Help with Pregnancy envy

[CLARK13]

Hi everyone.
I'm new to this, googled forums as I don't know who to talk to.

We have been TTC for 4 years with 1 ectopic, 1 misscarrige and a failed ivf. I am now suffering with other problems which seems our dream of being parents is even further out of my reach.
My best friend was some one who I broke down to and really relied on for sharing my feelings about the whole thing but she has just told me she is pregnant and I'm really struggling to come to terms with it. I hate my self for even saying that I'm so jealous and envious, it's like someone's stamped all over my heart. I feel like I cant share my journey with her now. I've spoke to my mum and husband about it and they say I need to suck it up and just be happy for her bit I'm finding it really hard to speak to her. I'm dreading seeing her as I'm worried ill burst into tears! Seems to be a daily occurance atm! Is there any of you that has been in a similar situation and can share how you coped with this? I'd really appreciate it.

Look forward to hearing from you
X

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel :( Has a few friends and colleagues make me feel the same, which seems such an unreasonable way to feel doesn't it! I hope she was at least careful and thoughtful when she told you. I would probably try to talk about other friends to it, especially friends who don't have children yet. Tell them that of course you're also happy for her but don't need a conversation about that right now. If they're supportive, they will understand and talk about your feelings instead.

(Sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes, terrible at proofreading before posting.)

@AnonymousXXIX

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel :( Has a few friends and colleagues make me feel the same, which seems such an unreasonable way to feel doesn't it! I hope she was at least careful and thoughtful when she told you. I would probably try to talk about other friends to it, especially friends who don't have children yet. Tell them that of course you're also happy for her but don't need a conversation about that right now. If they're supportive, they will understand and talk about your feelings instead.

Thanks so much for replying ❤ Yes I feel bad for feeling bad 🙈 really strange feeling. Yes she has been really careful in telling me, I know she can sense I'm not myself. I would never want her to find out I feel this way, I don't think it's fair to sh%t on her parade with my issues! I think I'll try talking to a friend that won't pass it on to her. Hoping this pit of sadness I'm in will pass soon 🤞🏻

You've come to the right place! Jealously is such a common feeling, so you are definitely not alone. Infertility can transform even the loveliest of people into bitter monsters. It's just such an awful and unfair experience, so be kind to yourself. Seems like you're behaving admirably in not wanting to detract from your friend's happiness and crediting her for her sensitivity towards you.

It was Facebook announcements, colleagues and acquaintances that really got me (rather than close friends). I was seething when a friend's 17-year-old daughter announced her happy news! I felt she was undeserving and I cursed the world! Of course, I knew I was being an arsehole (in thought only) but the unwelcome feelings were still there.

You're the best judge of what to do next. Maybe you'll decide to do your best to suck it up for your friend's sake, as your mum and DH suggest, but there's no shame in backing a way a little for the time being if you need to. With respect to your mum and husband, they probably don't fully understand what you're going through no matter how caring and well-intentioned they are. Infertility is an absolute trauma.

Thank you @yokey exactly how I feel! She keeps asking when we can meet up and luckily I can blame the lockdown, that's been a blessing in a way to shut my self away and work through my feelings! You are right, distancing myself is best, I've also removed my self off social media, the many lockdown baby announcements going on don't help 😩 x

Hey ladies
So last week our teams call at work was all about my pregnant colleague and her second birth happening this month.
Then everyone saying 'ah it gets easier with the second'
Probably doesn't help that my pregnant colleague is absolutely awful person, a real cow . Today we had another dull meeting talking about baby books and what to do with a new born.

However when friends are pregnant I am genuinely happy for them and I got to cuddle my friends baby on Monday ♥️♥️♥️♥️

Weirdly I am happy for friends but not random women I don't know. I suppose it annoys me because my colleague is pregnant again a year after her first baby so it's been easy for her.

I was the same @Kiehl. I was happy for people close to me, though it was still a sad reminder. The real bitter jealousy came with people I didn't know that well, especially if I thought they'd had it easy! I was always happy for someone who'd struggled, but I know some can't manage that. It's just a really shit feeling. I totally get why it could be worse for some people when it's someone close though, with it being in your face so much.

Your meetings sounds horrendous! I'm so sorry you're having to sit through that. I guess there's no way to move it along without seeming rude or outing your fertility issues? What a shit situation

Ergh I bet it feels like gloating doesn't it 😩 I'm sorry you have to sit through that! I think this journey has taught me to be mindful of ttc couples. Wish everyone had the same thought 😪 x

Thank you ♥️ ❤️❤️
I'm glad I'm not alone when having to deal with these feelings and emotions.
I suppose if it was in the real world I'd slip out or just stay at the back and show my face but on teams is so much worse.
She'll probably be pregnant with her third in no time!

Could you confide in someone in the meeting and explain you might need to go off and make a tea or have 10 minutes to yourself. Hopefully they can try and move the conversation on to another subject for you ❤ hope you don't have to listen to it everyday, must be really hard xx

it's a common reaction, don't beat yourself up. Infertility is like a wound that never heals, and can destroy even family bonds in its wake. I've seen a lot of couples breaking under that weight. As for me, I was over the moon when my friend got pregnant without help. She has PCOS like me. I felt like we were in this together and saw it as something promising for me. With other pregnancies I get angry, not with the women, but with my "failure".
Take time to reflect and when you feel ready, talk to her. Don't cut her off.