Reading material on emotional side of IVF

[Nichola2310]

Hi, I was wondering whether anyone has any good links or reading material to help my DH understand the emotional side of IVF?

He is very black and white about things, we have a problem, and we're doing IVF to try fix it. If I say anything along the lines of it's just not fair, I get the long list of things we have to be thankful for.

I am thankful for everything I have, but it doesn't take away the pain of infertility.

Also are anyone else's husbands the same or just mine? I'm feeling like I'm better off just not talking to him about it.

Yes, try the book “get a life” it’s written with his and hers sections and is really good. It’s how my DH got his head around it (and also how to support me!)

@Youngatheart00 thanks so much, I'll take a look.

@Nichola2310 I feel like I wrote your post myself... my husband is the same! I don’t say much to him about the IVF journey because he’s so black and white, then he has a moan when I don’t tell him something minor - can’t win haha!

@Nlm77 glad to know it's not just me. I try not to say much either but then I feel like I'm the one carrying all the worry.

I think part of the problem is I'm so much more aware of all the things that can go wrong, whereas he's blissfully optimistic.

I've just ordered the book that was recommended so hopefully he'll read it.

I hope you find the book helpful. It helped me, even though our cycles haven’t succeeded yet. It also helped me when starting out - understanding all the drug protocols and timelines. It’s written in a very down to earth and readable way - I basically binged it, but DH just dipped in and out of it.

@Nichola2310 what stage are you at with the IVF process?

@Nlm77 should be having my baseline scan and starting stims this week

I was thinking if this thread this afternoon, I’m having a bit of a down day. I had EC on Wednesday passed, 9 follicles but only 2 eggs, however both fertilised which was amazing. Today is day 3, and the embryologist called and said 1 had 3 cells and the other was a slow 6 cells. So feeling a bit deflated, but still holding out hope, I’m getting another update tomorrow morning (feel like going to bed now so it comes quicker) my husbands response was “why are you feeling sad” 🙄 I think it’s just all an emotional rollercoaster.

@Nlm77 I'm so sorry to hear that, but hope you receive encouraging news tomorrow.

I also know that feeling of going to bed early to just get the day over with.

That's a difficult response from your husband, is he trying to remain optimistic do you think?

@Nichola2310 I definitely think he is trying to be optimistic, he probably doesn’t understand the cell situation. I research so much and then ramble on to him - I bet it’s like a foreign language to him! Maybe I’m the problem haha! I’m staying hopefully for good news tomorrow. All going well ET will be on Monday - that’s very exciting. But I don’t want to “run before I can walk”

@Nlm77 yes I definitely think part of what makes it so hard is that we know too much!

I really really hope all goes well for you.

Thank you, I hope all goes well for you too x

@Nlm77 thank you. Did you get an update this morning?

@Nichola2310 thank you so much for asking... a bit better news today, the one that was 6 is now 9, and the one that was 3 cells is now 7 cells - booked for ET tomorrow at 11.30am if all goes well. I really appreciate you asking x

@Nlm77 that's fabulous news, delighted for you!

Thank you, still not certain grounds - but a bit more positive. My husbands response today was “see there was no need to get upset yesterday” 🤷🏻‍♀️ Are you in short or long protocol? Is this your first cycle? X

@Nlm77 that sounds like what my husband would say!!

It's my first cycle, I had to go on the pill for 4 weeks and am now waiting on a bleed for my baseline scan, which should be this week. Of course to add to the stress we are snowed in today, and it doesn't give it to clear to Tuesday, so just another thing to worry about.

@Nichola2310 well then I started thinking - he has a point haha! This is my first cycle too, I was on short protocol, I was in Norethisterone for 7 days then scan, then stims for a week, trigger was Monday last week and egg collection was Wednesday. I’m so glad I found this site, it’s been great to connect with people who have experience or same timings etc. X

@Nlm77 yes I find it really useful too. Were you able to have an egg transfer this morning?

@Nichola2310 hi, I got a call this morning saying the 7 cell was still just cells however 9 cell had turned to blastocyst however she graded it as a 3CB, which I had transferred this morning. Now keeping fingers crossed, the TWW begins. Thank you for asking 💕 how are you has AF arrived? It’s the only time I’ve ever wanted AF to come so I could start the process x

@Nlm77 that's great!

No still hadn't arrived. I checked with the clinic so if it hasn't come by 4pm tomorrow I'm to ring them and I'd imagine they'll move my Wednesday appointment to later in the week....the pressure!