TTC & Low Job/Career Motivation - Advice Please?

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Hi all,

I would appreciate some thoughts on my situation, as my husband and I are trying for a baby and initially it took 16 months however this resulted in a miscarriage at 7 weeks. Since then it has been 7 months of trying to concieve again.

I feel quite exhausted at this long process and at the same as this I am finding myself losing motivation and passion in my stressful job and having to think about careers. I feel like my top want in life has become about really wanting to start a family and I feel like I really couldnt care less about interviews and having to think about career progression etc other than needing it financially.

Not sure if I am rambling just feel a bit hopeless at the moment...but any thoughts or advice would be appreciated.

I quit teaching about 6 months before we did ivf. My heart wasn't in it, and no one needs a teacher like that. I was depressed, suicidal at times. Really, the whole situation was a mess.

I applied for a couple jobs that seemed interesting. Got a very part-time 'hobby job' that started after our (successful) ivf cycle.

I'd applied for a job in the civil service as one of the jobs that looked interesting. Took almost a year to get a start date, and then they held the job until after my maternity leave.

Been doing the job nearly a year and I haven't looked back. Best decision I made. Ignoring the baby aspect and getting on with the rest of my life.

It's been a big hit financially, but I honestly don't think the ivf would have worked if I'd stayed in teaching. I was an absolute mess...

That's understandable. Would you try re-framing it in your head as you're working to make money for your future family? Start a savings account, get promoted and enjoy better maternity leave pay and packages when the time comes?

Make a spreadsheet with the costs of everything you need for babies, then toddlers, then childcare etc... it will soon start to add up. I know people like to say that children don't need to be expensive but wouldn't it be nice to have the money to relax?

I understand how you feel. You have the demands of a tough job and the demands of ttc . Sometimes it is too tough.
I’m the main breadwinner and my dh doesn’t work , we have one dd and this was the choice we made as I earn almost double his salary and he worked crazy hours and so all the work and child pickups fell to me and I was burnt out running all over trying to juggle it all. However , this year I’ve had 4 mcs just before 12 weeks and have had to have time out off sick as I couldn’t juggle it all physically and mentally. I’ve gone from being an award winning employee to bottom of the pile and an issue as I’m unreliable .
Dh and I discussed me giving up, reducing hours and taking redundancy but we would be in financial trouble if we did. So I’m having to carry on and do ivf on holidays etc it’s not ideal at all . I feel mentally broken !
If you can could you 1) give up your job and afford it / take redundancy 2) reduce your hours to say 3 days a week Or condense hours so you can take say Fridays off ? 3) take a sabbatical if offered by your company
What also helped me ttc was not just continually doing the same thing , after my first mmc I went privately and tested my amh etc etc to see if I needed to hurry up doing ivf . I did ! It helps not to be in the dark .
If over 35 I would tend toward ivf as I did wait a little bit too long as I was falling pregnant naturally/covid hit . My eggs are now the issue as at 40 they aren’t the quality they were a couple years ago .
If you can afford it put work secondary is my overall message xxx