6 Year Journey - TTC

[jbn333]

Hello, I hope everybody is doing okay!

I will try to keep this as succinct as possible...

My husband and I have been TTC on and off for 6 years, straight after I came off the pill. My body went into meltdown and it’s taken a very long time for my cycles to calm down.

After around 18 months of TTC, and at times experiencing excruciating periods, I was referred to a gynaecologist who confirmed my fertility / menstrual health was fine. He advised my husband to be tested just to be sure. Unfortunately, it transpired that he had only 2% normally shaped sperm, which would make it that more difficult to conceive naturally. However, he was advised that it could still be possible so keep trying.

TTC became incredibly difficult and frustrating and we pretty much gave up. In the meantime we’d got engaged and married and had stopped actively TTC. The conversation about giving things another go came about after we got married and we’ve been trying ever since, which brings us to six years.

We are now nearing our mid 30s and are obviously very mindful that time is not as much on our side as when we started this journey in our 20s. I’d gotten so used to the idea of accepting being child free, and it took a while for me in particular to entertain the idea of seriously trying again, but we’re both now completely on the same page and are doing all we can to be healthy and happy and stress free (during Covid - I know!).

ANYWAY, that brings me to today...!

AF is due today (cd26, 13/14dpo I think) and I’ve had my usual premenstrual symptoms such as sore bbs and bloating, but this time my bbs were huge and I mean HUGE - and on fire. I felt like they were in my face! The bloating came and went after a few days, during which time I had a tightening feeling across my stomach. I’ve had cramps on and off over the last week, which I typically only get a hour or so before bleeding and maybe for 12-24 hours after. I’ve also felt unusually sicky. Yesterday, I couldn’t stomach tea or coffee which both tasted vile!!! But today they taste like normal! I’ve had three BFNs over the last few days and only have one pregnancy test left (I had a small stash), so I’m holding out as long as possible to use it. I am fully expecting it’s a no-go this time, and I’ve not been massively symptom spotting, because after 6 years you learn not to, BUT I felt different this time.

I’m sort of at a point where I feel a little bit heartbroken as I see my friends expand their families and share experiences that I’m longing to be a part of. I’m not sure how much longer I can be disappointed month after month. Still, I am a positive person and am really trying to remain so.

Has anyone else been TTC as long as me? Any advice? And has anyone else dealt with low sperm morphology and what medical advice were you given? I am aware funding for fertility treatment in my region has experienced / is experiencing cutbacks.

Thanks in advance for reading and for any advice, and wish you lots of positivity and best wishes for your TTC journeys x

Oh man I feel for you. I’m not as far in, TTC nearly three years and it’s already beyond shit so can only imagine how you must be feeling after six!

I also hate taking pregnancy tests, for me a negative is worse than a period arriving so can understand your hesitation but in your case I would take it. Maybe tomorrow with FMU to be sure but if you’re due today it should still be accurate.

If negative then definitely contact your GP to be referred to a fertility clinic. I understand there are cutbacks and even more so at the moment but at least you’ll be in the system. Also having (I assume) unprotected sex for six years you should automatically be referred.

In the meantime you could get your husband on the men’s conception vitamins if he’s not already? I’ve seen some people post on here that they’ve had success with them. And of course healthy lifestyle, no smoking, limited drinking and loose pants and warm - not hot -baths/showers so he doesn’t ‘boil his potatoes’ shall we say.

However, I have my fingers firmly crossed for you that your test is positive and there’s no need for the extra measures. Good luck!

Hi, RiverRiot

Oh, I'm sorry to hear it's been quite a journey for you, too. Isn't it just peachy?

I am more or less in agreement with you regarding getting in the mix now for fertility treatment. I'm aware how long the process can take and probably best to get it started sooner rather than later. As you say, will wait this cycle out and see what happens.

Husband hasn't tried any vitamins; I think we had that discussion a couple of years ago and for whatever reason we didn't pursue it. Will definitely look into it. Bless him, he did start wearing looser boxers over the last few years to see if that would help. Luckily he's not a bath person so he's good on that front.

I hope you're feeling okay in your circumstances x

Oh and thank you for the good luck. All the magic dust to you, too

I could have written your post!

