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Infertility

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PCOS sadness

3 replies

Newyearssadness · 04/01/2021 16:59

So I’ve NC for this one. I’m not going to go into too much detail but anyways, me and my husband have been trying to conceive for nearly 2 years now, after the 1 year mark we went to get some investigations done and found out I have PCOS and because of the pandemic and other things we havent really got further than that but I don’t ovulate by myself and so the GP says they are going to refer to fertility clinic which could take a while. I’m really struggling with it and have had such a hard time (I know there’s women in a lot worse positions than me) but mentally it’s been tough. I’d told my parents about all this and how hard I was finding it, onto the point in the post. At 2 mins to midnight on New Years my dad (who I don’t have the greatest relationship with) rings me to tell me that I’m going to be an auntie, and proceeds to go onto tell me how my sister got pregnant first try (literally first month, she’s been with her boyfriend 6 months and baby was planned) and how he can’t wait to be a grandad, and continues proper rubbing it in saying he’s very proud of her, going to make a room in their house for baby, yada yada, I spend the whole phone call trying not to cry, I then have a full on meltdown after coming off the phone. I know it’s selfish but I don’t want to be an aunt I want to be a mum. I literally can’t even speak to my sister or family because I don’t want to hear anything about the baby and have taken a wide berth since (I normally speak every day) how do I get over this? Like over the hurt? I don’t know I just can’t even cope and every time I think about it I want to cry. I feel broken and just shit, I feel guilty for feeling bitter. Anyone been in the same situation and have found a way to ‘get over it’?

OP posts:
OhPeanuts · 05/01/2021 16:09

Hi I’m very sorry I don’t have any advice on how you can get over it but didn’t want to leave your post unanswered as I really felt for you. All I can say is you are not alone and do what you need to when it comes to looking after your mental health. If you need to avoid certain people for a while that is ok and then when you’re ready maybe you can have a chat with your dad and let him know how you feel. I find a lot of times people who haven’t been through it really are oblivious to how it feels so maybe taking about it with your family will help? I hope you feel a bit better soon

ICSI · 05/01/2021 16:42

Your story sounds just like mine! TTC for two years, went to the doctors after one year and found I have PCOS and DH has low sperm count.

My sister announced her pregnancy, baby number 4 a few months ago by sending me a photo set up thing and I just burst into tears.

I think your dad has been really insensitive and I agree with @OhPeanuts sometimes people just don’t realise how much it hurts if they haven’t experienced it. I wasn’t as together as you and cried when I spoke to my parents, after trying to hold it together and failing and I think it helped them in some way to recognise how much it has affected me. I tend to try and out a face on and act chirpy in front of other people or try and talk in a matter of fact way, but sometimes I think this makes people forget how much emotion is involved in infertility.

How far along are you in your referral to the fertility clinic?

Ronnii · 11/01/2021 18:48

Hi, I feel for you on this and thought I would post.

The logic that helps me through pregnancy announcements is that they dnt affect my fertility. I do all I can to TTC and try to see the good in others news. And after a while I can actually be happy for ppl now.

That said, some ppl can be insensitive and you dnt have to be happy for anyone. I have absolutely cried when ppl have announced they're pregnant, usually cos it happens and I'm not ready and I've been working on seeming 'ok' and it hurts. Your dad was harsh and he is the one that's wrong so try not to let him affect things with you sister?

My sisters had kids before I hit the hard TTC times and while I've tried not to let it get to me, it's hard when they drone on about being a parent (negatively), I stop them dead in their tracks. I am close to them, I try to be honest with them and they try to get it.

I had some existing issues with my brother and my parents kept telling me I had to be nice cos he was TTC, even though I was too?? And how hard is it for a man really... anyway they got pregnant and I've not spoken to them since. They're kid is two now and I have no regrets.

My sister is planning another kid, she has been trying to hold off because of me, which is sweet but either way I will be happy for her. I'm not a hands on aunt like I used to be though. I've back off for my own health and they understand.

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