FET - do you need your partner there?

[Folklore9074]

Slightly odd one... we are hopefully have our first FET soon but I'm wondering does my partner need to be there?

I know technically he doesn't, its not like egg collection, but a few people have said it will be a 'special moment' - but really, will it? I feel like the opportunity for conception to 'special' passed well over 18 months ago (around the time we realised IVF was going to be on the cards!).

He would need to take the time off work, and time before that to go in for a covid swab and the clinic haven't been really clear about when that would happen. It all seems a bit vague about how many scans I'll need between now and a potential FET. His job can be quite stressful and he is not 'out' at work about our IVF (I am with a really supportive boss).

I could see him feeling a bit flustered on the day I just wonder if I would find the experience more relaxing if I was on my own, had a good book to pass the time and with him waiting to spoil me a bit when I got back. I really don't want to make him seem like a cold career person, he is has/been amazing throughout this. Also aware this probably won't be our only FET.

So I guess my question is for those who have done an FET - would we be missing out one something important if he wasn't there? What were your experiences? Was it special? Or just like another clinical process?

It was another clinical process for me. My DH didn't come to my fresh or frozen transfer and doesn't feel like he missed out on anything.

Hi, I think it’s all very much down to individual perspective. I’ve had one fresh transfer and three FETs. My OH didn’t come for for any of the scans for the FETs or any of the embryo transfers- it’s hard to know the exact dates in advance and I told him not to bother to struggle to get the time off. It was good to have him there after egg collection but for the FETs it was absolutely fine to go myself. X

That's a very practical approach, I would tend to agree.
NHS clinic where I did my first IVF insisted on DH being at the appointment which was unnecessary (obviously pre pandemic), they said it was to do with consent but considering he'd willingly jizzed in a cup for them a few days earlier and signed loads of forms it didn't make sense but he was able to be flexible quite easily so there was no point arguing. They're probably not allowing partners now!

He doesn’t need to be there. I found it easy (apart from the needing to pee part!). Next transfer he will be with me. After that probably not. But lm conscious it’s a personal individual thing

Thanks everyone - love you lot on the infertility board!! Really needed to hear about the experiences of other women here to make the decision. Totally get that people's experiences and feeling are going to vary but I reckon my instinct to go on my own is probably the right one for us. Xx

I just had my FET this week alone as my husband works away and couldn't get back home for it. I thought I would find it more special than it was- the nurses were amazing and made me feel so relaxed.... but in the end it was very clinical. It never actually hit me til I was home and settled what the procedure meant. They did ask if I wanted ultrasound imagine of the transfer which was something I could then send to my husband. I found this was ideal. To be honest- I think he would've freaked out and not known where to look if he'd be there! He would've stressed me out! Good luck!!

I've had three transfers and dh didn't come to any. It would mean a day off work for him. I see it as quite clinical. If we knew it would be the transfer that would work then he'd take the day off . Partners still not allowed in at my clinic anyway.

My DH wasn’t there as no partners are allowed just now due to covid restrictions, but if he was allowed I absolutely would have him with me, as I find such procedures stressful and painful and he puts me at ease. It’s a very personal thing.

I am due a fresh cycle soon. And have been told for the egg retrieval my husband has to wait in the car until called for his sample and come in just for this. And for the egg transfer he isn't allowed into the clinic at all, due to covid.

My partner only attended those occasions for which it was absolutely necessary. At transfer, the doctor did make a jokey comment about his absence, as though it was unusual (which it seems it isn't). I said the less intrusive the whole process is, the better and I don't like a fuss generally anyway. I took a photo of the embryo for him, but I didn't know if it would be special or not at that point.

*I took a photo of the tv screen which displayed my embryo magnified (if that wasn't obvious )

@Folklore9074 I had my FET yesterday and my partner was with me. The clinic gave us the choice and he really wanted to be there. The staff were great at including him and he felt that it was a really special moment that he was glad to be there for. I just asked him now for you and he said he wouldn’t have wanted to miss it. Afterwards he was saying how amazing it was to see. He was at my head end so didn’t see anything “clinical”! It’s obviously a very personal choice but just wanted to give you a different perspective. From my own point of view, I wanted my partner to at least be in the room when I got pregnant!

DH didn’t come with me for FET. I drove 45 miles by myself, was there for about half an an hour and drove home. I don’t feel he missed anything. He’s there for all the emotional ups and downs at home and that’s far more what I remember. I don’t even think about the actual transfer now (although I do remember saying to myself ‘c’mon on egg, we got this’ in my way out 😂

Wishing you all the best

Dp hasn't been allowed in for anything so far due to covid restrictions. I'd love him to be there for ET