Hit rock bottom - help please

[AnnonLol]

Today is officially the day we are defined as infertile.

One year TTC. DH has 0% morphology - but what's more, he has an disease and I have a sneaking suspicion that means high DNA fragmentation. Perhaps we're screwed?

I told DH today I'm struggling with this journey we didn't chose and at least DSIL has decided she doesn't want any children, I told him I wouldn't know how to cope if one of our siblings suddenly announced a pregnancy and we can all be child free together at least. Try to see the positives.

So she announced a surprise pregnancy tonight. Apparently she changed her mind in the last month and that's as long as it took her to fall pregnant. Felt the need to ask us if we're trying. I always find women keep coy about TTC until they're pregnant then feel it apposite to ask when they never wanted to be asked when they were vulnerable and hopeful!

Have not seen my DH so low as he was tonight. Hit us like a tonne of bricks. The sibling who didn't want kids now has one in the way, DH who felt having a child was his lives purpose is struggling with infertility. We feel we're being punished - but for what?

When you want a child, and it isn't happening - what other purpose is there for ones life? I feel so hopeless. How do you cope with this pain? The baby bombs? The fact you must spend a house deposit on a chance of an IVF baby? All the while knowing others get to spend that on raising and developing the child who came easily to them? And how on Earth do you find any desire to DTD? I see it as a function that's broken and have no desire.

I feel so utterly broken right now.

Hello @AnnonLol. Sorry to hear you're having a terrible night. We've all been there - devastated, uncertain, fearful. Pregnant family and close friends everywhere you look. Nothing else feeling as fulfilling as it used to. Tonight it's very raw. Tomorrow will also feel terrible. But you will feel better again - at least better than you feel right now.

Get some good rest and good sleep and do some things you like that have nothing to do with babies.

You and your hubby still have lots of options. When you feel a bit emotionally stronger, work out what the ivf options are (public?) and actual cost and success rates. Your husband can stop smoking/alcohol/caffeine/start zinc. Also 0% morphology can still get pregnant naturally so don't leap to worst case scenarios yet. I don't know what work up you've had yet but you're not out of hope yet - not by a long shot.

Didn't want to read and run. Just wanted to say, I know how hard this is. Seems like everyone is pregnant and you're the odd one out. My brother and sister-in-law announced they were pregnant recently and I bawled my eyes out afterwards. I'm 41 and our first IVF cycle failed on the NHS. We swapped to a private clinic who do a lower dose of drug stimulation and we are doing three-cycle package. I still have some hope. I haven't given up, but the chances aren't the best at my age. As I say tho, there's still hope so I continue. Try and look into your options. You might feel better once you have a plan. I really wish you the best of luck and sending you a virtual hug xx

What is your partner count as morphology is the shape of sprem what is his count xxx

Thank you. Thank you all so much for taking the time to respond.

We have of course being struggling for a while but it took one triggering event to scare me with the depth me if this pain. Ladies I’m sorry you are all going through the same - and I’m so grateful for the time you took to respond. The sheer depth of my pain had really shocked me.

@Hoping1The morphology is zero but all other factors are above average. Just so scared the morphology means DNA fragmentation and that we’ll never have a family.
Do you have any hopeful stories in Morph? Or the other factors?

Thank you again ladies. Need to try and snap out of this. Was find until the unexpected trigger.

@AnnonLol you defo not out of anything at all lv you have sprem. Now my partner was low on everything he had somthing like 9million count and 3% morphology which hospital said was a big problem. Went for first ivf visit they said both sprem test showed it hadnt improve much at all so recommended something called proxeed. Now proxeed is expensive and my parner twisted taking it. It a power you drink twice a day before meal. Now my partner twisted the whole time taking we were delay ivf because of covid the first time round. So he was on it longer then he thought as they say 3 months to get in system he was on it 8 because of the delay. So fast forward to ivf round he gives his sample we were on isci from beginning. The sample showed massive inpovement across the board they even thought of not doing isci but said to improve chance his count went to 17million and morphology was like 13%. It the first time I have seen him happy though this whole journey. Sadly that didn't work I have problems too. But he takes it everyday without twist now he knows it works.xxx

I'm so sorry that you are feeling so low OP. I know how you feel (as sadly, many of us do).

I just wanted to share that we had the same type of infertility. My results were fine. My husband's semen analysis showed above average in all areas except morphology, which was 0%.

We went on to do IVF and he just took standard vitamins and zinc that we picked up from the supermarket. We had 3 eggs collected and all 3 fertilised, but 1 dropped off almost immediately, then on day 2 the second embryo wasn't looking great, the 3rd was on track. So we transferred number 2 and 3 on day 3.

We now have a daughter from that first go.

I did get pregnant naturally last year (first ever conception with my husband in 5 years) but that ended in a miscarriage at 9 weeks and our recent tests show our fertility has not improved.

So with no embryos in the freezer, we are looking at funding another round or two of IVF.

