Informing work of IVF

[Roo45]

Hello everyone! I was wondering if you informed your work of IVF treatment. With covid I'm home a lot more but I have certain fixed days I need to go in. I'm hopeful I can do most things on the days I'm home but I am assuming might be the odd appointment I'll have to do at fairly short notice which could end up on a day I'm supposed to be in work (first cycle of IVF and not sure what to expect!).
Ideally I don't want to inform work, I know it sounds stupid but if it doesn't work obviously people will know I've tried and it failed, I don't know if that makes sense?x

Tell your line manager - it’s nobody else’s business so others shouldn’t know? If you become unwell because of the treatment (which I have) then it’s a lot easier if someone knows. I had a few appointments changed and last minute appointments which didn’t fall on my day off xx

I haven't told anyone in work and that has included IVF in the UK and then going abroad for treatment with 4 egg collections so far.

I do have some flexibility, and I have taken 2 days as sick leave when I absolutely couldn't rearrange.
Other appointments where I had to come in late I just worked later/at the weekend to make up the hours.
I have used a few days as leave.

My work actually has an IVF policy with paid leave but when I spoke to HR they said I'd have to tell my line manager to get the leave, which makes sense, but for me it wasn't worth the lack of privacy.

I'd definitely recommend telling at least one person, either your line manager or a HR representative and tell them to keep it confidential. Treatment is intensive and there all a lot of possible side effects to the drugs. At least if someone knows they will hopefully lighten your load which will take the pressure off you? Also helps for last minute appointments or if the side effects get too bad and you need time off.
The new Gov guidance to work from home again might limit the days you have to go into work hopefully x

I told my line manager and the person I share an office with. Both of them knowing meant that I was able to minimise my stress at work and they covered for me when people asked questions as to why I was constantly out of the office (I work in a school so annual leave for appointments was impossible).

I told my line manager yesterday - he was super supportive and my work have a policy that gives you 3 days off for fertility treatment.

I had this conversation with my line Manager yesterday, and she was very supportive. She said her best friend went through IVF this summer, and told me not to underestimate how much this is going to affect me. The fact that she has experienced it makes me feel so much better because at least she will understand if I do need her help with anything/time off for appointments. I have never gone through it before, so I don't know how I will react to it.

Unfortunately, although she is my line manager, day to day I support someone else. My manager isn't even in my office. I don't want to tell him, or anyone else at work, and am worried how I'll fit in appointments, but hopefully she can help me come up with a plan.

I didn't tell anyone at my company. No one noticed. I took a couple of days off for some appointments but that's it.

I was on max dose of drugs but didn't really have any side effects except for some spots and wind.

Telling someone at work specially your line manager really helps. Once, something was stressing me at work. Normally I would have dealt with it. But due to IVF appointments, I was unable to. And she was really positive about it and helped me resolve that problem. Also, they would be more understanding if you spend more time at appointments and work under hours on some days.

Can I ask how those of you who told work how you approached the conversation? My manager is nice but I don’t know her well and we don’t have personal level conversations really. I feel like I need some tips so I don’t make it too awkward!

Did anyone feel like your workplace treated you differently after finding out? I’m just wondering if they’re going to take me less seriously if I say something, it doesn’t work and then not only am I childless but stuck in my career too 🙄

I’m probably overthinking it, I know it’s her job to support me and I’m sure she will but now it’s coming closer to me having to say something I can’t even think of how to start the conversation

@OhPeanuts - I was in the same situation as you. I had never had a personal level conversation with my manager until I dumped everything on her for the first time. And I couldn't believe how supportive she was.

Re: treating me differently - I kindly but firmly told her that I don't want her to treat me differently at all. i.e. i don't want our working relationship to change. I also told her i am not asking for leniency but that I will be away and may need to work odd hours some time. I also told her that if she ever feels the work is being affected or I am not doing my part then she must tell me.

I told work for the first two IVF cycles. The first time I gave them way too much information and scared the life out of them. They were very nice but a bit overwhelmed. I literally gave my boss a massive chart with all the possible days I might be off depending how long I did stims for etc. I was crazy but caught up in the intensity of it.

By the time of my 2nd cycle, we had an HR person in place. She said that it was enough to say I was doing it and that if necessary I would rearrange any meetings / take days off as needed. She said to treat it like anything else that can come up at short notice. So I did that instead and it was easier for all of us!

So my advice is (and it obviously depends a bit on whether your work are generally supportive) to tell them but not give too much detail.

Good luck with it all
Xxx

I work for a regional medium sized company and didnt tell anyone. I have an incredible and supportive manager who would have supported me through it but unfortunately the policy is that he would have had to notify HR and the culture of the business is so backwards and cut-throat, especially now with redundancies on the horizon that I didnt want to give them an excuse to constructively get rid of me before needing to go on maternity.
It's a shame and the business is dreadful but if you have a very supportive business and working environment then it would have been much nicer and less stressful telling someone about it. I just took the appt. Days as holiday and luckily there were no last minute changes to the plan.

We have monthly 1-2-1s and have to complete a wellbeing section on the form which we send a couple of days in advance of the face to face meeting. Within there I said I was going to need some confidential support from my line manager for some upcoming medical appts and treatments. So he knew something was coming. Then when we had the meeting he said medical appts were fine and he would support me with whatever I needed and then I said I would feel more comfortable if he knew what it was and explained we’re starting IVF. I’d already researched the company policy so explained that to him as I knew he wouldn’t know and have put provisional time off needed for egg collection and transfer in his diary just as “Michelle Off?” - he doesn’t need the detail! He just needs to know when I might not be around as much so he can plan his time. He was super supportive and said he’ll cover me whenever I need him to.

Thanks everyone! The clinic have told me I need to self isolate prior to egg collection so I will have to let them know I think! I didn't want to but reading everyone's messages I can see there might be some benefits from doing so so thank you XX

If you actively don't want to tell them can you say you're having a day procedure without giving the detail.

If you're happy enough to tell them, hope they are supportive. Many here have had that experience, at the end of the day do what is right for you. I was just trying to say it doesn't have to be a given.
My work also gives time off to men to attend appointments and on paper is supportive but it would not have been a good move career wise to tell them.
I'm still glad I didn't tell them, although the one who would've given me most grief was my PA. When we were recruiting she advised me not to hire any younger women in case they got pregnant so would not have been impressed. I did remind her of the law regarding discrimination, and she has still not got over the fact we hired a 28 year old woman!

I didn’t tell them for my first round but told them about the resultant miscarriage, I think I’ll tell them about the next steps as I’m entitled to 5 days off for ivf and so far I’ve used holidays which isn’t sustainable.

I haven't told work about any of my 2 - soon to be 3 - cycles. Two reasons for this 1) most people who haven't been through IVF don't understand it, and think IVF = baby, when of course that isn't always the case. If it didn't work, I didn't want to have to explain this to yet another person, and if it did work then I didn't want people to know until the 12 week mark and 2) I too didn't think it would be a good move career wise. As much as discrimination is illegal it didn't mean it doesn't happen, and as JeNeBaguetteRien demonstrated above, plenty of people have bias against pregnant / planning to become pregnant women! I hope to get a promotion next year but I'm sure that wouldn't happen if I had told them about the IVF.

Appointments I've used a combination of: zoom calls recently for all consultations / reviews, appointments before work, using holiday, having the odd 'dentist' or 'doctor' appointments (that one is technically true!) I find it's pretty easy whilst WFH, to work a bit earlier or later to accommodate appointments. Of course completly depends on your workplace.