Posthumous IVF

[StormyC]

Hi everyone. Its been a long journey and i need to admit i need help :(

My husband and i were trying to concieve for several years prior to his passing. I am now about to venture into the world of ivf alone this time and would love to hace some support in my journey.

I dont really have many people to talk to and lota disappeared after my husband passed a few years ago it was a diffult time and one that didnt allow for other people in pur lives sadly.

I feel now i am in a place to try again with ivf and start in April, i had several MC's over the years and 2 failed attempts 1 when dh was well and 1 when he was sick both for me have been bad experiences and i am so hoping for a 3rd time lucky.

I havent told many people as i dont want to get to excited and then disappointed at the prospect, but i am struggling with my inlaws they dont seem to want to know and it hurts, any advice on how to manage would be really appreciated x

Sending such big hugs @StormyC what a journey you must have had. Are you using embryos you created together or will you be having a fresh cycle?

Every month there is a thread for people going through an IVF/FET cycle on here, so definitely join that when you’re having the cycle, I’ve found that it helps to talk to people on here who are having a cycle at the same time. You may also want to join some groups for women who are going through the IVF journey alone, there are lots of women who do this and I bet they’ve got some really good advice to give. Have you spoken with the counsellor at your clinic? They could be a good source of support too, I spoke with one last week for the first time and they helped me recognise some things I need to work on. The other thing I find helpful is the Headspace app, there are also some Headspace videos on Netflix which are good.

Hi gardenlady543,
This will be a fresh cycle we managed to freeze my partners sperm before he passed but its limited.

Because i had ohss the 1st time they all went to waste and the reduced meds the 2nd time left me with just 1 which failed so hoping for some frozen ones this time cause egg collectuon sucks lol.

I havent seen the group u mentioned am struggling to find my way around is there a link?

And yeah am all counselled out i think its not the same as real people. Its so hard with covid also i miss people lol

@StormyC That’s really good that you’ve got the frozen sperm. I hope you get lots of embryos in this cycle! There is a thread called IVF March/April, Let me know if you can’t find it and I’ll go on it and tag you, people normally introduce themselves and then post with updates. It’s really good to keep in touch with people having the same meds and procedures. I’m hoping some people will start some for later months soon, I’m having a mock cycle in about 2 weeks and then will have a month off and looking at a FET in around May.

Thank you i will repost there. How long have you been trying if you dont mind me asking? I am in my late 30s now over 10 years in the process with obvious breaks inbetween and the standard tests n drugs prior to full ivf etc

Actually could you tag me pls :)

@StormyC Me and DH started trying when we got married, we tried for 12 months and then started the IVF process at that point which was November last year. The fresh cycle went well but I developed an allergy to progesterone, we still had the transfer but it was unsuccessful, we then had a FET in January which again was unsuccessful. So compared to others we haven’t tried for that long, but I’ve never had a positive pregnancy test before and my specialist is worried that there I have recurrent implantation failure. I’m 35, I’ve decided to pause and have some investigations at the moment, we did PGT-A and we’ve had recurrent implantation bloods tests taken (thrombophilia screen and autoantibodies) and the mock cycle will be to do an ERA.

@StormyC I’ve just tagged you in the IVF March/April thread, at least I hope I have, otherwise I’ve just announced your screen name 😂

I have everything crossed for you, i am 39 now and know my window is closing but i am hopeful. I 2 struggled with the drugs my body does not like them at all lol.

I have started to change my diet now and the drugs are different from what i had the 1st 2 times so fingers crossed.

Me and my dh when we 1st started i was just 28 but they wouldnt let us do any tests until we had been trying for 2 yrs. The tube test thing hurt like hell but i hear lots got pregnant after that, i think sometimes its just a timing thing and others, i know some private clinics offer blocking injections (they basically stop the female body attacking foreign entities in the body) the NHS clinics dont do this in the uk but the private ones do and have lots or successful. If this round doesnt work am going to try it after so many years it will be my last hope x

Hi Stormy, no major advice, just to wish you luck, it sounds like you have been through a lot.
DH had sperm frozen due to illness, depending on how many straws you have it may be worth discussing with the clinic (before defrosting) if they recommend ICSI based on the quality and the sadly more limited supply.

Regarding your inlaws I probably wouldn't mention it to them tbh, it must be a strange thing for them to think they could end up with a grandchild from their late son, if or hopefully when it becomes a reality I'm sure they will be supportive.

Yeah ICSI is my obly option really, i ahve about 6 tries but money wise and age drag that to about 2. Tha k you for you reply inlaws are the most wonderful people and have been solid in my life since my husbamd passed, i 1st mentioned it to them as they were unaware of our attempys prior i want them to be alwaus included in our lives drspute my husband passing but i cant deny i feel disheartened that they dont want to talk about it and be on the journey. They and i havd lost so much maubr i am asking too much, i think if sucessful they will adore any baby i have but think its the rollercoaster they cant be apart of no matter how much i need them x

Are you having the same or just saving the straws for now? X sending you love 2 its so hard and the world seems so much smaller sometimes xx

Sorry Stormy that I wasn't clear, I feel like an insensitive idiot now, but DH has recovered - the sperm freezing was before cancer treatment but he is still alive so I'm not on the same journey as you. I'm sorry your DH passed so young. I was trying to advise you as I can only imagine how strong you need to be, sending love to you. And lots of luck with your treatment.
I do think in-laws would adore your baby but think you're right that they can't be part of the rollercoaster and it might even feel like more pressure on you if you do include them.
Who is your support network? You will also get support on here from people going through IVF. 💐 💐

@StormyC I think you’re right about your in-laws. I suspect they are trying to protect themselves from further pain. Losing a child is just the most horrendous thing, they perhaps don’t want to get their hopes up, a grandchild that belongs to their son, will mean part of him is still here. But getting their hopes up and then if it doesn’t work, having to grieve all over again, is perhaps just too much for them. I haven’t told any of my family that we’re having IVF and neither has DH, I’ve just told 3 close friends and then I get support from on here. You won’t be alone, you can always come on here. I so hope the protocol goes well for you and that you get success, it definitely sounds like you’re due some good luck.

Bless you what a long and difficult journey you have been through. I'm so sorry for the lost of your partner. I agree with others, I think with ivf no one can really understand what you are going through unless they are/have done it themselves and you will find support here on these forums.
I agree your in laws might be trying to protect themselves from getting their hopes up, they might be feeling conflicted emotions as well. I think if they don't seem too keen to talk about it with you at the moment not to pursue it too much at this stage.
Do you have other close friends or family you could confide in?x