Need your relationship advice!!!

[greybeans]

I know I haven't posted in the right category but I only want advice from people going through infertility me and my partner have been trying for around 2 and a half years am on my 5th round of letrozole and been going for acupuncture for over 2 months now so I feel like am ready to get pregnant very soon however we have decided to end our relationship we are still on good terms and he has said that we could still try for a baby he knows am so desperate to be a mum as I don't have any children what would you do? I know he would be an amazing father i don't want to wait any longer to meet someone new then it might not work out again ? Please don't be rude thanks

If you want a child do not make this man his or her father. Why would he be at all an amazing father anyway given that your relationship with him is at an end. The child deserves better and so do you. Remaining with this man solely out of wanting to conceive is not a good move for either of you.

Well I know he is great with children in his side aswell as mines but we have fallen out of love really

Hi @greybeans
I think there is still lots of love coming from your partner. It is amazing that he is still there for you.
It's difficult to give an advice but I think it all depends on your age. If you are still young and you have time to meet someone than why would you do such a commitment with an ex?
A friend of mine was single and went down the donor sperm route. It's not for everyone but it's an option.
The question you need to ask yourself do you want a child or do you want his child?

Have you considered the practicalities, for example would you live together whilst the baby is tiny or would you be apart? It’s very hard dealing with the night feeds and waking even with a partner, I would have found it very tough to be alone then let my baby “go” overnight to a parent they don’t know.

Would he be your birth partner etc?

When you say still “try” do you mean be intimate? I would find that really confusing.

What happens when one of you meets someone, will the child still come first?

It sounds like you actually both want the same things, and have a lot of respect for each other. Are you sure that the relationship isn’t salvageable? Infertility can put huge pressure on even the most solid of relationships.

I wouldn’t it’s not fair on the baby having parents living apart

Just to say I’ve done 2 rounds of ivf and got my 14 month old and now I don’t want to be with my partner we just don’t get on and have fallen out of love too but it’s super difficult now there’s a baby involved

Yes he would be the birthing partner
No we would be living separately am 31 I know it's not a competition but iv wanted a baby for soo long and all my friends have babies but me of course the baby would come first if I met someone new but the thought of my struggling to get pregnant makes me so much more desperate I don't want to meet anyone new at the moment so then I would need to wait even longer

Sorry OP but given your update on your age and your reasons for wanting a baby, I think you would be better waiting to find someone you love who could raise a child with you. Or going down a donor route later on if you don’t meet anyone. Raising a child in ideal circumstances is hard enough, why make things harder?

Unless you have prematurely declining fertility you have plenty of time to have one or more babies.

I get the peer pressure from friends having them and feeling left behind, I watched friends have babies when I was struggling and it’s so hard, but it isn’t a good enough reason alone to have one.

I understand the overwhelming feelings of desperation that come with infertility but are those feelings clouding your judgement in this situation? Would you make the same decision if you weren't struggting to concieve?

Have you thought through and discussed how co-parenting will work between you and how will you feel when you or he meets someone else. At 31 you still have time to meet someone else or would you consider using a donor?

You said in your op you are ready to get pregnant now but doing acupuncture may have no impact and also you are not having much success with letrozole if you are on your 5th round. You have been trying 2.5 years - why do you think it’s going to happen now? It could be a long time until you are pregnant and it will be tough to keep going through that with a partner who is only in it for the sex with no emotional support.

What if it takes you a long time to conceive? Will he agree to not date anyone new? Or is there a chance he will meet someone new and the agreement will end? Even if not a relationship if he sleeps around at all you are at risk of a STI that may harm your fertility aside from the other risks as you are having unprotected sex with him.

It seems like quite a messed up way to ttc never mind difficulties if you get pregnant and have the child re co parenting etc. Have you discussed all this?