Trying 'one more month'

[Sadhoot]

2 years, 2 months and one miscarriage since we decided to start a family and I really, really want to see someone. I wanted to see a clinic back at the start of the year actually, but old Rona turned up. We know the issue is low sperm count due to private tests.

When we were first TTC I was using ovulation sticks, apps, etc and drove myself crazy. I would get very upset if DP wasn't in the mood at a critical time and it put a LOT of pressure on the relationship. Eventually I stopped with the sticks because I couldn't live like that.

Now DP wants me to pick them up again I just want to get cracking with IVF. I feel like I've been strung along for 2 years and I don't want to live like this. If the old fashioned method didn't work for this long, why would it now? Not to mention the long waiting times I know we'll have for appointments etc.

I'm so frustrated and having ridiculous thoughts, like doing it solo

I don't know what I'm getting at with this thread, to be honest. I suppose I'm looking for advice/experience re: when and how you moved to assisted reproduction, especially if MFI was a factor?

Has your husband been checked by a urologist for a varicocele? That's definitely worth doing if MFI is identified.

Luz192

Yes, he had a varicocele, had surgery, I fell pregnant about 8 months after, but nothing since. He's just so reticent to book any more appointments but insists that he DOES want DC, just wants to try naturally.

What age are you? If you’re 30 rather than 40 then you have more time to try naturally. I’m 40 and I wasted time trying naturally and miscarrying constantly. I think if I’d done ivf two years ago and not wasted time my eggs would have been younger and it would likely give better chances . My mate tried for a year and then dived straight into ivf and has a couple of kids now x

@Sadhoot has he said why he doesn't want to do IVF yet? I agree with others that age is an important factor, and if you are looking at NHS clinics it will vary by area of course but I would think you would be waiting a while from referral, initial appointments to actually beginning treatment! The stats suggest that 98 percent of couples will get pregnant within 2 years, would telling him help?

Personally we started getting investigations around 1 year mark ttc and then referred around 18 months to the fertility clinic and 3-4 months after that we were referred for IVF. Dealing with MFI too. Partner initially wanted to try naturally a little longer but I felt similar to you that if it hadn't happened naturally by now it was unlikely we'd conceive without IVF (but not impossible I guess!)and I didn't want to wait indefinitely and got him on board.
Best of luck xx

Sunshinelove8

I'm 29, but I don't want to have DC late in life. My mum was an "older mother" to my younger siblings, there's a huge age gap actually, and she really struggled with the pregnancies. I wanted a baby at 27 and 30 and then be done with, but you know what they say about the best laid plans

Roo45

The cost and success rate - he was aghast to discover that the failure rate is so high etc. I've had years of research to get used to the stats but he hasn't, I suppose.

Ultimately he needs to see the GP/get referred to a urologist to get the ball rolling. I can't do that for him and I don't know what difference one more month will make.

I think there is an element of fear as well, he has been researching intensely lately and found out about sperm extraction. I know that he had a hard time with the needles when he had surgery.

I'm trying to consider my options. I don't want to steamroll him into anything, but equally my life has been on hold for year. I feel so stuck and his lack of urgency is upsetting.

@Sadhoot ah I see-we are just doing standard isci so my partner doesn't need to do anything other than provide a sample same as standard IVF!
From my experience the fertility consultant said the referral is a joint referral but usually goes in the woman's name so of your partner is on board you could speak to your GP to get the referral process started without him having to see a GP? Me and my partner have different GPs and this was fine for us.
The chance of getting pregnant naturally any one cycle is only about 25 percent and at your age I think you can argue IVF has much better odds! (But I totally get the cost thing and concern regarding success rates).
Maybe a discussion like if we don't get pregnant in X months to get referred? Might give him time to come round to it?X

And maybe explaining it will take time to get referred and a referral doesn't mean you definitely have to go through with it?

Sorry for all the comments, I don't want the last one to be taken the wrong way as asking to be referred when you aren't sure! I wanted to delete or rephrase it but I can't seem to delete the post?x

No it's ok, I understand. Just lots to think about.

Hi there, there is a private male fertility guru Mr Ramsey, not cheap but I'd definitely recommend seeing him before moving towards IVF as he can help finding underlying issue and fix it or make things better so that IVF is more successful. IVF clinics completely disregard male issues and just push to do icsi and do t really acknowledge partners and their feelings. It was nice to have someone who listens and understands. Our first icsi we had 9 eggs, 3 fertilizer, 1 embryo at day 3 - negative. After Mr Ramsey and all recommendations we had 9 eggs, all fertilized, 3 embryos at day 5, the last one worked!