Just wanted to say - I feel you. Been on this journey a long time too. You certainly are not alone, and I often get that low every time I get my period. But a good routine, and focusing on things I can control - like my health/ diet, helps me to focus, and gives me hope each month - which I need to survive! I also listen to positive podcasts, like 'fearlessly fertile'.
Also, my OH's first sample at the NHS came back bad; we got him on wellman conception, selenium, vit c and vit d - and all subsequent samples have been really good. I often think that because he had to do the sample at home, then drive it to the hospital - all that time in between collection and testing can have an adverse impact.
You have so many options open to you - stick with it! Try some new things (diet, reduce caffeine, supplements, pro-seed, orgasm timings etc.) to keep that hope alive ❤️

We had this last year - I actually stupidly thought I could be pregnant because my period was very late (despite DH not having any sperm..) and then got my period. DSIL told us that evening she was accidentally pregnant.

Fast forward a sperm aspiration, freeze all IVF, embryo transfer, and we're actually pregnant at the same time (very briefly as she's almost due!). Not saying that will happen, as I know every journey is different, but I hope that gives you some home that even in seven months a lot can change. I found the NHS is awful at knowing what to do with male infertility, so if you're going that route make sure they are referring you correctly to the right services.

All the best for your treatments.

Hi AnnonLol

So sorry you're feeling low, it's really tough isn't it, especially when all these pregnancy announcements turn up to kick us when we're down!

I'm in a similar position, my fiance's last test came out all way above average but zero percent morphology. However, he previously (before me) accidentally got someone pregnant... so although that was unfortunate we at least know it can happen. He's been put on a long, low dose course of antibiotics in case there's some infection we don't know about, plus we're both taking loads of supplements, not really drinking etc and we're going to retest in two months. Sperm does change, so it's possible it will improve.

I also have PCOS which I've been getting under control with supplements and diet (not weight loss, just eating less sugar and more whole grains). It's probable with both our issues we may need ICSI, I spoke to a fertility consultant and he said even with poor morphology once you use ICSI it should have good results. So don't give up hope yet, there are options out there

@AnnonLol just to let you know a couple of years ago my husband had 0% morphology and excellent DNA fragmentation. His morphology has improved through a combination of having a varicocele removed and a good diet. We haven't had a baby yet because of recurrent miscarriage, but the problem seems to be me rather than him. Don't despair, you have options - I hope you're feeling better than when you posted this message x

Feel your pain OP, I've got pcos and dh has 0% morphology too. 18 months ttc. Currently undergoing fertility treatment.
It feels like life moves around you and you have nowhere to turn sometimes, but you're not alone 💜 we go through lists of what we do have and are grateful for which helps x

Thank you everyone for your responses. I’ve felt encouraged by this thread and knowing I’m not alone in these feelings. Thank you all

@AnnonLol we got plenty of good quality embryos through ICSI when my husband had 0% morphology. Sadly I miscarried most of them but that was nothing to do with the embryos or the sperm.

Life is terribly unfair, I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. We will get there, wherever ‘there’ is x

@AnnonLol I really bloody hope there's success stories otherwise we're screwed! The doctor doesn't seem to be concerned though. I think you have to trust in the experts and know that they will do what's best for you x

@AnnonLol Yes, life is unfair for women going through infertility and it is perfectly fine to feel that way and even wallow in it. I know I have and still do. The pain you are feeling is not irrational, it is a testimony to your strong yearning for a child. You still have many, many options and I am sure you will end up with that so wanted child. I had a daughter after a long infertility journey and the day she was born all that horrible pain just vanished. It will for you too. And trust me, when you’re up all hours of the night with a newborn or struggling to breastfeed, you will remember it and it will give you strength, more strength than any lady who got pregnant on her first month trying and is now wondering why she ever had a baby!

@Tarsette that is a wonderful outcome. I am filled with encouragement when I hear about other ladies happy outcomes after a long journey. I wouldn’t care if it would take years more... so long as the outcome were guaranteed. Life aye.

I am getting used to the news of my SIL but ignoring her at all costs for self preservation. Is that normal? Rational? How on earth do you ladies cope with being around and holding other peoples babies? Lockdown is a blessing in disguise for that right now.

I hope we all achieve a lovely outcome to this challenging journey.

Ok, firstly, every journey is unique, and so far being in one that has so far not produced outcomes, I understand the heartbreak and the uncertainty that is the worst part.

I'm in a similar position, but the issue is with me, my AMH is .51, and I only seem to in total produce 4 eggs each month, and we've had other issues such as polyps and cysts, etc.. We are about to try our fourth/third round of IVF, (one was cancelled mid round.).

At some point we just looked at each other and it really hit us it may not happen for us. But, when that hit, I realized my main feeling was that my future lacked meaning without children or adoption.

That month was terribly difficult on our marriage, as my husband is closed to adoption., but we took time to come up with an actual plan B, and I've felt a lot more at ease since. I said if we really can't do this, I want to go volunteer at an orphanage for a year, or and he wants to do local mentorship for young men. I'm sure everyone's would be different. I'm not suggesting to give up hope. Only to offer that in our case holding a second path to meaning for my life in my heart gave me a peace I'd been longing for and in desperate need of through this entire journey. I don't need to be presumptive, and I'm not sure if it helps you at all or not, but I thought, I would share, as it's brought a lot of peace to us.