Meltdown and now feeling stupid

[Roo45]

Has this happened to anyone else? Recently failed my first ivf icsi cycle and I was doing really well the past few days of being positive, not comparing myself to others and trying to distract myself and avoid social media. But over the past 24 hours I've had 3 pregnancy announcements and after the last one I just broke down and I've been so angry and upset the whole day, even getting angry towards DH :(
I feel stupid for feeling this way but it's been hours and I haven't been able to stop crying and feeling so hopeless.
Has this happened to anyone else?
I just feel so stupid and like I've taken a massive step back from the progress I made over the past few weeks and back to square one :(

Sorry to hear about your failed cycle. Not sure how open you're being about everything you're going through but I know for me I hold in so much that it's inevitable that the dam is going to burst occasionally.
As an example I was looking at Facebook memories yesterday where I rounded up my year and someone had commented that maybe the next year would bring a bundle of joy. That was the end of 2015 and even then I was deflecting. Had a good wee cry after seeing that.
My point being that 3 announcements yesterday would probably have completely and utterly devastated me. I don't think you should feel stupid at all. Not sure what your cycle entailed but I assume you've had a lot of interference with your natural hormones recently and that's bound to throw you off too.

Hi @Roo45 please don’t be hard on yourself, you are allowed to feel however you feel in any moment. This is all so hard to go through and the past year has just been so isolating and difficult. You are not being stupid at all and you’re not alone. I had a breakdown a couple of days ago because my FET was cancelled due to covid and I took it as a sign that it’s never meant to be. I cried for days for 3 pregnancy announcements. I cried on Xmas thinking about how they are all going to have a baby next Xmas and I’m likely to be empty armed for the fifth Xmas in a row. I feel how I feel during those moments and try to allow myself to feel it knowing the next day or week I’ll be able to pick myself up again and fight on. We’ve all become so strong throughout this and we will pull through.

Is there anything you can do tomorrow that will help, sometimes I find getting outside for a walk helps me. I hope you feel better soon x

I think it's natural to feel that way. I'm mid breakdown over Mrs Hinch's announcement. Third one I have seen today

@Roo45 I think what you’re experiencing is a completely normal reaction, it’s a form of grief. I was unsuccessful in November in my fresh cycle and developed an allergy to progesterone meaning how I react in future cycles is unpredictable, it would have been so much easier if it had worked. I found myself ok for the first few days and then just went through waves of emotions. Nothing mattered to me when I felt at the lowest, but it passed and I’m looking forward to future treatment now, even though I’m apprehensive.

Pregnancy announcements are so hard, I know some are unavoidable, but I feel avoiding social media helped me, it is just the selected parts of other people’s lives that they want to broadcast. I feel that women lie to each other by only broadcasting the pregnancy and birth announcements, as if it’s always easy to get pregnant, very few people are that lucky.

Luck after yourself, it’s ok to be sad. I found going through the motions helped, I got some craft projects and put up Xmas decorations etc and after a few days found myself perking up.

@willithappen

I think it's natural to feel that way. I'm mid breakdown over Mrs Hinch's announcement. Third one I have seen today

Same

I don’t think you’re stupid for feeling this way at all. I feel your pain and heartache. We have been trying since March and no luck so far. Not a week goes by it seems without seeing a baby/pregnancy announcement and it’s crushing. I am 40 and have 2 children already but my husband doesn’t have any children so we decided to go for it. All tests have come back fine, and actual fertility is perfectly ok. But it’s just not happening for some reason.
Feel how you feel and don’t worry about it seeming silly, your feelings aren’t silly xx

@Roo45 definitely not stupid 💐 I'm waiting to find out when I will start IVF. DH's sister in law is pregnant and the news hit me like a ton of bricks. Be kind to yourself 💐

Hey, really sorry to here about that and you should absolutely not feel stupid. This covid situation is creating so many more announcements and its great for them but I get how you are feeling each one feels like I've been shot a little bit. I feel such guilt for feeling a flash of rage everytime i see one but I held it in and said nothing. but nothing prepared me for the heartbreak when the girl who is one of my best friend and work mate (who we started the journey together and even talked about job shares in my naivity) well she had her beautiful baby a few weeks ago and even though she is my best friend I hated her happiness. I took a day off work and cried into my pillow like a gibbering wreck. This is obviously something you want really bad and I think its better to have that little cry than hold it in and swallow it back because its only going to come out worse if you don't deal with the feels. Sending you prayers of good luck. X

Thank you so much for your kind words and support everyone. My partner makes me feel like I am overreacting so hearing your thoughts had been so helpful thank you. I'm so sorry that we all have to go through this :(
The day ended with some choice comments from my in laws (DH can't bring himself to tell them we have MFI so they think I'm the reason they don't have grandchildren) which stung a bit, but I'm allowing myself some time to pick myself up.
Take care all and thanks again xxx

Gosh @Roo45 I think you need to have a proper chat with your partner. That’s not fair at all for you to be getting blame from your in laws while also having to ensure everything that a woman faces with IVF. I suspect he doesn’t have a proper understanding of the physical and emotional consequences of IVF. Although some men just aren’t great with emotions and have a hard time getting their head around all this stuff. Please keep posting on the boards for support, I’ve found these boards and a friend going through the process are my main source of support.

Don't worry that's totally normal. I heard 2 IVF pregnancy announcements recently and even that made me sad, even though omg we know what they're going through don't we! I feel ridiculous. @Roo45 having similar issue with mfi & inlaws and Christmas was a struggle.

@Gardenlady543 thank you you are right. I got even more angry with DH after that, it's hard enough without their attitude and they are the only people I've really been in regular contact with during lockdown. I've had some words and he's promised to talk to them.
@AnonymousXXIX I understand completely, I am sorry you are going through that also! It's awful isn't it? Have you spoke to DP about it?xx