Wanting baby number 2...small age gap IVF

[Hopingbby2021]

Hi ladies ☺️

I'm needing to fire away on here because I just don't know who I can ask this to.

I have been blessed with my beautiful baby boy who is 9 months old, we struggled for many years to have him and went down the IVF route which was funded on a second round. I have 2 embryos in storage and can't stop thinking about them.

Sadly I cannot conceive naturally as I have severe endometriosis which lead to me needing my tubes removed so am unable to fall naturally.

I just can't shake the feeling of wanting to have another baby. I've always wanted 2 and close together, given the covid situ I imagine my waiting times at the clinic would be a little longer than normal which is fine. I just don't know whether I'm so eager because I know they're sat there waiting or if it's just mother instinct to want to go again.

Does anyone have any experience of small age gaps? I know it's going to be hard but think I'm just looking for a message of support....call me crazy but we live in a crazy world at the moment anyway 😄

Thanks x

Friend of mine had a second embryo put back in when her DD was 9 months. Worked a charm and she had two under 18 months!

I don't have experience of this, as i'm still trying for my first, but if i was in your position, i'd be thinking about the practical and financial side of things, as in can you afford to stay at home with 2 babies or do you need to work?

Also, i don't know about funded IVF, but does that mean your second embryo transfer would be NHS funded too, or do you have to pay private? If via NHS, then it's going to a long wait i think, so might be best to get the ball rolling in terms of getting you back on the waiting list, so in theory, your baby will be a lot older than 9 months when your turn comes around.

@IslandStars thanks for replying, wishing you so much luck on your journey! Apologies I meant to put self funded, the first round on NHS didn't work and we paid into a programme the second time so would need to pay again. Thinking logically, financial wouldn't be as much of an issue for us although it is something to seriously consider. I think my mind is just whirling at the idea of always wanting to have 2 but then wondering if I'm just getting carried away with myself. I think by the time it comes around we will be waiting a fair few months anyway and my mindset may be a little more settled with less wondering 🙈 x

Really depends how old you are and how set on having a sibling you are?

If you are early/mid 30s then time to make a decision - if you are in your 40s less so?
You don't know if the transfers will work obviously- if they don't would you be ready to draw a line under it or would you want to do another egg collection? If it's the latter better to do it sooner rather than later

Would you transfer the two together? Would you want twins?

@Hopingbby2021 Thank you, really hope i can be successful too!

As you're self funding, the wait will not be so long, private clinics are running as normal, but @ivfbeenbusy has raised valid points, it's good news you're quite financially stable, so really comes down to age and how much time you have to factor in potential failed transfers.

Also, it's hard to put into words, but i do feel quite attached to the frozen embryos i have stored (i'm embryo banking so have one more round before i transfer) so i can understand you feeling drawn to what you have waiting for you on ice.

@ivfbeenbusy I'm 30 so am keen to try, I've always dreamt of two and like you say it's whether it would work or not. I've got in my head if it doesn't I would draw the line under it as I wouldn't want to put myself through any more prodding and poking. I sound a bit selfish as I am absolutely thrilled to of been lucky enough to have my little boy via ivf as the odds really were against us. Then the guilt sets in of feeling like I'm being greedy but I think because I can't ever be one of these people who it just happens to like a nice surprise it makes me ache for it to be able to happen again. Thinking out loud now 🙈 we would only transfer the one, we have paid for 2 years storage which is up in 2022. Just turning to the board as I can't bring myself to speak with family/friends about it as they give me the "you gonna try again soon?" And whilst it's sweet they don't quite get how hard the process of wanting and willing is x

@IslandStars this!!! This is exactly how I'm feeling! It's like a draw to the idea and the thought of the embryos. They're good grades BA and the first round we did we had none to spare so for us to be lucky enough to get two on the next go was amazing. I don't want to get my hopes up in thinking it will happen again but I think it's the urge and the idea of it such as should I wait? Is time on my side? What if what if what if. Then part of me thinks go for it it's what you want then the other part of me thinks what if it does work am I crazy for going so soon? I hope all that makes sense as I feel it may come across a little selfish when I know there are ladies out there desperate for just one x

I'm 34 weeks with twins which is the end of our long journey to give DD a sibling - we were starting from scratch though with no frozen embryos and it's taken us longer, a lot more cycles and a lot more money than we initially agreed on to get here 🤣

I have 2 more frozen this time. I absolutely feel attached to them. They are "mine" - we fought so hard to make them that I'd still want to at least give them a chance as it took us 5 rounds to make them (plus the 2 we transferred). Although not quite the same but I think I would feel a similar kind of loss if I had to destroy them as I did when I've had miscarriages in the past

I can't see DH agreeing though since we are having twins this time and I feel really sad about that. I'm 37 so still have time on my hands to feel young enough to transfer them and feels like a waste. I wouldn't never have regretted spending £35k on IVF id or hadn't of worked but I would regret spending all that money on embryos that would then be destroyed? (Donating them isn't something we'd consider)

The only way I'd be able to legally transfer them without DH consent is if he was declared mentally incompetent or passed away........🤔

It's so hard isn't it...even after your successful IVFs, it just goes to show that the stress of IVF just keeps on giving! Must be so tough to let go of embryos after all that's been invested in them emotionally and financially.

@Hopingbby2021 Your embryos were frozen at a really good age and you're still young now, so you do have time to consider things, but i can understand how the embryos are on your mind.

@ivfbeenbusy Not long to go now! Hope these last few weeks run smoothly.

@ivfbeenbusy this is amazing! Congratulations to you and your partner! Not long to go now & I hope the rest of your pregnancy is well.
Thank you so much, I can relate on so many levels and having that thought of them being destroyed is something which makes me feel so sad. I think that's why I'm finding I'm questioning things now and wondering whether to just go for it or if I'm being crazy having two so close together. However I can't really question that when there are twins on the way! Kinda the same isn't it 🙈 but different! Enjoy every moment it really does go so fast x