Male infertility, article in telegraph, Rhod Gilbert Comedian, Paywall warning

[theotherfossilsister]

There's an article in today's telegraph about comedian Rhod Gilbert and his wife's experience of male infertility.

As half of a couple on the waiting list for ICSI for male factor I found it really interesting, especially how the focus was so much on Sian Harries at first. I found the focus initially was very much on me too, with my partner adamant that he didn't need to change his lifestyle.

I'm actually really struggling to paste the link and it's paywalled anyway, but there's a documentary tomorrow on BBC.

I think it's fantastic this is being tackled but also will take a lot of convincing to get dp to watch it. There's so much denial.

Thanks for the heads' up on the article/documentary, that sounds really interesting.

We've finally made it to the stage where we can have a fertility clinic appointment and now the emphasis has - really - shifted to me, which is starting to feel increasingly frustrating. I am having to do so many scans and sacrifice so much time while none of it has anything to do with my health - and I can't really complain to DH about it because that would just make him feel guilty which won't help anyone.

It's so hard isn't it @AnonymousXXIX

We're waiting for ICSI but terrified that his sperm is too poor quality for it to work. I am able to keep myself healthy etc, but it really bothers me that I have no control over his sperm, and other than encouraging him to eat healthily there's not much I can do.

I also resent that I am going through invasive treatment while he has a less healthy lifestyle than me, but I guess I have to let go to an extent.

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/3T3JFbjR5Gnng7dXrv8WXZ9/rhod-gilbert-shares-the-emotional-turmoil-theories-and-misconceptions-about-infertility-in-a-new-bbc-documentary

Interestingly my partner just shared this link with me and said he wants to watch it - we have male factor and have just had our first ICSI cycle

@MF1981 how did it go? I am really scared he won't have enough sperm to fertilise my eggs.

Are you watching tonight? I'd like to but dp is really sensitive about it and quite depressed. I might have sounded resentful and mean in my earlier post. It's had a profound impact on this self esteem.

I think it's fantastic he's done this documentary, there is such an absence of famous men who will admit to having fertility problems. I remember googling it once and the only ones I could find who admitted to it were Gordon Ramsay and Lance Armstrong, both of whom have five children (so unlikely to have been that severe of a problem). Hopefully things like this will help make it easier for men dealing with this to realise it's nothing to be embarrassed about.

@theotherfossilsister his results on egg collection day were enough and we got 9 eggs fertilised, 4 made it to day 5 and were good enough to freeze. I’m having a double transfer on Thursday so no results to tell you just yet. It’s so difficult isn’t it because they can be so sensitive about it. And I get it. I don’t know what to suggest as luckily my other half has just kind of run with it and seems ok with the situation. I wouldn’t push it with him tho - you know what they’re like with their pride!

A bit different but related - I find it frustrating that my work policy on fertility treatment is at pains to point out that infertility can affect both men and women (true), but then goes on to say that it expects colleagues to schedule fertility appointments at the beginning or end of the working day or, if that's not possible, to take holiday to cover them. Now, who out of men and women realistically is most likely to have to use their holiday to cover time spent at fertility appointments...

@MF1981 Ah amazing luck! I just feel so scared we won't get to Blastocyst as his results are so so terrible. They've just tested him for Karotype problems because of it.

@msgloria They told me to try and schedule appointments around work, but I think they will be flexible, but yes, women do need more appointments. I sometimes wonder if infertility is a feminist issue, but that does feel mean to the men suffering.

@Jamtea123 I agree, I think it's great he is doing this.

Thanks for the heads up! I agree with the frustration we have provisional dates for our next cycle and I've told DH for weeks and found out today he hasn't even bothered to speak to his work about isolating as the clinic has requested! I have to beg him to eat healthy, luckily he's at least taking supplements without me reminding him daily. I know it's not his fault and I've always tried not to mention the reason for our IVF but it's so frustrating, our first cycle failed and I don't know how much more sh*t I'm going to have to out my body through

@Roo45 that is so hard. My partner often needs reminding to take his vitamins. He has depression and anxiety though and I think part of it is that he struggles to look after himself. We argued about his health before ttc.

