How to balance the desires and risks

[mikkyr]

So I have an appt on 1 Dec with another clinic.
Ok 42 with low amh and so statistically low odds.
I’m pretty sure that if I wanted to proceed with another cycle the clinic will allow me to do so.
I’m having a moral dilemma though. When you’ve been told the risks both in terms of success and genetics how to you know when to proceed and when to just stop.
I’m a pretty rational person and I understand that you can’t keep continuing in the face of adversity and at some point you have to weigh up everything including being older parents. It’s such a bitter pill to swallow.
I feel like I’m on the verge of doing what is sensible and saying ok enough but then that too is such a commitment to finality.
Who would have thought this would be so hard?

I think you have to weigh up how many rounds you can afford and what your own specific chances of success are likely to be. I know it sounds glib but have you considered donor eggs?

I'm sorry you're in this position - it's really hard

We dealt with it by agreeing at what point would we agree that we would have no regrets stopping. Whether that is a budget, age or number of cycles. At what point would we say we did everything we could abs be at peace?

People and clinics will raise the option of use of donors..... but there are significant moral and ethical implications as well as future mental health especially for the child

@ivfbeenbusy

We dealt with it by agreeing at what point would we agree that we would have no regrets stopping. Whether that is a budget, age or number of cycles. At what point would we say we did everything we could abs be at peace?

People and clinics will raise the option of use of donors..... but there are significant moral and ethical implications as well as future mental health especially for the child

Thanks - Have you reached your point yet?

I have to say that I am rather delusional at people and doctors who suggest that DE is the next most logical step. It is just something my DH and I agreed was off the table and I think it is presumptious to assume that anybody who is grappling with IVF failure doesnt know about DE.

@mikkyr would you commit to one more round with PGS at a good clinic such as ARGC? If all embryos are abnormal it would seem that is a normal end point given you are not in favour of donor eggs.

[quote Lionoflove1]@mikkyr would you commit to one more round with PGS at a good clinic such as ARGC? If all embryos are abnormal it would seem that is a normal end point given you are not in favour of donor eggs.[/quote]
I think that is what I would plan to do. My problem is my AMH is so low that I am not predicted to get very many eggs, then how many would fertilise and get to blastocyst so Im worried I would then be tempted to do another cycle and maybe another in order to bank enough eggs to get enough embryos to make the PGS testing viable...
It just never ends :(

Apologies @mikkyr I didn't mean to offend re donor eggs, and I know it's complicated. I meant it as in is that a route you could ever imagine going down - if not then fair enough. I asked as I'm doing ivf to avoid passing on a genetic condition - I'm struggling to get the numbers of eggs I need to have a good chance of success. The next step if the ivf doesn't work could be trying naturally followed by testing and having a termination if the condition is present - currently I have no intention of taking that route but I wonder if my feelings might change if we can't make the ivf work. Anyway, didn't mean to make this all about me. Wishing you all the best.

@msgloria

Apologies *@mikkyr* I didn't mean to offend re donor eggs, and I know it's complicated. I meant it as in is that a route you could ever imagine going down - if not then fair enough. I asked as I'm doing ivf to avoid passing on a genetic condition - I'm struggling to get the numbers of eggs I need to have a good chance of success. The next step if the ivf doesn't work could be trying naturally followed by testing and having a termination if the condition is present - currently I have no intention of taking that route but I wonder if my feelings might change if we can't make the ivf work. Anyway, didn't mean to make this all about me. Wishing you all the best.

Thanks and apologies if I was a bit harsh. This thing just sucks every which way 😤

@mikkyr I’m currently doing embryo banking and I think x2 rounds give me the outcome of a ‘normal’ ivf ie 3-4 blastocysts to test for PGS. You could agree to do two then PGS test and if all abnormal there’s your end point.

This is what I am doing but if all abnormal we are going to do donor eggs.