How to stop being sad

[Laura659]

Just a bit of background I’m a step mum of three lovely children and married my DH 2 years ago - decided we wanted to start trying for our own child a year ago and got my implant out. Well long story short I’d only had 2 periods in this last year and I knew something was wrong, went through loads of blood tests and had a pelvic scan which confirmed I have PCOS and they have said that I will really struggle to have children without help.Well this has just thrown me- I’ve not been able to stop crying and I can’t help feeling shit and broken and all’s they have said is to lose weight and due to pandemic aren’t doing much else. I honestly feel so low and inferior, I can’t help comparing myself to my DHs ex’s either, like they were able to give him something I can’t. He doesn’t understand why I’m so upset but I told him he doesn’t know what it feels like- I don’t think it’s affected him at all whereas it’s turned my world upside down.

How do people cope? I was thinking maybe seeing a therapist might help? But I don’t know

Someone suggested going private as I will be waiting ages for the NHS to do anything, anyone got any experience with that?

Be kind cause I’m sad

Try not to despair, many women still get pregnant eventually with PCOS (once treated by medication/lifestyle changes) - it's a fairly common diagnosis unfortunately.

I'm asssuming you've been given Metformin? It can take time to work and get the right dose but it should help to regulate your period. Especially if you are able to combine it with weight loss (if you are overweight) and a reduced carb/ lower sugar PCOS friendly diet.

I'm not sure if you know, but another alternative that often helps with PCOS symptoms and regulating periods (and which can also be taken alongside Metformin) is taking 4000mg Myo-Inositol together with 400mcg Folic Acid daily.

If your periods become more regular and if the blood test results say you are likely ovulating (but you are still not getting pregnant); you might be able to ask if your GP could prescribe Clomid for a few months to give you a greater chance of conceiving.

When you talk about waiting ages for the NHS to do anything do you mean referral for IVF? Do you fit your CCG's eligibility criteria? (they are all different in terms of whether you are eligible if one partner has a child already, the time you need to have been trying for, age limit etc.) If you are eligible, sometimes doing an IVF round privately while you are waiting then disqualifies you, so you need to check first.

Or are you talking about getting private counselling vs waiting on the NHS? That could be a good idea if you can afford it, I know the waiting lists for mental health help are usually quite long (although again the wait time varies across the country - you could ask your GP how long you'd be expected to wait in your area?)

Hey Laura659 - my clinic told me that women with PCSO tend to have really good ovarian reserve, probably because we don't ovulate that much. So you might be a strong candidate for IVF (if that is of any comfort to you). Clomid/metformin can work wonders for some women too.

I've been through some really dark times with infertility, probably have more in my future too. I'd suggest blocking and avoiding people who are always banging on about babies and families. Be really kind and gentle with yourself, treat yourself to nice things because you are absolutely worth it. You are NOT inferior and your life isn't defined by your ability or not to birth a child. I know if doesn't feel like that sometimes. Know that you will get through this time. We all will.

Counselling might help, taking a trip away from home (if/when that's possible) has been really helpful for me. Anything that gives you some perspective and takes you out of your head. Don't fall down to many internet infertility rabbit holes (she says while on the MN infertility board!!!)

Think about practical things you can do. So if you need to loose weight do it, it'll only be helpful down the line and it will make you feel better/more in control. Depending on your age maybe do private if you can afford to and depending on the NHS waiting times. Sometimes NHS waiting times are not as bad you think they are going to be, and NHS clinics can be really good. Unfortunately its a proper postcode lottery.

Also if you are eligible for IVF funding through your CCG its your choice where you spend that funding. So if one clinics wait times are silly, see about another. And be really pushy, swot up on what the criteria are in your area for referral and demand that your GP refers you ASAP. Just tell them you've been trying for xx time if you need to. My GP was happy to refer me at 12 months but I know some people get really messed about by their GPs.

All the best xxx

funding is not given on the NHS if 1 of you have children.. it’s evil I know, as a step child is not your child so will never be the same
If u can afford I would just go straight into around of ivf
Best of luck 🙏🏼

My husband and I had been trying for a couple of years and then got tested because we felt something was wrong. When we got the test results we felt like our whole world had fallen apart and it really felt like it would never get better. Our situation is a bit different to yours as no children for either of us yet. But what we found really helped, like @Peachy1381 has said, is focusing on what we can do to try and give us the best chance, so increase exercise, eat better, cut out caffeine and alcohol, and take all the vitamins under the sun! You might already be doing all that, but even just researching on what more we could do gave us a distraction and felt like we had a bit more control.
As your partner already has children, unfortunately you wouldn't be eligible for NHS IVF funding, but that doesn't mean you can't get all the testing done through NHS first before looking at private options for treatment. We've been recommended adcivf by a friend as they're much better priced than other providers.
My only other but of advice is to let yourself grieve, it's such a difficult experience and you need to allow yourself to feel the emotions you have and process them - just keep talking to people so they can support you too.

@shazzz1xx I have been accepted for IVF on NHS, and my husband has 2 children to a previous relationship. It depends on CCG of your area.

OP I completely know how you are feeling, but there is help out there. Sending positive vibes xx

If you are a healthy weight and reduce your sugar intake ( it can cause insulin resistance) then you might find it doesn't affect you much -I have PCOS only found out when we started trying for a baby as my periods stopped completely when I came off the pill! We continued to try and I focussed on losing weight when I wasn't in my FW so TTC wasn't my only focus and I lost 2 stone and have now been pregnant 4 times in as many years (2 are angel babies at 13w) it's doesn't mean you can get pregnant just can make it more difficult if you're not ovulating obvs! Good luck!