Help - I'm sinking today...

[NRW39]

I'm so low today. I'm so sick of this situation.

I'm 41. MFI. 5th round of treatment was negative last month. Previous to that, I've had 2 failures and 2 MCs: most recent was last December; I was 9 weeks.

I'm so lost. I feel like I've got noone to talk to you. My partner doesn't get it. He was blessed with a child conceived via IVF with his previous partner 9 years ago, so he already has that joy of being a parent. I want that so badly- for me, for us.

He doesn't understand. I know you can't make someone understand fully, but it's frustrating.

I'm just so angry today. It seems to get harder and harder and this week end we have his child and I can't be around them at the moment: it literally feels painful.

We have been in IVF counselling for over a year now. I don't even know if it's 'helping' anymore.

Thank you for listening ladies. I know I'm not alone with you lot here! Xx

@NRW39 I’m sorry you are feeling so down. Sounds like a rough and difficult journey. Fertility problems are such a bitch. I don’t have any solutions but wanted to offer some support. Have you decided what you want to do next or is it all too raw at the moment to make any decisions? X

@Lemongrass1
I 'remember you' from previous threads...

Thank you, that's all i need right now: to off load.

I'm having a break. I did 3 cycles last year and one FET this year- I'm so wrung out, I couldn't imagine going through another cycle just yet.

I have decided that I wanna switch though- I'm currently with a hospital, but (tentatively) looking into clinics, namely Create.

How's things going with you?

@NRW39 feel free to vent away! A break sounds like a good idea to recover and gather your thoughts. I considered care and create when our clinic closed during lockdown (we were private with a NHS clinic). We are still with same clinic but I wonder how long they will stay open if COVID kicks off. I reckon a private clinic is a much better bet and prob more individualised care.

Am doing ok, had ET yesterday so in the 2ww. Not terribly hopeful but we will see. I think I’ve got one last go in me before we call it a day.

Hi @NRW39 💐 that sounds so difficult that your partner and you just can't be "in the same boat" on this issue, but even when people are both childless not by choice they won't always feel exactly the same way. But yes there is of course a difference when there is no certainty that the treatment will work and if it doesn't you're the one not experiencing parenthood.

Create have webinars each week if you're interested in them.

@Lemongrass1 good luck!

Sorry to hear what you’re going through. You’re not alone.
No IVF here but 2 miscarriages this year and 2 previously now with fertility services at 29y. I feel your pain. It’s a waiting game all round and the current pandemic is only making things more difficult. Happily married, no children on either part and just yearning for it, it’s terribly sad. In the same boat in the sense that we’d do anything for a healthy baby of our own. Don’t wish to play the small violin but it truly does hurt. Similar to you, it you feels like there aren’t many places to voice to. There’s can only be better things ahead.

Thanks @Lemongrass1. It's all so bloody exhausting. Feel like I don't have much left to give, but I'm a stubborn cow so I'm gonna give it another go: 2 vials of sperm in the freezer, so we might as well use them!! Yeah, Create does seem to offer an approach geared at the individual... they have a weekly webinar, so I've registered for next Tuesday...

That's great-Fingers crossed @Lemongrass1. Hoping you manage to 'cope' ok during the 2ww. I think it's the hardest part of the process. Best wishes in staying sane Xx

Thanks @JeNeBaguetteRien.

I've registered with the webinar at Create for next week. I've got loads of questions but whittled down to 10

@RainbowTime - So sorry for your losses, especially having to deal with two in the same year aswell. Life can be so cruel.

Play the small violin: We're all entitled to 'feel sorry' for ourselves every now and again. I know I do. I mean I couldn't even talk yesterday, i turned my phone off and went back to bed at about midday and stayed there until 10pm. I needed it. It helped. And I'm doing 'better' today.

P.s I'm not usually one for giving unsolicited advice or suggestions (you get ALOT of that during IVF) although what I'm gonna say isn't advice, just something that I did... i did a memory box after my MC in December and I found it helpful. I wrote a letter to the baby; which helped me get things off my chest that I couldn't say out loud, and I put some dried pasta in there too, as i craved pasta in a ridiculous way and a few other bits too...

I feel like I'm rambling on now.

Really sorry to hear about what you’ve all been through.

I don’t know how we all do it over and over. Hope doesn’t seem to go even after it all.

There are times of hopelessness but hope is always there in a way otherwise I guess we wouldn’t try again.

Just waiting for the next part of the process. Best of luck guys. Just remember you’re not alone.

I really wish it happens for u. I know it can seem Like your in a deep hole and
Nowhere out but it will happen and i am a big believer in faith. Don’t despair. It only take one egg.

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Fertility problems are so unfair and exhausting and frustrating and just take everything out of you. I think it can be hard for others to understand who haven't been through it and we are definitely allowed to vent!
Wishing you the best of luck in the next stage of the journey X