Secondary infertility - male factor- gutted

[Smoby]

Hi

This is my first time posting on the Infertility board, although I’ve posted on Conception a few times.

Been TTC #2 for a year. Just had the results of our investigations. I knew something was wrong, but I assumed that the issue would be with me. Was really shocked to hear that we have male factor. My DH’s SA came back as low motility (26%), all other results were fine.

The clinic has recommended IVF although said we were unlikely to need ICSI. They’ve suggested my DH takes Impryl to try and improve the motility but even the Dr seemed very dubious that any supplement would help. My DH doesn’t smoke, has an excellent diet and doesn’t drink much, so I feel like the chances of doing something to change the results are slim.

I feel absolutely gutted. We would have to pay privately for IVF and we can’t afford it. I’m struggling to deal with my emotions on this but I feel like I can’t talk to my DH as I don’t want him to feel guilty. He has also made me promise not to tell anyone about the results- so it’s not like I can talk to anyone else.

I don’t know what I can do to get over this. I desperately don’t want my DS to be an only child. I guess it’s still possible for it to happen naturally but I find TTC so all encompassing that the thought of going through the process for years just hoping that it might work fills me with dread. I want to enjoy my life and the DS I do have, but TTC just takes over.

Anyway, not really sure why I’m posting. Just need to get this off my chest as I can’t say it to anyone out loud.

We're in a similar boat, TTC number 2 for a year. My husbands results came back with low morphology but other results were ok.

We were told the results did not mean we couldn't conceive naturally.

Due to our ages (37 & 44) the advise was to keep trying for another 4/5 cycles which would bring us to the end of this year, and if we still hadn't conceived, to try IVF with ICSI.

We were also told not to waste our money on supplements but my DH has been taking proxeed as I'd read that other clinics recommend it.

Have they told you that you won't conceive naturally?

Sorry to hear you're in the same boat.

They've said that given we already have a child it is possible in theory for us to conceive naturally. However the thought of continuing to try for years and years with all of the hope and disappointment fills me with dread. It kind of feels like my life has been on hold for the year that we've been TTC and it looks like that's just going to continue.

I'm feeling very negative about the whole thing. Hopefully it's just the shock of the diagnosis and I feel better in time.

I feel the same, this entire year has been about TTC and little else. It only took us 2 months to conceive our son, so I assumed I'd get pregnant straight away.

It was my sons 2nd birthday 2 weeks ago and I cried so much the entire weekend as I thought I'd have a baby or be about to have one by the time he was 2.

Because I'm 37 I'm also worried about egg quality which they can't test for.

Has your partner only have 1 semen analysis? My GP told me it can take a couple to get an accurate picture, but the consultant at the fertility clinic never mentioned this. I'm hoping my DH will after another test in 6 weeks or so, and hoping r see some improvement after being on Proxeed.

I can totally relate. I conceived my son in the first month of trying. I then got pregnant unexpectedly in 2018 but it was ectopic (thankfully ended on its own so no surgery etc needed). However these factors also made me assume that I'd conceive a second easily. we had actually put off having a second as My husband was going through a hard patch in work (he has his own business) and I Accepted this as I stupidly thought we could determine when we'd have a baby! In some ways this has made things even harder, as I feel huge regret about putting it off (and, if I'm honest, a little resentment towards him for us having to do that (i know deep down I'm being selfish about that part)).

I can completely understand why you were so upset on your little one's second birthday. My son will be 4 soon and I'm having to come to terms with the fact that there will be a massive age gap between him and a sibling (if he even ever gets one).

Yes we've only had one SA. The clinic didn't mention having another one, but the dr did say that the samples could fluctuate. It did cross my mind about whether we should do another test to double check - I might consider it in a few months.

Hi OP - IVF is affordable in a lot of ways - most clinics have finance options and we took out a bank loan over 5 years for £275 a month for £13.5k which got us 3 rounds with all the drugs and ICSI with Create (natural modified IVF)
If your son is 4 then he'll be starting school soon so presumably childcare costs will drop? We waited until DD was 4 - up to that point we were paying £850 / month for childcare but now she's at school the cost of the IVF loan is less than 1/2 what were were paying out before

@ivfbeenbusy thank you and yes I guess that could be a possibility in the future. We currently pay about £400 per month for childcare. When my son goes to school next year perhaps getting a loan/finance is a possibility.

Hopefully when I get over the shock I'll start to get a bit of PMA and look for ways to make things happen.