Advice. To do another round?

[mikkyr]

Please can someone respond with some thoughts.
I am 42 and have recently had a 3rd failed transfer. We met with doc today to discuss options and he was so negative about our prospects. Basically said that our 3 failed transfers show that between my husbands poor sperm (vasectomy so sperm extracted via biopsy) and my 42 year old eggs our prognosis for a different result is not positive and the risk for genetic complications is high.

I went in today feeling so amped up for another round and now I feel like it’s over.

Doc will obviously do what we want in terms of doing another egg retrieval, ICSI and then a transfer (probably a freeze all) and transfer next cycle.

But I’m so deflated. He really didn’t have anything positive to say.

Thanks for all the responses fellow ivfers. You’ve been a great help and support.

@mikkyr I am really sorry to hear of your failed cycles. What have you tried in terms of protocols? If you are keen to give it one more try would it be worth trying something different (natural modified?). Or even donor eggs although I appreciate that route is not for everyone. I have similar poor prognosis and it does take a while to digest. Good luck with whatever you decide x

@mikkyr

Thanks for all the responses fellow ivfers. You’ve been a great help and support.

Is this sarcastic?

These boards aren't active like AIBU. And it's a place for kindness.

Sorry if I've got the wrong end of the stick though.

@mikkyr

Thanks for all the responses fellow ivfers. You’ve been a great help and support.

Yeah a little bit rude OP.....

I did look at your post yesterday and was going to reply but then thought better of it mainly because I didn't think I'd be able to give him the answer you are looking for?

But since you are desperate for advice here goes.....

At your age I'm not surprised your doctors aren't optimistic - success rates for women over 43 drop to 2% which is about the same as trying naturally. Coupled with your husband's vasectomy reversal I personally wouldn't want to plough any more money into this so if I were you I'd be taking a step back from all this

I apologize but Honestly I have posted multiple times here with direct questions and it seems like unless you’re on the buddy thread actually going through a cycle you are ignored. The people who need the most help are those who aren’t actually in the throes of a cycle waiting for a BFP. Once you get your BFN there seems little point in asking for advice here

@mikkyr I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycles. I can't be of much help but I will say that after my first failed IVF round at age 40 we had a very negative follow up consultation which made me feel really awful and down about the whole thing. I picked myself up, the myself into three months of hard work to prep for the next cycle and we were rewarded with twins.

I'm now 42 too and almost 5 weeks pregnant again with a frozen embryo from that same cycle. If you want to know any info about the things I did differently in that cycle feel free to PM me.

@mikkyr I think you’re being very harsh. You are not being ignored. We are not professionals here and giving advice ivf is not our job. Everyone here has been thrown in an awful scenario and is muddling through with help from these boards.

I try to reply to any threads I can actually give some view on - I also saw your thread but it’s so different to my situation I didn’t feel I could in good faith give you advice.

I’ve also had multiple failed ivf rounds and at 34 have been told my fertility is declining rapidly. You are not the only one in a bad situation and taking it out on posters here is not the way forward. We are all trying our best and all under a lot of pressure so being kind to each other is the best we can do.

I hope someone in a similar situation can come along soon and give you advice and I’m sorry to hear about your tough experience so far.

@mikkyr I saw your other thread on AIBU which I have skimmed through. As you've only had one retrieval I'd actually be inclined to have one more try. Also all your embryos were frozen on day 3 if I understood correctly? There is often a big drop off between day 3 and day 5 so if you cultured to day 5 instead might give you a better picture of what is happening. Could you ask them to culture to day 5 next time?

[quote TTCIVF]@mikkyr I saw your other thread on AIBU which I have skimmed through. As you've only had one retrieval I'd actually be inclined to have one more try. Also all your embryos were frozen on day 3 if I understood correctly? There is often a big drop off between day 3 and day 5 so if you cultured to day 5 instead might give you a better picture of what is happening. Could you ask them to culture to day 5 next time?[/quote]
Thank you so much for replying. That would be the plan if I could get my head around the doctor being so negative about my prospects.

[quote SamoyedFan123]@mikkyr I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycles. I can't be of much help but I will say that after my first failed IVF round at age 40 we had a very negative follow up consultation which made me feel really awful and down about the whole thing. I picked myself up, the myself into three months of hard work to prep for the next cycle and we were rewarded with twins.

I'm now 42 too and almost 5 weeks pregnant again with a frozen embryo from that same cycle. If you want to know any info about the things I did differently in that cycle feel free to PM me.[/quote]
Hi @SamoyedFan123, it's good to hear you had two positive results from one cycle, especially after a negative consultation following the first one. Gives me some flicker of hope going into my first cycle at 41 (though I know there's absolutely no knowing how mine will turn out).

Hi, I've just seen this thread - don't check every day as it's not great for my mental health when I do.

I think that the combination of poor sperm and egg quality (if I'm reading your posts right, sorry if I'm not) means your chances of a good outcome are reduced, but reduced isn't the same as non-existent. You could consider whether there are alternative protocols you'd like to try, whether there are any lifestyle changes or medications that might help improve egg and sperm quality, whether you both would want to try donor sperm and/or eggs or embryo adoption? If your experience with your current clinic has left you feeling hopeless, would you want to try a different clinic? And at what point would you both feel able to say "we've tried everything we feel able to try"? IVF is really expensive emotionally, physically and financially, so it might help to have an idea of how long you feel able to travel down this road. Good luck with whatever you decide is right for you both.

Hi OP. I’m a fellow IVF-er so I get it.

Your doctor has a duty to be realistic. It would not be right to keep telling you the next time will work when there are no guarantees and you are paying thousands each time. So I don’t think the doctor is in the wrong but equally I think it’s important you have a good relationship with the person treating you and so if you go ahead with another cycle I would go with another clinic.

As for another cycle, if money isn’t an issue and you don’t feel ready to give up then go ahead. That way it will either work or you can look back and say you did what you could.

I would recommend you set up support and counselling though as it’s a bumpy ride and you don’t want trying to be at the expense of your overall well being.