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Infertility

Our Infertility Support forum is a space to connect with others in the same position, discuss causes, treatment and IVF, and share infertility stories of hope and success.

IVF December and terrified

7 replies

Teafixeseverything · 30/11/2020 12:11

I'm 38 and a mum to 3 teenagers from my previous marriage. Having been with my current partner for 4 years we decided we'd like a child of our own. 2 years of trying passes and still no pregnancy. We had our fertility investigations/tests mid October to be told that I have lower than average egg reserves and my partner has abnormal sperm morphology. We were advised ICSI. After the nurse consult today, we've been booked in to start treatment on 27th of December. I could feel myself on the verge of tears during the consult, and this panic setting in as I wrote down all the details of meds etc I'm now just sitting here completely overwhelmed. I suffer with anxiety at the best of times and I'm worried how I'll react when my body is full of hormones... or when I'm undergoing egg collection...or injecting myself etc etc This list goes on. I have nobody to talk to because I haven't told family or friends what we're going through and I know I've only got myself to blame for that, but I feel lost and the time is wooshing by so quickly.

OP posts:
Dot457 · 02/12/2020 09:42

Hello @Teafixeseverything. So sorry to hear your situation. I'm not clued up in ICSI so I'm not sure how this differs to IVF or if it does differ to IVF so I might not be the best at giving advice.

But what I will say is that I've had two rounds of IVF and all being well will be doing a 3rd early next year. I'm 27 and also suffer a lot with my anxiety and just general worrying and overthinking. I remember feeling exactly this way when I was doing my first round of IVF. It's so normal to have these worries!! You're about to do something so huge and life changing whatever the outcome. I also think it depends on your home life situation and who you surround yourself with. I was in a bad stressful job the first time which affected my mental health which then affected my home life. I didn't see it at the time but I was awful, however the injections didn't seem to make me different at all! I was so glad that I didn't feel "different" or more hormonal because I knew my own brain could not handle that.

We had a second round with a different clinic, at this point my personal situation was miles better and I was happier within. But this time the hormones made so unwell that I had to take time off work. I didn't expect this because I could only compare it to my first time. Basically what I'm trying to say is it's very hard to say how you will be, but just make sure "you do you". I know that saying can be very cliché but it's the best advise I've ever heard and done.

So whatever it is that makes you feel good and happy, then do that! Mine is being cosy infront of the TV or going to B&M with my mum and sister haha! I'm a saddo but I really think doing what I wanted to do and not what I felt I should be doing really helped. Easier said than done I know, but try not to think "Oh should I be doing that" and questioning everything you do. I did that the first time and was just miserable because I was too much inside my own head.

Egg collection you get put to sleep, it's heavy sedation so extremely hard to stay awake anyway so you dont feel it. However the clinic always normally ask if you suffer with anxiety because they will make sure you are asleep, so make sure you tell them how you are feeling and they should support you and make you feel relaxed. The injections are nerve racking but after a couple you will honestly be ok. I can't even watch my blood being taken so I can relate to that.

Honestly if you need anyone to talk to, send me a private message! I really do feel for people who are just starting out in this journey and only wished I had someone to turn to who understood. I only found this forum after our first round, it would have been a god send if I knew about it before hand xx

MF1981 · 02/12/2020 13:42

Hey. We’ve just had icsi and I suffer with anxiety too. The way my partner helped me get my head around all the injections and processes was by saying just concentrate on the next thing. So once the first injection was done, just concentrate on the injection the next day and the next day and so on. I found that much easier to break it all down into little chunks. We bought a wall planner and literally ticked each thing off when we’d completed it.

Teafixeseverything · 03/12/2020 20:39

Hi @Dot457 thank you so much for your reply, I really appreciate it and I am sorry to hear what you've been through. I think I can deal with the pain, sickness, fatigue etc I'm just so afraid that the hormones will tip me over the edge and everyone else in the house will be miserable because of me being angry or upset all the time. Mentally I've been in a really good place recently, but I think if a silly video appointment can bring me to the verge of tears, what am I going to be like with the "real" stuff? I know there's no answer as you say there's no way of knowing how I'll be affected...just overthinking everything is my specialist skill ;) It's comforting to have someone who's been through it giving me reassurance. I really do hope that your 3rd round goes well for you! You are by no means a saddo :D B&M is awesome x

OP posts:
Teafixeseverything · 03/12/2020 20:45

@MF1981

Hey. We’ve just had icsi and I suffer with anxiety too. The way my partner helped me get my head around all the injections and processes was by saying just concentrate on the next thing. So once the first injection was done, just concentrate on the injection the next day and the next day and so on. I found that much easier to break it all down into little chunks. We bought a wall planner and literally ticked each thing off when we’d completed it.
@MF1981 Thank you for your message. A wall planner is a great idea! For some reason I find lists quite comforting haha My meds are being delivered tomorrow so I'll have the whole unboxing horror to contend with :S I hope you're doing OK?
OP posts:
MF1981 · 03/12/2020 20:59

@Teafixeseverything you’ll be fine. Join one of the threads if it’ll help - I’m on the Dec/Jan thread as I’m getting ready for an FET.

LennyFitz · 04/12/2020 21:23

I reckon looking over the list of meds prescribed is a common 'wobble' moment for a lot of people doing this. It's fairly horrifying! Particularly if you're doing long protocol, which I did my first round (second was short protocal, which was a bit easier to be honest). I rarely even take painkillers so the idea of shooting all these hormones into my body was alien to me. Once you get started on the cycle though, it becomes routine pretty quickly. And as MF1981 said you just take it day by day. You get through it and you give yourself little treats occasionally to make it a bit easier :)

Sunshinelove8 · 05/12/2020 11:55

Hi there , well I came out of four miscarriages ( three at lost between 8-9 weeks) and then one month later straight into ivf at a clinic makes the boot camp of ivf - so can imagine . I suffer anxiety and depression and regularly don’t sleep and also have a stressful job . I think if I made it through you’ll be fine !
I took two weeks off work and that really helped . I found the first week of ivf fine and my husband did the injections as I’m scared of needles . Don’t know if it helps if yours did that ? I found injections absolutely fine and was on the highest dose of stimulation and had no real side effects ( just got a bit hot at night) I filled my days with things I like - walks , magazines , watching films and resting .
I let the clinic do what they wanted - I never actually asked any questions because I find my anxiety is worse when I have information to worry about like follicle numbers and sizes etc I figured I couldn’t change anything so why fret . I found the ignorance really helped !
I took melatonin in the run up to ivf which helps with sleep any way and has a nice side effect of potentially creating healthier eggs too .
The second week was a bit more intense as I got close to egg collection but my hubby took the week off so it was lots of us hanging around together near the clinic in our car watching films and chatting so I actually enjoyed it .
I lost an entire nights sleep due to fireworks night when a neighbour let off fireworks til 4am ( yes really ) but somehow despite that and my daughter being ill and up a lot of nights crying for me and with a poor prognosis I got 7 eggs collected ( I’m a low responder ) 6 fertilised , 2 embryos and 1 pgs normal . I don’t know if I’ll get a baby at the end but just wanted to show it isn’t as scary as I though , someone with huge anxiety and worries . I think I’ll be doing it again in January and I’m ok with it and not stressed about it . A lot of stress is the unknown x

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