Am I being unreasonable?

[Rollypops]

Hello everyone,

Hope you're all well.

Without rambling on, myself and my husband have unexplained fertility. We have been ttc for nearly 3 years, we had a full failed IVF cycle in June and another full failed cycle in September. We have told our parents and close friends, that's it. We are both still healing and finding it really hard, especially with 2 failed cycle so close together and the reality being this may never happen for us.
My husband's father has taken it upon himself to tell his sister and his mum what we're going through (husbands auntie and nana) Tonight we had hubs auntie on the phone asking if anything was going on in our house, then proceeded to say were we having IVF, then asking was there something wrong with me or husband and was I sure that there was no baby coming instead. I managed not to be rude to her on the phone, but now I am left feeling so annoyed and upset. At the moment, I'm not thinking straight, and not really sure how to deal with this, if at all, or whether I just need to get over it.

Any advice would be great, thanks so much for reading

X

I think people who have not been through it don’t understand that unexplained is a diagnosis a lot of people get. I would ignore her but if she asks again then I’d have a plan with your partner on what you are allowed to say back which is blunt and factual but not rude.

You need boundaries and to be very clear what you won't discuss. Struggles with infertility are bad enough as it is - firmly shut down any conversation around the subject and change the subject. Find people who can listen and support you, or go for counselling if you don't have many good listeners around you. Your DH needs to talk to his Dad and tell him to not share any more info about your personal lives. He doesn't have to be unpleasant, just firm.
I follow a lot of Instagram accounts around infertility and they often a share empowering messages around stuff like this - put yourself (and your DH) first. You do not owe anyone an explanation or insight into your journey to a family.

Hi,
Not unreasonable at all. It's such a tough process so how you want to deal with it is completely your choice. One of my friends going through fertility treatment kept it only between very close friends and some family because that's what worked for her. My husband and I have done the opposite and been really open about everything from the start with work, friends and family, to save those difficult conversations. Now they know what not to say! And that we'll talk to them when we are okay to, but no one is pushy. So maybe just a frank conversation with those who know to let them know how YOU want to communicate on the topic, if at all. I've actually found having everyone know is really helpful so if I have a really bad day / week, they know to pick me up. I hope that helps?

Thanks for taking the time to reply guys, appreciate your comments.

Husband has spoke to his dad and asked him to keep it to himself for a 2nd time 🙄 we want to tell people about our journey, just find it so difficult to discuss at times, as our moods are a bit up and down at the mo, so don't know how we'll react.

Xx

Why not respond with personal questions about the health of people who ask about yours?

"So auntie, you're getting on a bit - how's the vaginal dryness? Need to be careful about prolapses at your age..."

"How's that prostate going? Any problems urinating? Any faecal incontinence?"

Etc.

Petty, but people learn quickly. (This isn't serious advice btw but my mum suggested it when people were asking me and it made me smile).

Haha this made me chuckle 😂 I've thought about it tbh!
Although I think it's good to have a way to shut people down without being rude, so they won't do it again! Xx

Any phrases would be welcome 😂👍🏼 xx