3rd Failed Transfer... How to cope?

[lucyinthe]

Just had a BFN this morning, 3rd transfer, this was the last embryo from our first egg collection from December last year. Really hit us both hard this time. Just looking for some words of wisdom from anyone that might be in a similar situation?

The plan is now to start a fresh cycle through access fertility refund programme, lucky to fit the criteria to be able to use it, although we'd already discussed this would be the plan I didn't think we'd have to use it. Just feel so disheartened, feel like if it hasn't worked by now will it ever work?

So emotional it's obviously raw but don't know how I'm going to keep going. 4 of my best friends are pregnant, 2 of my boyfriends best friends are expecting too. Then countless more friends already have children. I've deactivated my social media as a first step to try and sort my head out.

My boyfriend has taken it really hard, he was really struggling anyway but he's gone back to bed and said he doesn't want to see or speak to anyone for a few days. I think the time of year is making it harder, but just struggling to see light at the end of the tunnel after 4 years of TTC and a year of IVF.

Any advice from anyone that's managed to pick themselves back up would be much appreciated x

Gosh, I’m sorry to hear this, this time of year is just so hard and especially so for you with all the friends you’ve got who have had children recently. I’ve just had a fresh cycle, the transfer was unsuccessful, I found it very hard. I just went through the motions after , put the Xmas tree up and kept functioning, that seemed to help. I’m with access fertility, the two cycle non-refund package, our first FET is due in the new year, it will be difficult as I had issues with progesterone in the first cycle.

Deactivating social media is a good idea, I have stopped going on and just scroll through TikTok instead now (I don’t have friends on there), so just watch funny videos about cats etc.

Quite often fertility clinics offer counselling, which you might want to ask about? It could be quite a slog to go through another fresh cycle while you feel like this, but I expect things are very raw now and over the next few days and weeks things will hopefully ease a bit for you.

It took us 5 full rounds of IVF and I don't think there is anything I can say which will take the disappointment away at this point - I know how crushing it can be to get a BFN cycle after cycle. For me I hated counselling as I didn't feel she could ever understand what multiple failed cycles felt like. For me the only way through it was to have plans in place - plan for the next cycle, reading up on new treatment or supplements, feeling like I was being pro active etc was what helped x

Thanks ladies. So tough isn't it. I've been online and ordered some new supplements, and planning on starting running again in the next few days and get back to healthy eating. I know it's so raw now, hopefully in a few days I will feel better.

Hey 👋

We’ve had two failed transfers too.
You and your boyfriend might deal with it really, really differently.

Talking is good.
Silence is ok too.

I used to feel worse in the evenings. Sometimes my husband and I don’t say anything but we are just there or give each other lots of space.

Look after yourselves and do one little thing each day that you enjoy. Something simple like a bubble bath, big cuppa, 1:1 walk with someone else if Covid rules allow xx

I'm so very sorry 💐

I have just had my 3rd transfer BFN today too. I knew a few days ago it had failed as I had my monthly hormonal headache. Same pattern as my first transfer. I tested then and another today. I feel like I knew from the start it just wasn't going to work. I have 2 frozen left but after that we don't have the money to continue and I just cannot take any more.

I am now feeling like it is never going to work. They are all reasonable quality embryos. And like you I feel like it should have worked by now if its going to.

I am very sorry you have to go through this too. Feel free to pm, sometimes it helps to just get it out, especially if like me you have not told many people. I am going to take January off I think. I have had back to back transfers, failed cycles, freeze cycles for a long time now. I don't want to as I just want to push on. But my partner has suggested it and really hoping I can find some suggestion I have not tried yet to help my chances.

It is hard. Took me 10yrs ttc and 5 private ivf so many thousands to get my one and only bfp

I was almost 44 then. She is now almost 4

Each failure is awful. Counselling didn’t work for us after first failed so stopped

Have clinic given any feedback

Often an era is reconmended after 3 failed

How old are you

Guy here, contributing as these forums helped me when I was worried and was Googling different things.

We tried 3 inseminations and 3 IVF over 5 years. When the 3rd one failed my wife was hit pretty hard. She was programming the next one when I put my foot down. It was around late Spring. Life was getting less fun and the sex life... wasn't the same any more. The libido doesn't have a calendar. I said STOP. We are not even going to think about doing it again until next year. Until then I want you to party like a rock star and enjoy your life again.

She went out and got wasted on rose wine with her friend every night. Finally saw her laughing and smiling all the time again. Sex finally got back to normal. Got to late summer and she brings out a pregnancy test... postive. Yes she is sure, it's no.3 and they all say the same thing. We now have a 2.5yr old boy who is amazing.

I spoke to 2 other guys who told me the same thing, and they took longer than me (one 10 years). Nothing seemed to work but as soon as they stopped trying it happened.

My personal advice is if you feel under pressure, take a break. Relax, have fun, and lots of normal sex. It could be stress. If it's not, and that doesn't cure the infertility, it will at least cure the soul.

Courage and all my best wishes,

Phillip.