Documenting IVF journey?

[MF1981]

Hi there

My fiancé and I have been talking about documenting our upcoming IVF journey somehow. We’re not sure how to do it so I thought I’d ask if any of you are documenting or have documented your journey and how. Would love to hear all your ideas! x

I'm going to be honest on this one....I started IVF with such plan's of documenting everything in a little scrapbook - photos, all my medication in the shape of a heart, all the scan photos, photos of DH and I all gowned up at the clinic, the obligatory post collection Mac Donald's, photos of BFP line progression.......

I was VERY naive and at the time saw IVF as the answer to our prayers and we were guaranteed for it to work first time......then it didn't. And neither did the next cycle nor the one after that or the one after that. How do you document the reality of how awful it really is? At best I'd have a scrapbook book full of clinic invoices, bank loan applications and credit card statements.
How do you record the stress and tears and constant panic before scans about how many follicles were there what size they were, how many eggs on collection day, nor to mention the 5 days post collection when your waiting by the phone to find out what blastocysts (if any) I had. Not to mention your partner may not even be allowed to be with you on egg collection day - mine wasn't (they may tell him to do his sample at home then you drive to the clinic with a pot of his sperm stuffed in your bra) or even on transfer day?

I'm not saying don't do it but if you are not one of the lucky few to have a one hit wonder baby - first cycle first transfer there isn't ANYONE I know who had more than one failed cycle who wanted to continue to document it. I had to go through my photos and delete them as they were too painful a reminder of past failures

I used to photograph line progressions of BFP tests too and "bump" progression shots from 1 month onwards until I had 5 miscarriages and 2 ectopics...The reality of it all sucks the enjoyment out of it eventually x

So sorry for everything you’ve been through @ivfbeenbusy and I appreciate your honesty. I’ve been trying to stay positive but also be realistic, but my fiancé is really keen to somehow keep some form of record for us to look back on should we get a positive result. I don’t want to do the cliche stuff so I’m maybe thinking a video diary might help us both. I’ve bought an ivf diary to keep notes and appointments in and I think that’s enough for me but then I am more of a writer than my partner is. He’s not great at talking about his feelings so I want to try and embrace any suggestion he has for an outlet for his feelings.

Thanks @MF1981 it's definitely important to be realistic. If your comfortable about the whole video diary thing then try it - I'm not sure how honest people really are on it? And how much you'd want to look back at it?

What I did do was keep a note book of quotes and snippets of thoughts - about miscarriage, infertility, about being a woman, about strength etc extracts from poems that really reflected how I felt in that moment.

I didn't have a lot of support from family during my losses and didn't feel like I could tell them so I wrote it in the book. It's not a diary so much as I didn't reference dates. From time to time I get it out and read it and it makes me proud about how far I've come. One day I'll give it to my children (I'm now pregnant with twins) so they know how hard i fought for them and also as a reminder not to take fertility for granted

Sorry but I really hate this idea. For me it's not some romantic journey, but a job to get done

I’m not sure anyone would ever refer to it as a romantic journey @ivftake1! It’s pretty much as far away from romance as you can get. I’m not talking about a video montage with lovely music like a wedding video. More something that can help us deal with the ups and downs and our emotions.

There’s a very supportive ivf / infertility community on tiktok, if that’s your thing. Lots of people use it as a platform to share their treatment.

I started out with intentions of documenting my FET, but I just felt a bit daft, so I stopped. My last transfer in august was unsuccessful and I’m in the tww for my most recent transfer. It didn’t even cross my mind to record anything this time round.

The only thing I have from my fresh round 5 years ago - other than my dd - is a bag full of peed-on frers

I didn't think of this and I think yes might be nice if your first or even second round works out. After that it does become very challenging though. I've got photos of my embryos from failed rounds and I can't even look at them now

Thanks @RefuseTheLies and sending positivity to you.

This is my concern @TTCIVF - thank you for sharing.

Really like your idea @ivfbeenbusy.

I agree with @ivfbeenbusy I’m not sure what I would document. The crying, failed cycles, talking about giving up, keeping going, starting counselling after multiple fails, weight gain and so on. I’d love to just have it work and then forget about it. I can’t see that I’d ever want to look back on it.

Not sure if this is what you were meaning but I keep a journal, a general one, and this is something I’ve been doing for years anyway. Since going through all of this fertility stuff I’ve used it to write down my highs and lows (mainly lows to be honest, haven’t had any success yet). I don’t often read the journals back as it’s my way to get thoughts down out of my head and I don’t tend to revisit them. It’s a really simple way to document your journey and if you get to the point of hating your document there’s always a bonfire 😁.

I can see exactly where you’re coming from @Showyourself1.

I’ve done this in the past as well @OhPeanuts and found it helpful so think I will do the same. It’s finding something that works for my fiancé that’s proving difficult as he’s not good at putting his feelings into words.

No. Sorry to be negative but the whole thing was a fairly unrelenting nightmare and a massive waste of time for us. Not sure if l even have the embryo pictures, l might have binned them

We had our first nurse appointment so we decided to just try a video diary and see how it goes. Plus I have my paper diary. We’ll see...

I’ve kept detailed daily diaries of each round. Measurements and follicle numbers, blood test numbers, what medication I’m on each day, brief note of how I feel (sore boobs etc). It’s not fancy, just a notebook & black pen.

I’m not into writing my feelings down but it’s been extremely useful to look back on the numbers as I’ve started each new round.

IVF is soul destroying & thoroughly agree that scrapbooking etc would have been fairly futile.

Lots of couples do this on Instagram. Have a look at the hashtags #infertility and #ivf - lots of people don’t want to document their journey but some do- perhaps it is therapeutic for them, perhaps they want others to know they are not alone, and if successful the record of their journey might give others a little hope. Some do this on an anonymous instagram and don’t ever photograph their own faces so it doesn’t need to out you to friends and family- but you would still get the comments and support from followers. It’s not for everyone but you might want to look into it? Even if you don’t want to go down that route it might give you ideas of how to record it privately.

@Trousersareoverrated - thank you! I agree - we’re all different and all trying to find the thing that works for us and helps us get through it.

Can't think of anything worse TBH

I completely get it. I’ve documented a lot of what we’ve been through so far, in photos. It’s a reminder of how far I’ve come and what I’ve survived. I do it for me and not to share with anyone though. I love photography and being creative and if I can try and do something to distract myself from the constant heartache I will do it. If documenting your journey gives you something else to focus on or get you through the endless waiting then I think you should go for it. Best of luck with everything x

Thank you @lillylemon86 - really appreciate your kind message. I’m hopeful it helps my fiancé as he seems quite into it at the moment and he’s not usually great with talking about his feelings so if it works as an outlet for him then great.