My DH also has 2% plus a very low count but I have issues with slow tubes and low egg reserve.

We've also been trying on and off for 6 years. At times I'm totally okay with being child free and relish my sleep, freedom and life but then other times I feel overwhelmingly heartbroken when my period arrives.

We were offered IVF but turned it down, personally it's not something I can go through. So we'll keep trying naturally and if it happens, wonderful. But if not, I have thought about adoption and/or fostering. Or just having ALL the puppies!

Good luck, I know how crushing it is. It feels like your life is on hold sometimes, remember to keep living for you.

Hi, @HapHap

Oh wow, I'm sorry. It's somewhat a comfort having others share their experiences, as TTC can be very lonely

We did debate adoption or fostering but I'm not sure either of us would truly want it. I can't quite explain why. It's a tough one. We too try to enjoy the benefits of being child free - I do value my free time.

Good on you for trying naturally. We've been told that's best for so long - but if I hear 'you've got to stop stressing and relax' one more time...! I'm with you on the puppies, but kittens for us! We have a cat who we treat more or less like a child!

All the happiness to you

I have read some heartbreaking stories about not being able to conceive and yours is one of the most sad I have ever read.

What do you mean when you write your body went into meltdown and its taken a very long time for your cycles to calm down?.

Do not wait any longer, time is of the essense and you are six years on from starting to ttc. You as a couple need to be referred asap to a subfertility unit. You've both been through the absolute wringer here to date (and I would hold off using that last pg test also seeing as you've had three negative results).

You need a diagnosis first and foremost. Initially at least you are safer going under the NHS but you may well want to look at having tests done privately now. If you do embark on that particular route I would certainly ask lots of questions before parting with any of your hard earnt cash; nice surroundings are themselves not a good indicator as to how good they are and some private based treatment is poor as well as expensive. It is also fair to say that some NHS based units are also far better than others. Can you travel to such a unit in a city rather than a town?.

Re your comment:-
"After around 18 months of TTC, and at times experiencing excruciating periods, I was referred to a gynaecologist who confirmed my fertility / menstrual health was fine".

Whoever this was let you both down utterly as this was clearly not the case at all. How did this person arrive at such a conclusion at all, what tests were done at the time on yourself?.

Hi, @AttilaTheMeerkat

Thank you for your comment

I think 'meltdown' summed it up physically and emotionally for me at the time! There were months with no period, long periods, periods that lasted half a day, periods so bad that my time off work became concerning (HR had a word!).

It took the best part of three years for my body to get some sort of normality back and aside from a brief stint with the mini pill (so I didn't have pain on my wedding day!) which messed things up a bit, I've had a more or regular 25/26 day cycle ever since.

In regards to testing, I had a number of blood tests on certain days of my cycle, I got tested for PCOS, I had scans for cysts, poked and prodded and asked thousands of questions. It was a bad time. I never sought a second opinion but really wish I had in hindsight.

My husbands fertility issue was handled quite quickly, but he was in denial for a while so that didn't help as months went and he wouldn't talk about it. I really felt for him, it was so unexpected.

I admit now that we're both on the same page we do need to get some professional support. No idea how that'll work during covid. Sadly, money will be an issue for any potential treatments as we simple had to move on with our lives and we're buying a new house, so there won't be much money left over.

We would be prepared to have to go further afield for treatment. We live fairly rurally, and even more so when we move.

I am okay. My husband and I support each other and have a good, happy life, so we will be okay, children or otherwise.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I hope you are okay and safe during such times as these x

I just wanted to send you a huge hug. I don't have any answers, but you are definitely not alone in TTC for so long. My own hellish journey was 8 years to get my one and only +ve. DC is now a teenager and our world revolves around them.

There are other, much wiser, posters on MN who have been trying, or tried, for much longer than me too. We all understand what it feels like, to see the world apparently moving on while we are stuck in some sort of horrible limbo. I send you all my positive thoughts.

Hi, @Ohcomeonitsrubbish

Thank you for the hug, I accept it gladly! Right back at you. It feels me with joy to hear that after so long you were blessed with your DC. I'm very sure that they are incredibly precious and so loved.

This is the first time I've ever posted on a site like this, and I have to say it seems one of the more sensible ones!

Thank you again and wishing you all the best