If embryo transfer blues is a thing, I seem to have it

[Frogspawn20]

Hello

Just needed to offload some emotions really. Just had ET and am feeling glum (indeed, I cried all the way home - what a lovely, welcoming environment for my two embies...)

This is our 1st round of IVF with the aim of getting DC2. DC1 was a natural conception after 5 years of infertility, 3 MCs, 1 ectopic and 2 unsuccessful rounds of IVF. We have tried naturally for DC2 for just 6 months to no avail, and given my age thought we'd best crack on with IVF.

My hopes are not exactly high - I am old and my husband's sperm is shit. We got 9 eggs, 8 were mature and 4 fertilised. Today (Day 5) we had 1 early blastocyst (too small to be graded) and 1 compacting morula transferred. The other two embies are a day or so behind, so they will see if they will catch up tomorrow.

I dunno. I'm at peace with this not working (life is pretty nice as it is), but am feeling very glum about it all. Stupidly I'd got my hopes up a bit that we would get a better result this time than 5 years ago when I was 35 - I am so much healthier these days (gave up alcohol over a year ago, more exercise, healthier diet, generally much better shape) but I guess I hadn't really accepted just how much fertility drops off as you get to your forties.

I just feel like this is all hopeless really and an expensive and emotional waste of time. My clinic hasn't exactly excelled in providing a reassuring and nurturing patient environment which I think has added to the general disatisfaction with the whole process.

Gah, don't really know what the point of this post is really other than to offload. Thanks to anyone who reads, and hearty apologies for such ramblings.

I certainly feel worse since the transfer. Before that it's waiting for next steps etc, now it's one long wait into a yes, or a no.

Sorry you feel rubbish and I get it. The low hopes protect your heart from failure.
We also had natural conception DC1 after five years infertility. Sperm is not great. Failed IVF, failed frozen embryo transfer.

Now we've been trying for no.2 for around 6 months without success and going to 'progress' back to our two frozen embryos but they were the less good ones so I don't have high hopes. I naively thought because we had finally got lucky that the infertility was over. Fingers crossed you get your positive!

Thanks both for replying. I feel better today after a good cry and a decent-ish night's sleep. I'm just so tired of thinking about trying to make a baby. It's all-consuming sometimes isn't it? I think the ET just felt like a massive anti-climax. And yes, it's now back to that good ol' fucker, the two week wait which will more than likely end in another disappointment.

Still, on we go.