little sick. I didn't choose mine personally though so there's that. I like the tree idea or something similar. I'd like to help science (given that it's really helped me) but just thinking about my little one and everything we've said, ugh, I don't think I could.

I do wonder, if I had lots of embryos left, whether I would feel different and think about donating to science. Still not sure I would though as I think the attachment might still be quite strong. It’s the fact that it’s just one. One little embryo out of 8 blasts that we started with. As many of you have said, initially it’s all about getting as many blasts as possible. You never really think about what will happen should you be lucky enough to have any left once your family is complete. 🤷‍♀️

I can't remember if it was asked when I did IVF in the UK but in Spain they asked before the cycle started, we said if any were left over they could be used for research. Not sure if any will be left over, will see how FETs go. I imagine there is scope to change your mind but it's actually quite good to have the subject raised before any emotions are attached to the embryos so you can explore your feelings and hopefully broadly agree with your partner.
I'm very pro organ donation and see this as a bit similar. I'm very comfortable with the idea of research and embryologists being able to study the embryos or improve techniques. I'm not so comfortable with embryo adoption by strangers but think any final decision will be made at the end of the journey whenever that is.

@ivfbeenbusy sorry to hear the end of your pregnancy was so scary, glad you're all well.

I've been incredibly lucky to have one child and another on the way from IVF. We have 4 blastocysts in storage but I really can't see us transferring any of them because our age, finances, health etc mean another child would not be the right thing for us. And as someone else has said, even if we transferred one or two, what would happen to the others? I almost think it's making my decision easier because I've got 4 so know I could never use them all.

@LongerthanMrTicklesarms I like what you say about thinking along the same lines as organ donation. It's such a personal part of us but if they could be used to help the advancement of science in some way I think I can make peace with that.