Oh God I don't think I want a baby

[TheBeesKnee]

I've had a horrible thought just now. I don't think I want a baby. I've spent 3 years so SO focussed on the fact that in couldn't have one I don't think I've thought about the actuality of having a baby.

My entire family have hated having babies and I thoroughly enjoy my freedom.

What am I doing?

What's brought this on?

Sorry for short reply, just wanted to say something quickly given the time of night incase you wanted to talk. Are you close to that becoming a reality? I think that being scared is perfectly normal.

@TheBeesKnee I’m really clear that I do want a baby even though I know it’ll be hard and it scares me slightly!
I think it’s easy to get overwhelmed by the conception and infertility side and forget about the outcome as that’s exactly what I was saying to my partner this week, you almost don’t think about the next step to protect yourself from disappointment. Is it fear or did you start this process thinking I’m a woman therefore I should have a baby and now realise it’s not what you want? So much pressure on women - I definitely feel like you get judgement men don’t get if you don’t have children. There are so many other ways to have a fulfilling life and it’s braver to say it’s not for me rather than just go along with expectations. What does your partner think? Hopefully you’re on the same page as this can be really hard?

Would you go and talk to a counsellor? Sometimes talking to someone completely impartial can help as you don’t feel bad about being honest or saying something they wouldn’t like?

I always used to wonder this throughout the 5years TTC. I think it was self preservation for me. I think this is normal and a way of not drowning in despair. Certainly for me, it didn't mean I didn't want a baby. People who get pregnant in a normal timescale, like a few months, don't have time to think about this I reckon.