Should we go private

[theotherfossilsister]

We've been trying now for two years. DP kept putting off his SA, and then everything locked down, so our referral wasn't made until September when it could be done, even though I had progesterone test in early March.

We got a letter the other day saying we've finally been added to the waiting list to see someone, and it will take twelve weeks. We have heard that the time between consultation and IVF is ten months, so we're looking at over a year.

A private test told me my egg reserve is OK but I am going to be 36 in May.

I have a polyp which needs removing and might be causing problems and DP has pretty rubbish SA, although he had two analysis and the second was a bit better (He is taking zinc, vitamin D and drinking v8 to bring it up.)

Should we take the next year to just make our mental health as strong as possible, try to grow as a couple and create buffers in case of failure, get polyp removed, get DP's sperm count up if possible, and just get back on track (we lost one of our best friends in summer to suicide and it messed us both up and I think I didn't ovulate for three months after it happened - not that that is important in the context of his families pain.)

The alternative is to throw money at it, go private and not have any savings. I guess the benefit in this is my age, and also DP's Dad has cancer and it might or might not mean he's here year after next, and I know DP wants to see him hold his grandchild.

Am veering towards plan one, but not sure this is the right plan.

There is also no private IVF clinic in our city, and the one in the next city gave me a UTI when investigating and also spelt our names wrong in the letter (not a big deal, but it's like if they make a mistake like that then what's their standard of attention to detail like?)

We have a friend who works at the local hospital who says that if she needed IVF she would definitely go there as it feels like a safe and caring environment.

Personally I would, if affordable, go private and go ahead sooner rather than later but you can only do what you feel is right for you. However, the wait for NHS could be extended if Covid figures continue to raise and success rates drop with age. You don’t have to go to the one in the next city, you can go anywhere. Some people choose clinics in Prague because they have good success rates and work out more cost effective.

www.hfea.gov.uk/choose-a-clinic/

The letter getting your name wrong is frustrating and the admin team making a clerical error is unfortunate but, thankfully, they won’t be doing your embryo transfer
Good luck

www.nhs.uk/conditions/ivf/
“Chances of success

The success rate of IVF depends on the age of the woman undergoing treatment, as well as the cause of the infertility (if it's known).

Younger women are more likely to have a successful pregnancy. IVF isn't usually recommended for women over the age of 42 because the chances of a successful pregnancy are thought to be too low.

Between 2014 and 2016 the percentage of IVF treatments that resulted in a live birth was:

29% for women under 35
23% for women aged 35 to 37
15% for women aged 38 to 39
9% for women aged 40 to 42
3% for women aged 43 to 44
2% for women aged over 44
These figures are for women using their own eggs and their partner’s sperm, using the per embryo transferred measure.”

How many cycles are you eligible for on the NHS? Have you checked the criteria very carefully to see if you’re definitely eligible? And when is the next review date of the policy? These factors would probably help me make a decision.

We waited and had one NHS cycle which turned out to be the right decision but it was a gamble and I hadn’t realised there were eligibility criteria on top of age.

If it's the city I'm thinking of where you went for the private appointment, there's actually 2 private/self-funding options available - might be worth checking the other place out to see if you'd like them?

Have you got your AMH and AFC's checked? I personally would wait unless those are terrible. You have time. In the meantime you can focus on health and well-being and get yourself in the best possible place for IVF. I've been on a bit of journey in last year and I'm glad I am starting IVF now rather than a year ago, and I am 38 x

thank you all, lots to think about @Scirocco please can you PM me the other place? I only know GCRM and didn't like them.

I was told I have enough eggs, just a big horrible polyp and DP has bad sperm. He's going to start running though.

I am leaning toward waiting for the NHS as I know we will be eligible but I am also aware of the age thing.

@farfromperfect82 I like the idea of looking after our mental health together for a year, getting DP's BMI down etc.

The fact I didn't ovulate after our friend died made me think that maybe emotional distress really affects fertility?

@theotherfossilsister
Are you in Scotland? Only ask as you say GCRM.
I'm with Aberdeen, it has been a very long wait up until now but they seem to be able to move through their list faster now, saying if referred now then looking at starting treatment in April possibly. AFC also do private options

@willithappen Yes, in Edinburgh but EFREC has a huge wait.

I'd love it to be faster. Are AFC still doing private options? Edinburgh has stopped doing self funded treatment x

Personally I wouldn’t wait. We took a year between our 1st and 2nd cycles to sort out DH sperm issues and in that time my fertility fell off a cliff. I went from AMH of 23 and AFC of 12 to AMH of 9 and AFC of 6. I’m only 34. They said it was just bad luck my fertility fell off that cliff that usually happens at 40 early.

You could aim to go private and give yourself 3 months prep time to sort out diet. Running is actually not recommended.

You could look into a clinic abroad like Gennet who are supposed to be good with sperm issues. Has your DH had a DNA frag test and urology referral to rule out any fixable issues?

@theotherfossilsister from what I have been reading on their site during this time AFC are doing self funded yes :) they also appear to be getting through the lists quite fast too.

Have a check of their website and certainly worth getting in touch if it's something you are looking into :)

A few of us are currently going through it with them - if you check the latest thread in this forum for Scotland clinics you'll spot some of us in there :)

You can have ICSI for sperm issues, but anything he can do. My DH is on Proceive Max Men plus omega and ubiquinol.

I think whatever fertility clinic you go through will insist on polyp being removed. I had one removed this time last year and it was super quick and didn't hurt.

Getting BMI down is a big one, especially if NHS, but generally you want to be in the best health you can be. Takes time. I've been on auto-immune paleo diet and lost about 2 stone in 3 months exercising 3 times a week.

Maybe have a nice Xmas and reevaluate? Perhaps get your AMH checked again in 3 months and make a call from there? You might find you fall pregnant naturally.

I wish I had thought about this question and had gone private years ago. We spent 2018 doing some tests (only bloods for me & sperm test for DH) when i was 34... that was after i had a couple of failures and my GP kept telling me i was young and to keep trying...

GP sent a referral to a london clinic & they put me straight on IVF as they said nothing else would help me. My first IVF with NHS was a learning curve for me but all the delays on their side in communication and mistakes in booking appointments etc. gave me so much stress. It failed

What pushed us to go private, was we had run out of budget.

my 2nd ivf privately resulted in a MC but the experience was much better and totally stress free

I am 36 now and still struggling. I wish i had gone private when i was 32-33