TTC month 20 losing hope

[Kermit7]

Hi all,

At 39, TTC for first baby. I will have to accept the fact that it won’t happen naturally. Also, dreading periods every month cause I get excruciating pain on my right shoulder just before and during period. So tired, so fed up, lost for words. Tried so many things - acupuncture, castor oil, lots of tests... fluctuating between feeling positive to feeling incredibly down. Anyone who has a similar story that ends with a happy ending?

Sadly not. We have been trying for 26 months, Clomid didn’t work and neither did IVF. Hopefully someone comes along with something more constructive than me....

Has anyone like a gynae ever mentioned the word "endometriosis" to you?. This is the first thing that came to mind when I was reading about your cyclical pain in your right shoulder. Endo can spread to many different parts of the body and causes pain like described.

At the very least you need to be under the care of a gynae at a subfertility unit.

What did your lots of tests tell you? Has your partner also been tested?
Are you planning on trying any fertility treatment based on the results of the tests? While the chances are not amazing they are still chances.
There are a few posters here who have ruled out IVF as not for them, if that's how you feel you could start a thread to connect with others.
I can't tell from your post if you are hoping for stories of a happy ending without intervention if you see what I mean?
Good luck in any case.

Thanks all for your replies. Indeed, diaphragmic endometriosis is what I heard from a gynaecologist. But they can’t be certain as they would need to do a laparoscopic surgery, which defeats the point of TTC, said the GP. Other tests included blood, semen analysis, ultrasound - all normal. IVF seems to be the best option. We will see. For all of you who are trying to conceive - positive thoughts and babydust!

Why would laparoscopic surgery defeat the point of ttc?. What on earth was the GP on about?.

Any pain that is cyclical in nature and or get worse up to and including menses should be checked to see if endometriosis is present. Tests like blood tests and internal ultrasounds do not detect endo if it is present

@AttilaTheMeerkat l was thinking the same, it doesn’t make sense

@AttilaTheMeerkat Thank you. I agree, and challenged the GP, too. Asked another doc to be referred to a gynaecologist. Fingers crossed. Thank you.

I'm 38 and have been TTC for many years now and have done 3 rounds of IVF. Originally doctors thought we were male factor but they are finally recognising that I may have endometriosis (I have similar pain as you describe). But as there is no evidence of endo in my womb or ovaries they say it shouldn't intervene with the IVF process. Because a laparoscopy would mean many months of waiting and many months of recovery time they think it would be counterproductive because of my age. Instead the hope is to down regulate before treatment to control the condition. If you don't want to do IVF I have seen many research papers where women do have laparoscopic operations and fall pregnant naturally. I hope you are able to see a different gynecologist soon who will give you some answers. Take care xx

@Matilda128 Thank you so much for your message. It is nice to know that I am not alone in this difficult journey. Very much appreciated.

@Kermit7 it took me 10yrs that’s 120mths ttc and 5 private ivf to get my one and only bfp

I was almost 44 when gave birth

She is now 3.5 and my world

I think you need to seriously consider ivf

I’m not sure why a laparoscopy would hinder ttc

Most of us with infertility problems would have a laparoscopy

@Blondeshavemorefun This is amazingly positive and put a smile on my face. Thinking more about IVF than ever before. Thank you for sharing your positive story.

Not sure why they /you said many months of recovery time

Doc said to me afterwards as I was coming round from general that they recommend ivf ASAP esp due to my age which I think was 38/39 then

Most things they say have a natural period then start ivf

And thanks @Kermit7. Hope I gave uou hope rather then omg how many years

We got there eventually

Obv I know not all do but worth trying ivf

I don’t know if you have the funds to go private - but due to age I would reconmend

I lost my nhs as df has 3 kids in 20’s at the time

We save, borrowed , got loan (blood hard paying that off when failed) as well as credit cards and overtime etx

As time was an essence

@Blondeshavemorefun Thank you so much. You have no idea how much hope reading your words give me!

It took us 8 years (don't want to count the months!) for our only BFP. 3 goes at IVF, thousands spent. One child. Now a teenager.

Worth every penny, tear, hour, prayer for them. Don't regret giving it everything to eventually get there. As the pp above says, they are our world.

Please remember that you are definitely not alone. Sadly there are many, many of us that have been in your shoes. None of us know whether or not you will get your longed for child, but we do all understand, sympathise, have been there and want to help. Reach out and we are listening.

@Blondeshavemorefun
I was having a really sh*t day, then I read your post. Bloody amazing. There is hope yet... Xx

Best wishes ladies

@Didthatreallyhappen2 You are amazing! Thank you for sharing this. I am so pleased to have shared this post. So much positivity here that has been lifting me up so much. Thank you!

@NRW39 glad gives you hope

Yes the 4 failed attempts destroyed us

Mentally emotionally physically and financially as she cost £27k

But

Worth it