Undecided to use frozen embryos

[Mccarthyaisling]

I was blessed ,after ivf, to have twin girls. We then froze two embryos for three years. It’s time to decide if we wish to try again. I want to. I wouldn’t have ivf again to have a child but want to give these embryos a chance. I see them as the beginning of life and so many possibilities. I am 42. My husband is so unsure. He worries there will be something wrong with the child and this could affect what we have now. He is so happy with our family and afraid to upset this. I know the embryos are the quality of that of when they were fertilised but I can’t give guarantees. I am not asking you what I should do but would like to hear from people who are / were in similar situations.

I'm not quite in the same situation yet as still
Pregnant with my IVF twins. But I also have 2 more frozen that were actually graded higher than the 2 we put in! I'm 37. I don't have any concerns regarding any quality issues with them as they were obviously frozen earlier this year. We did 5 rounds of IVF to get these embryos and to me they are also a beginning of a life that DH and I created. They are also the last we will ever make. We won't do any more IVF having spent everything we have to get to where we are and we can't conceive naturally as I lost both tubes to ruptured ectopics. DH doesn't view them the same as me - probably because men just don't have to go through the hardship of IVF like we do. They don't have the same attachment.

I would absolutely transfer them if I could. But DH will never agree though. We do already have an older DD together and he always said he only wanted 2 kids and hopefully soon we will have 3! He definitely wouldn't want 5 kids though

I guess the question is if you transferred them - would you transfer both together and risk possibility of another set of twins? Could you afford to do that/physically cope with more twins?
But if you only transferred one and it worked then surely you would feel the same about the one left behind? In which case you'd be even older - over mid 40s potentially by the time the 3rd came along of that one also stuck?

Ivfbeenbusy it is like you are reading my mind. I would only have one embryo transfer. If that didn’t work I would have the second. And yes if the first worked I don’t think we would be trying again. I would but I know it wouldn’t be a discussion with my husband. I don’t want to destroy any of them. I wanted to denote them but my clinic have a cut off point of 37 and I was 39 at fertilisation. I don’t want to pressure my husband and I can’t guarantee there wouldn’t be any problems with the baby but how do I just tell doctors to let them perish... “ I’m ok I got what I want ...” that’s how I keep seeing it. I see them as potential..as my girls siblings.

I guess there are a few other options to consider - like donating them to research (don't think there was a cut off on age for that) and part of me wonders if I'll take that option one day? If I can help others not go through the devastation that infertility causes then at least I feel like I will have given something back?

BUT I'm not there mentally yet. I still have a PGS tested complex abnormal frozen from last year in addition to the 2 from this year. Legally I can't transfer it so I don't know why I haven't signed the destroy forms?

I wouldn't donate mine to another couple....the thought of going through all this, to fight so hard to have another baby (nearly died twice from my ectopics) only for someone else to raise my biological children is not something I could cope with

I think In the end I'll let them go all together - there is no way I would be able to choose which to transfer if DH agreed to a 4th.

I'm having boy/girl twins so perhaps that also helps as I think if I only ever had boys or girls I would always wonder what it would be like to have one of the other

Hi OP,

I have a 2 yr old DD who took 5 rounds of IVF to conceive. We have another 3 PGS-tested normal embryos in storage at the clinic and we've just started having these same discussions. Part of me wishes we only got one good embryo and didn't have to make this decision.

We went through so much trauma to get DD, we always said that if we were lucky enough to have a healthy baby then that would be it, we wouldn't go through another transfer cycle. I don't know if I could open myself up to wanting to be pregnant again, only to be devastated if it didn't work (not to mention the logistics/finances/physical impact of undergoing another transfer cycle with a toddler in tow). It seemed to us almost 'greedy' to want another baby when for a long time we never thought we'd have one child - just to be clear that's our thinking for us, I'd never imply that about anyone else's choices.

I had a v traumatic pregnancy, bleeding, prem birth, DD was in SCBU for the first week of her life and then had some minor health issues that led to an extremely stressful first year. We were 100% certain that we were done and happy with our family of three and she's now a happy, healthy, beautiful toddler.

And yet. The old broody feelings have returned. We've had a couple of conversations about how it would be nice for DD to have a sibling and how I'd like another crack at being pregnant, giving birth etc. But I don't think these are necessarily good reasons for having another baby as there's a high chance we'd end up with the same issues all over again. I'm 35 (was 33 when embryos were frozen) and DH is 39 so age not such an issue, but we're going back and forth tentatively. I think at heart DH doesn't want another but he'd do it if I really wanted to go for it. For now we've agreed to keep paying the storage fee and keep talking about it, but we're going to have to make a decision in the next year or so.

Sorry OP, I don't know if this is helping you as I'm just rambling a bit! Best of luck with whatever you decide

Hi It does help hearing other thoughts on this. I know we feel so blessed with what we have. My husband would also go ahead if I push for it but that’s not fair on anyone. I didn’t think I would be so conflicted when I had them frozen but now we have girls to think about too and have to be sure and ready for anything this possible pregnancy might bring.

I currently have baby DD napping on me: we have 8 embryos frozen - I have absolutely no idea what to do with them! We got 12 embryos from our first round, but two MMC and one BFN plus DD has left us with 8. Even if we decide to go for a second, there's no way we'll use all 8 so we'll have to make that decision sometime. I couldn't donate them to someone else, so I suppose research? As PP said, hopefully it would help prevent others going through the pain.

In my more hormonal moments I have considered having DH declared mentally incompetent (there is a section on the consent forms which says in the event of mental incapacity or death then I get total say over what happens to any embryos! Not sure he knew what he was signing though 🤣) and then I get full say over ownership of our blastocysts and would be able to transfer them....well it's either that or bury him under the patio!