Is it time to give up?

[WhatKatyDidNxt]

We are meant to be starting a 2nd round of IVF imminently. A scan was booked for Wednesday but my partner has been diagnosed with COVID (vaguely unwell but he’s ok) and so the scan will have to be cancelled. I don’t know if l can face the waiting, re-book the scan, maybe miss the window for it to start my last cycle etc. The 100’s of appointments, feeling shit with the medication etc etc. I have tested negative despite feeling unwell, so we may need to go through isolation etc again if l get it another time.

I don’t know if l can be bothered with it all, should l quit IVF and give up all together. This isn’t a way l am feeling momentarily, l have felt like this for quite a while. Part of me is wondering why do this to myself, letting all of these horrible feelings and experiences into my life? There are no guarantees of it working after all

Only you can tell if you’ve had enough. I am starting my 5th round soon and am still very committed to it. If you are feeling like this after only one round maybe it’s not the route for you and you’d rather just go with if it happens it happens if not you’re happy enough. Anyway Re your current round I would wait 3 months before trying again. If your DH has had covid a temperature could have ruined his sperm for now.

Sorry about the crappy timing @WhatKatyDidNxt

I would say don't make any decisions now when you've got extra stress on top of the IVF stress. If this cycle at this time can't happen then let yourself process that and see how it goes.
I've felt like giving up many times so you'll probably recognise if it is a knee jerk reaction or actually something closer to the end of the road (which is a valid option in case it sounds like I disagree) but now isn't the moment to decide. Counselling might help you order your thoughts.

I've never heard that having a temperature ruins sperm, can I ask who has told you that @FitzsimmonsMarvel

Our clinics haven't ever asked DH if he's had a flu or illness causing a high temperature in the months preceeding IVF.

I'd also wait and let things settle. As per previous poster I think they advise waiting 3 months after having covid before giving a sample anyway. If In 3 months you aren't "feeling" it then re evaluate then? When my 5th round got cancelled due to lack of response and then we went into lockdown I also felt similar - that I just couldn't be bothered anymore, lacked enthusiasm and commitment - I really enjoyed having 3 months "holiday" from IVF and actually felt quite resentful of still
Having my 5th (and final) round hanging over me. But I would have always wondered "what If" - and actually my 5th round was successful in the end and I gave birth to twins last week x

@LongerthanMrTicklesarms same reason they recommend men don’t take hot baths/sauna and keep their laptops off their knees. High temperatures ruin sperm quality so an actual high temperature throughout your body would have a negative impact.

When you say you’ve been feeling like this for a while, how long do you mean?

How long has it been since your first cycle failed? Do you have an understanding as to what when wrong and what can be done next time to improve your chances?

Sorry for barrage of questions but wondering why you’ve felt like this for a while and if there is more to it or if this is the stress around IVF talking.

I get where you’re coming from, it takes over your entire life and it’s exhausting. So I agree with what other ladies have said and maybe take a few months off.

If it’s been a few months already then maybe you need to really consider if IVF is for you?

He’s not had a high temperature at any point. If it wasn’t for the positive test result we’d struggle to believe he had it -his symptoms are fairly vague but he had close contact to it at work that we knew about. So he had a test

Being realistic my motivation, enthusiasm and commitment haven’t been great since the 1st cycle failed. I’m being held prisoner by “what if” basically. We have set a few previous give up deadlines -it was end of 2019, then end of 2020 and now probably this summer. I don’t want to waste any more time on this, it is now or never. After over 2.5 years of natural trying, some Clomid and an ivf round that created a load of abnormal embryos we had to bin, then it happening naturally is highly highly unlikely.

@WhatKatyDidNxt have you considering counselling to talk through your feelings? See if it’s a blip of being fed up or if you want to move on and stop. Most are doing sessions online.

Age might also be a factor? We are 4 years TTC , 4 rounds of IVF in - but as I’m 34 we are planning to keep going longer. I can see that giving up and moving on could be easier if we were in our 40’s

I'm so sorry, Whatkatydid. This sounds like an ordeal.

Talk about it to your husband and decide what you will do with your lives if childlessness is inevitable.

Only you can decide when it is time to give up trying.

All the best.

Aarrgh just wrote a long post and lost it!

@FitzsimmonsMarvel thanks, I meant that although clinics have mentioned the 'external' overheating of sperm by things like laptops, saunas, hot baths, they've never as far as I remember mentioned what to do if DH had an illness with a temperature.

@WhatKatyDidNxt DH did say we could stop after a difficult time when I was in a hideous IVF rut and we still had treatment left in our package. I didn't stop at that point but it was so good to have that reminder that actually you can stop at any time and say 'enough'. Right now for me it is easier to keep going than to quit, but the point might come soon.
Your end point is when you've had enough, not what someone else considers enough.
Good luck whatever you decide.