Glasgow Fertility specialist for consultation only - recommendations

[greenjavapiano]

DP and I have been TTC since January 2018, not counting 6 months during that time, so almost 2.5 years. I did fall pregnant once this year but miscarried at 6 weeks.

My partner won't get tested, so the NHS won't offer me any fertility testing, except a day 21 progesterone which I had 1.5 years ago and was normal. I also paid privately for a HYCOSY which was normal. DP would generally prefer no children (he doesn't dislike children, just the effort and responsibility) and is generally against medical treatment, pills etc, which he seems to get from his dad.

I would like to try clomid or similar to give our changes a boost. Problem is I'm not sure whether a private fertility clinic would prescribe this to me if my partner hasn't been tested, or is generally not involved in treatment. So I would like to make an appointment with a private specialist to discuss, but not sure whether to go with GCRM or Glasgow Royal - does anyone have experience of the doctors at these clinics and whether they are likely to be helpful? Price is the same for a consultation £225.

This sounds rather tricky - I'm not sure even private fertility clinics will be keen on providing you with treatment if your partner won't be tested. They will have an incomplete picture so making accurate recommendations would be impossible - they can put you on as much clomid as you like but if his sperm are low quality that isn't going to help.

I think it would probably go against the ethos/ethics of fertility clinics generally to provide treatment to a couple where one person doesn't want the child. I assume this is why the NHS has declined to offer you help. I suppose you may have more luck in the private sector if the clinic is solely focused on profit. Children are a joint venture (unless you are doing the whole journey alone ie with no partner) - are you sure this is the right thing to do? If your life goals are so different, is he the right person for you to be with? I would imagine having children is pretty all consuming, he won't be able to avoid it and your lives (both) will be forever changed. I personally wouldn't go down the route you're taking but have great sympathy for the difficult position you are in. Good luck.

I do think it's likely that clinics require consent from both partners, if that's the case we'll continue TTC without any help. DP and I bought a house together 1 year ago after living together for 4 years so are in a committed stable relationship. I have been pregnant once therefore we are fertile to some extent. What I meant was that DP would prefer no children, I have friends who felt the same way doesn't mean they are not loving parents. I can't wait for ideal circumstances that will almost certainly never happen, I turn 36 next month.

What I'm looking for is really to discuss with someone, at least to lighten the load and make me feel like I'm doing what I can. Currently DPs nieces live in Australia and I have none so no grandchildren in the country in either of our families which makes me really sad.

Please don't take this as meant in a harmful way, it's really not intended but I'm unsure why you are trying to go through fertility treatment if your partner doesn't want to and doesn't want kids?
That's not fair on him or any resulting child. You can risk it and think 'oh he'll love the child when it's here' but what if that isn't the case?

I think before anything else you need to have a serious chat with your partner and decide how you proceed.

How was he when you were pregnant before? Either way you really both need to be on board with this if you plan to bring another life into the world

Wasn’t really looking for judgement on my less-than-perfect life, just an answer to my question or to hear from someone in a similar position

I think best to just go ahead and book a consultation to be honest, and discuss it when you get there. I'm not sure how many people on these kind of forums will be able to relate to your scenario as it is unusual. Either clinic will give you a professional opinion which will probably loosely correlate with those of others so you can feel more informed about your options. I don't think the previous posters comments are particularly unfair, it is quite hard to see how you will have a happy and successful relationship long term if you have a child your husband doesn't want. That said, you know your relationship, so if you think it will work I hope things work out for you.

Hi, I'm in Glasgow too but NHS rather than private. I spoke with GCRM earlier in the year and they seemed quite nice, although I'm not with them just now.

While I'm not in your situation, I'd imagine the clinics will come across couples fairly often where there are different views on how to proceed and at what point to "call it a day". Some people want to try everything, some people only consider NHS treatments, some people don't want invasive procedures... So, I guess my advice would be to speak with someone from whichever service you prefer and see what they say. You and potentially your husband if he's willing might also want to look into fertility counselling for some extra support, so you could ask about that at the consultation if you like.