How to have hope and stay positive despite low chances

[Kt1313]

Hi All

I’ve been going through a bit of a rollercoaster as I am sure many of you have. I did a routine MOT as my husband and I decided a year ago to aim for a baby. 10 months on, we did the MOT and they told me I had a very low AMH of 2.1 at 37 years old, and my husband has low motility and irregular shaped sperm meaning only 1% are viable. The only saving grace is he has a high sperm count and my follicle count was ‘OK’. We then set off to do IVF with ICSI . Got an NHS referral, but who knows how long that will take in London with this pandemic added to the mix, So are going private. Had our nurse consultation and were set to start meds this week, but my bloods were showing I’m not immune to Rubella. I’ve had both immunisations when I was young, but apparently, in a small percentage of people, it wears off or they just don’t take to the inoculation and will never be immune. The Dr.advised another MMR injection and now another month to wait. I’m just feeling deflated and constantly set back. With our low chances and constant obstacles, I feel hopeless... not to mention the cost... any positive words or experiences?

Hello

So sorry to hear about all of your setbacks. I'm in a similar boat to you. In London, at Kings (who have been good so far, and are straightforward and reasonably priced). I don't really have any words of hope because I'm very much on my journey with this but didn't want to read and run.

I get how hard it is, how it is difficult to keep on hoping, that it actually hurts to hope. We had our first IVF cycle cancelled as out of 27 follicles only one was big enough, so no point doing egg collection. I was devastated and my head went to a really dark place. I was doing everything to make it happen and there was no good reason why the drugs didn't work properly for me. We converted to an IUI (didn't work) and we are going to go for another try at IVF next cycle on a bigger dose of different drugs.

The things I'm doing to look after my mental health in all this include - not drinking (although I did sink a couple of bottles of wine after the negative test following the IUI!), yoga/meditation/acupressure mats, diet and general exercise, joining a choir so my life isn't all work, lockdown and fertility, treating myself to new clothes/makeup.

I'm trying to get to a place where I am being positive about IVF, doing everything I can to make it happen for us, but also keeping a broader view that my life will not be defined by my success or failure to have children.

Hope that helps - perhaps not the positive story you were hoping for! I wish you all the best.

Hi @Peachy1381, thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I’m so sorry you are going through such a tricky time. I read an article today and the one thing that really stood out was to ‘be flexible’. Of course that is much easier said than done, especially if you are a type A personality, which I am, but hearing your experience made me feel less alone. I really hope everything works out for you and sending you positive thoughts. Thanks again :)

Hi I am in a similar position to you but unfortunately x3 failed cycles of IVF down. I try to just ground myself when it all gets on top of me with one question. Am I ready to give up? Thus far the answer is a clear unequivocal no so until that changes of even gets cast in doubt I know I’m doing the right thing keeping going.

I do worry about all we are spending. If we get a baby I don’t think I will care what the cost was but if we just sink all our funds inti this for nothing it will be hard to deal with.

Hi @Kt1313
I definitely know that feeling of hopelessness. It seemed so easy for most people around me, as far as I was aware of course, and our odds of success seemed so low. I was 37 with a lower AMH than you, 1 tube, and very few follicles. IVF did work despite only getting 4 eggs and only 1 blast. I was more than surprised because I had written myself off of course. It was a very bleak time. I also, despite the numbers, managed to have another baby (naturally) very soon after.
I suppose what I have learnt from it all is this - too little is known about fertility to know how things will go until you try. I didn’t personally see the point of changing much, so I just carried on as normal (same diet, wine etc). Maybe I was just lucky. Who knows? I thought the whole experience was hard enough without me then cutting out things that I enjoyed!
I really hope that you find success. It’s a real pain about the vaccine and I would have felt the same. Good luck for everything x