@MF1981 if you don't mind me asking what was the male factor? I ask as my partner has 1% morphology and a bit the same where I'm worrying we are doing all of this and then come collection day it won't be good enough to do any.

@willithappen sure - we had low count, low morphology and low motility. Count is around 5million, morphology around 4% and motility around 19% although we did manage to improve that one to 30% for EC day.

Thanks @MF1981 that's a great help!

Wishing you all the best for your transfer and tww!

@willithappen thank you! Good luck to you too

@willithappen my partner has almost zero forward motility, I'm terrified of working hard to harvest lots of eggs and then none of his sperm fertilising them even with ICSI.

He's starting Coenzye 10 and selenium though.

We also have male factor but after our 4th round of icsi we are finally pregnant just under 18 weeks now so it can happen and we had really poor results. The latest sample said zero sperm but they said they would be able to find some for icsi. The first 3 we did conceive on but miscarried so basically what I’m saying is out of 4 rounds, all with male factor we conceived on them all and 6 years prior to this we had a natural conception so just wanted to say it is possible even when the odds are against you. Hope this helps xx

Just finished watching the doc on catchup. I thought it was funny and interesting and am happy he's making the topic more discussable.

At the same time though I wonder how much more of a taboo it becomes by him calling it taboo all the time, and also his morphology of 2% is something I envy! He didn't seem to understand no one has 100%..

DH was mostly quiet throughout, chuckled sometimes.

@AnonymousXXIX I know what you mean - my OH said he doesn’t feel embarrassed about it but was watching wondering if he is in the minority. I also think that they should have explained what a “normal” level of morphology is to put it into context. There were also a couple of inaccuracies - the explanation of ICSI was wrong for example. But I do think that the more people are aware of Male infertility, the more people will ask for tests to be done on the man rather than just focusing on us women. My GP ordered loads of tests for me but it wasn’t until we got to the fertility clinic that we were asked to do a sperm analysis. And the first time we got the result the doctor asked my OH if he took anabolic steroids - like that was the only possible cause! She’s met him and he does not look like he takes steroids! So that threw us a bit. Nobody has suggested he has any further tests to look for a cause apart from a hormone profile which was all normal.

@MF1981 we did have an SA done prior to the fertility clinic appointment (in fact the SA is what resulted in that appointment), but it was sort of coincidence rather than years of trying. I would say lucky? But then we're very unlucky ofc. So anyway we never experienced the bias very much up until now (because since the fertility clinic emphasis has massively switched to my ovaries, blood values, etc. even though they all seem fine) (knock wood).

Everyone keeps asking DH whether he's overweight and eating healthy and wearing the right underwear etc. etc. and we cannot explain clearly enough how bloody healthy he is. Doesn't smoke, doesn't drink, none of it. Using only those factors as explanations is getting very.. I don't know, patronising. There's got to be way more medical science to explore there.

@AnonymousXXIX yes we’re exactly the same. I did wonder about the bacterial infection that Rhod mentioned but I also watched Chris Hughes’ documentary and wondered about things like varicoceles. My OH does think he has small balls but not sure if that’s true

@MF1981 we suspected varicoceles, but an andrologist had a good look and says everything is totally fine. Size etc. as well. Still looking for an explanation for the super low values (like, way lower than Rhod).

@AnonymousXXIX that was one thing I did learn from the documentary actually - I’d never heard of an andrologist, only a urologist

@mctm123 congratulations and thank you for giving me a bit of hope.

@anonymousxxIx that's great, I might watch later while cooking. Dp has decided he doesn't want to and by watching things like this I am making infertility our whole life, rather than one aspect of it. I get it, but in some ways it is a huge part of our lives. I think it's become magnified for me since being refurloughed.

A bacterial infection sounds interesting. Dp is overweight though and doesn't really exercise except walking. He was referred to urology but I think that will take ages to come through.

@mf1981 good luck tomorrow. Please let us know how it goes.

Have watched the Rhod documentary

He mentions how embarrassing it is to give a sperm sample. He was mortified. Felt like punching the TV