Struggling with unexplained infertility

[BubsNumber2inTheMaking]

Hi all
I'm struggling today. We've been ttc dc #2 since Jan 2020 and have had 2 mc along the way. Last one was at Xmas at 5weeks. And today I'm just over it! So sad and feeling so hopeless. Will it ever happen? My ds is 4 already so even if I get pregnant next month, he'd be 5 before he had a sibling. And that's best case scenario. I've got 4 friends due in April which is when I would've been due had my pregnancy last year not failed, and it's tearing me to bits knowing I'll likely have to endure all the baby spam without even being pregnant myself by that point. If I'm honest, I'm struggling to talk to those friends right now too..I just feel so alone. I know some have been through much worse than me and I'm blessed to have a child, but I'm just so sad...
Anyone out there going through similar?x

Sending you a big virtual hug and a large gin/wine xxxx I do understand. I’ll send a longer reply tomorrow as just about to go to work xx

I completely understand. I’ve been trying since the same time as you and have had a number of tests and nothing has come back wrong. It’s so frustrating. In that time I’ve had an ectopic pregnancy.

We are looking into ivf in a few months time because I can’t take the waiting anymore x

Hello @BubsNumber2inTheMaking

It’s been a very stressful year plus you had lots of disappointment/sadness/frustrations.

It is ok to feel sad.
It is ok to cry.
It is ok to ignore friends texts.
It is ok to come off Facebook/Instagram in order to protect yourself.
It is ok to feel sad one min and happy the next.

I’ve had a 3 year unexplained infertility journey and expressing your feeling helps so so so much.
No one really understands. Your husband/partner will be a huge support but only you really know how this feels so you must look after yourself.

You are VERY strong and with time you will feel better. I’ve yet to have a successful pregnancy however I know that hope is always there and time is helping xx

@Ac1234567 @IloveHaroldBishop thank you so much for taking the time to respond lovelies. The hardest thing I find is that when I try and speak to someone who hasn't been through it, they try to fix it...when I'm not asking them for an answer, I know they don't have one, I just need an ear. And i also think people ban be a bit arrogant about it - like they've had successful pregnancies so know how to make a baby. Which drives me nuts!

It surprises me when the down days hit. On the whole I'm a pretty positive person and even on this journey, I'm hopeful 75% of the time. Then I get negative tests or start getting premenstrual and it seems to hit like a steam train! I know it will pass and I'll get positive again...it just takes a couple of days to get over the disappointment I guess.

I've started taking coQ10 and n-acetyl cysteine to try and help boost my egg quality. Who knows if it'll help but it at least makes me feel less helpless! I need to step away from google though - there are so many things to read on the subject that it makes my head spin!

Sending positivity, and of course masses of baby dust to you. Thanks for hearing me rant xxx

@BubsNumber2inTheMaking I think we were on the same thread at some point around Xmas as I also miscarried at that time,
2nd miscarriage and also trying throughout 2020. I recognise your name.

Anyway just wanted to post as I seem to glued to Mumsnet feeling the same these last few weeks. I think it's the reality of the last miscarriage sinking in for me. In the mediate aftermath I thought I'd get pregnant straight away and I've since found out I've got premature ovarian failure and it's unlikely to happen again. I've also blocked off from friends having babies and loads of close mum friends are having #2 very soon which I'm struggling to hear about. I feel really angry about it.

I am dreading DD asking about a sibling, I'm really struggling to accept things at the moment.

Sending you lots of positive vibes, sorry you're struggling too. x

Hi @lamby12 , I'm so sorry you're going through a tough time - I recognise your name as well. It's all so blimin hard. Do you mind if I ask how old you are? Have you read the book 'Starts with the egg'? It's got lots of helpful stuff to try and boost ovarian reserve and egg quality, that's what I've been trying to work on these last couple of months. I don't have any knowledge on premature ovarian failure though so it may not be relevant. 🤷‍♀️ How did they diagnose that? I've started taking a larger dose of coQ10 and n-acetylcysteine which are supposed to help, and this month I'm going to try taking a low dose of aspirin too (although that's nothing to do with the book!).
Sending you huge amounts of strength and positivity. 💜 It's so tough when all you want is another baby. I'm desperate for a sibling for my 4yr old and over the last year I've had to make peace with the fact that the age gap will be huge (5yrs is best case scenario currently and I'm not even pregs yet 🤦🏼‍♀️)....or it might never happen at all. But I must admit I'm not quite mentally ready to accept the latter just yet. I just try and squeeze my son that little bit tighter and remember to feel lucky for what I've got Xx

Hi @BubsNumber2inTheMaking thanks, sorry you're feeling this way too. Some days/weeks I've been fine, kept really busy, and whilst it's always been there in my mind the possibility of accepting we stop TTC is not totally devastating. Other days/weeks like this week I feel consumed by it and utterly depressed!

I know I'm not ready to make any sort of decision yet. We have an appointment with the private consultant this week to outline our options but on her initial review of my results it was clear IVF would have limited chance. To be honest we can't afford it anyway, it would have to be a loan which would cripple us as we've just (this month!) paid off all the credit cards etc from poor money management/doing up our house. We're finally getting our shit together financially after not having a penny to spend between us for 5 years yet working our backsides off. I owe it to existing DD to not take us down a path of financial ruin on IVF. I also know I wouldn't be able to stop once started until it was successful.

My DD is 2.5 so the age gap isn't massive yet however I really feel if it's unlikely to happen due to my fertility I need to find a way to move on assuming we aren't having another, and obviously if it did happen then great. I have terrible endometriosis symptoms which have always been managed by the pill. The doctors can suggest anything else to help until we're done TTC and 18 months of being off hormone control is really taking its toll on me. As is the opks, tracking, hope every month. DH is sick of hearing about it, can't understand my desperation and depression over it (he wants another DC but I get the feel he could more take it or leave it, he's an only child so doesn't get my yearning of a sibling for her.

I know it's nowhere near as long as many others but I feel like it's the end of the road soon because of fertility. Maybe I'm being dramatic because of how I feel at the moment. But I know I can't spend the next few years like this. I'm missing DDs toddlerhood because I'm so down. I feel like before I know it she'll be at school and I'll have wasted the last few years TTC.

It's really shit isn't it. People don't get that secondary fertility can be so debilitating. X

@lamby12 awww hang in there lovely. I totally get how exhausting and all consuming ttc can be. Your body is also not your own during that time which makes it really hard to just 'plough on' if you've got anything underlying that is on hold for treatment whilst ttc. Completely not the same thing as you, but I suffer from bad cystic acne on my chin and neck that was largely kept under control with bc. I've been off bc since Nov 2019 and my skin is just AWFUL. It has such an effect on my mental health and there is so little I can do to help it except diet as ttc. My diet is so good (very little sugar/carbs/dairy) but it's still not enough to cure it. I'm so desperate to stop ttc so I can sort myself out again but not ready to stop trying just yet. Eugh, such a catch 22 with ttc sometimes!
At least you've got a bit of time on your side and your dd isn't that old just yet. Why don't you try taking a year off ttc, go back on meds you need, do all the natural things that boost ovarian reserve and have another go at ttc next year or the year after? I've honestly read about amazing success stories through supplement and diet change. Gotta be worth a try? And in the meantime you'll be getting stronger and happier, which would also help ttc? Just an idea. I know it's not what you want though. Hope you're ok. Be kind to yourself xxx