Secondary infertility - accept it, or wipe out savings on IVF?

[CC81]

Hey all, I've contributed to various threads on here in recent times, but my situation and thinking have now moved on. I'm keen to hear from others who are struggling with the same current dilemma.

I've had tests at a private clinic and also NHS. I'm still ovulating and am physically fine, as is my husband - but I have a low ovarian reserve (AMH is 0.9, AFC is 5 and FSH is around 16.5). I'm nearly 39.

It's been a shock, as we conceived our first child naturally (immediately) only three years ago. We're extremely fortunate to have her - and this process has made me realise that even more.

However, we'd dearly love to give her a sibling. If we can't, I know it'll be an awful struggle seeing people around us have second and third children. We also worry about her being lonely - but I'm aware this is a stereotype of single children, and probably the result of stupid social pressure and expectation. It's hard to shake it off, though.

IVF is an option for us, but it's very unlikely to work. We're wary of wiping out our savings on a stressful, unpleasant process when we could be concentrating on the child we have; and investing in our future instead.

There's a lot of appeal in the idea of not bothering with IVF and accepting what we have... BUT I don't want to regret not trying, for the rest of my life.

Natural conception is still possible, though also unlikely, as my egg quality may have declined along with the numbers. I'm doing acupuncture and taking various supplements.

My feelings are confused, as I'm also reeling from the idea that my egg supply is so crap for my age. While I'm relieved that I'm internally 'normal' (womb, ovaries, etc.) and my blood results show I'm fine, I worry about what it means for my general health. Maybe nothing.

If this was our first child, there'd be no question of trying IVF - and we'd also look into adoption. But as it's second time around, it makes the decision so much more complicated. And finally, I feel guilty for feeling upset when some people are going through hell to conceive their first, or fighting other health issues.

Hi all, I'm back after my short break from forums 😊

I'm now 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant - had a private scan today (all ok) and also our NIPT results (all low risk).

So while there's still a long way to go, I'm feeling encouraged. We're going to tell my parents on Christmas Day.

@Ellsiedodah - Not sure if you've seen my more recent posts (since my original), but I've been on quite a rollercoaster in recent months.

In short, we'd pretty much decided NOT to do any kind of fertility treatment - and were genuinely feeling good about staying as a family of three. There are lots of positives.

But then I got naturally pregnant... and then found out it's twins!

So I've struggled to believe it's 'real', to be honest. I've been horribly anxious in this first trimester. It's made me realise that if this pregnancy doesn't work out, I'm 100% that I wouldn't want to go through fertility treatment. I think it's a wonderful thing for some people - but it simply isn't for me.

I think you're very sensible to be weighing everything up so carefully.

@Mctm123 - How are you getting on?

@CC81 that is such incredible and happy news! And...twins naturally!! Meanwhile I've been vacillating again in the interests of reaching closure on this whole thing sooner - maybe ivf should be considered so I don't spend the next 18 months wondering. Argh.. it's so hard. Anyway I'm very happy for you. All the best for the rest of your pregnancy and your growing family:)

@Ellsiedodah - Thank you I'm trying to keep sensible about it, as it's still early.

If ED was a barrier for you in the past, but IUI solved it, maybe that will also be the answer this time? It certainly seems worth a go, to give the egg and sperm a good chance of meeting.

In the end, one of the biggest things that put me off IVF was the idea that we'd already managed it without (and my AMH was probably low then, too) - so the natural approach was maybe right for my body.

Whereas the more 'aggressive' approach of IVF may not be. I think if I hadn't had a child already, I'd probably feel differently.

[quote CC81]@Mctm123 - How are you getting on? [/quote]
Fine thanks apart from sick as a dog!! But so so happy!! How are you? Xx

@Mctm123 - That's great to hear.

I'm nearly at 15 weeks now (all scans and tests ok so far). Not sure the anxiety will ever go away, though!

Aww I know @CC81 the anxiety is with me too but I am managing better than I thought actually! The only worry I have at the moment, our downs test came back high risk at 1 in 130 and apparently I have low papp-a which is a bit of a concern. We have opted not to have any further testing though as we want this baby no matter what. I just worry as papp-a can mean low birth weight, premature baby, still birth etc but I have been advised to up my dosage of aspirin to 150mg xx

@Mctm123 - Sounds like they're keeping an eye on things. The 1 in 130 chance is still below 1%, so fingers crossed all is well. x

Quick update - our twins were born healthy a few weeks ago :)