IVF and sex / providing samples

[Isitjustme2020]

Hey all, just wondering how you all find TTC and IVF affects your sex life generally and in particular how your DH/DP deals with the sample that is needed on the morning of the egg collection. We're finding it all feels so forced / pressurised and we had a little argument on the day of my egg collection when DH was talking about the ways I could help with him providing a sample - I was too preoccupied worrying about the egg collection itself and felt he was being a bit self absorbed. AIBU and also what are your experiences and what has helped?

@Isitjustme2020 I think IVF takes so much out of the female as essentially all the man needs to do is provide a sample on the day, but I do appreciate that could lead to a lot of anxiety for the guy, everything at this point relies on him producing a sample. So I thought it best not to put pressure on DH about this. Your partner was probable nervous so I wouldn’t read too much into his behavior on that day, I do appreciate how you felt on EC day though and the last thing I would have cared about would be helping DH with his sample!

I haven’t had a normal sex life while trying to conceive, everything has been timed and planned and we don’t have sex during my cycles. Maybe others have managed a good balance though.

I’ve had many round of ivf and never helped DH with his sample. I am usually full of meds bloated and nervous about having to undergo sedation and egg collection. It is nerve wracking for them being under pressure to do it on a clock but I see that as my DH job to sort out without involving me.

Our sex life has definitely suffered. We usually give it a good go during ovulation week and a bit then are usually fed up from having to do it even if we were tired etc so don’t bother until next ovulation window. I can’t remember what having sex just because I want it is like to be honest!!! But myself & DH are both on the same page.

Your DH might need a sit down chat about that row explaining all you’ve been putting yourself through with meds and procedures and it’s unfair to give you responsibility for his bit too.

With everything else you have to do the sample is up to him. In my clinic he goes off to do it while I'm in theatre for egg collection anyway so I wouldn't be available to help. They do offer the possibility (at a cost) of freezing a sample in advance if there is a risk of 'stage fright' or other logistical issues.

Thank you all, it's good to hear some other people say the same! I agree, our sex life hasn't been "normal" for ages. We communicate really well so I know he knows how I feel, and vice versa, but I think you're right he was nervous so I shouldn't read too much into it. And it's a relief to know you all leave your DH to it.
Thank you all for sharing; it's always reassuring to know others feel similarly. I hope it gets easier for us all soon and hope you all have success!!

I think I was under sedation at the time DH had to provide a sample. It's quite overwhealming on the day and I don't think wives are routinely invited to the room with their husbands, they are usually away doing scans, etc.

Sex life got back to normal as soon as we stopped ttc naturally and moved to IVF. I found this planned ttc was most stressful with IVF at least there was a plan. Luckily this whole business didn't affect DH libido although I can imagine it could be different for some

My partner made a joke about helping him but I think he understands that women have to go through a lot more!

When we were trying to catch ovulation things got stressful. If I told my partner it was time he got a bit anxious about it. I ended up just not telling him when I was ovulating and just initiating sex myself ha.
It's definitely a lot better now we're away to start IVF as I'm not tracking ovulation at all now and the stress has been taken off me

Dh froze a sample for backup just in case. Took the pressure off him massively he said.

Our sex life was and is a shambles. Ivf dd is 22 months. We didn't have any sex while I was pregnant with her. We had sex maybe 5-10 times after she was born and somehow we got pregnant. Currently 29 weeks and no sex since this one was conceived.

We used to have once/ twice a week sort of people. After dd? Maybe once a month (if that). We did try dtd when dd was about 9 weeks old. Felt super uncomfortable for me. We didn't try again until she was nearly a year (sleepless nights didn't help things tbf).

Expecting sex life to still be a shambles after this one arrives. Hopefully one day it'll get back to a place we're both a bit happier with... we can live in hope, right?