Struggling to come to terms with potential IVF referral

[Grumpsy]

I finally had a gynae appointment yesterday, my partner needs to go back for a repeat semen analysis, but if the results are the same, the consultant has said our next steps will be ivf. (We have male factor only).

I’m struggling to come to terms with this. I don’t know how I’ll cope with the mental strain of going through ivf. I already feel quite broken, and I’m unsure how I’d cope if it fails.

I’ve tried speaking to my partner, who thinks I’m giving up before we’ve even begun. I’m getting frustrated as he doesn’t seem to appreciate the strain it will put me under. His part will be over in a few minutes where as I will become a hormone pin cushion and have to undergo numerous procedures.

I think I just need someone to give an honest appraisal of going through the ivf process. I also just needed somewhere to share my feelings where they won’t be brushed off as quitting, or him thinking that I’m being selfish for having concerns.

I just thought I’d add that I have a stressful high pressure career, I’m wondering how I’ll cope with this whilst undergoing ivf at the same time. I’m on what seems to be an emotional rollercoaster at the moment, one day I embrace the prognosis, the next the thought of it makes me want to curl in a ball and cry.

Can someone post a link to buy proxeed plus?

I’m not going to lie, it’s a bit of a nightmare. But ours was a massive waste of time as we ended up with a load of abnormal embryos which we binned yesterday. I’m still resentful the best part of a year later: I gained the best part of a stone (thanks to Clomid and IVF), have ovarian cysts and my mental health isn’t great. Especially as all my partner did was wank into a cup and l felt rather unwell for weeks. At various points he could have been more supportive but wasn’t. The endless 6 weeks of bleeding after it failed no one warned me about was especially shit

It’s been a few years since I did IVF(ICSI) but I felt exactly the same as you. I resented the fact I had to be prodded and poked and undergo surgery for something that wasn’t my fault! Selfish thinking but then infertility makes you irrational!

I delayed twice and it was 12-18 months later before I could get my head round it and do a round. What persuaded me was the pain I felt with every pregnancy announcement. I knew I had to give it a go before time ran out.

If you haven’t already read it, it’s worth reading It Starts With The Egg and starting on supplements like COQ10 etc to give yourself the best chance.

Some other good advice upthread, about giving DH the job of preparing the drugs and administering the injections. It’s his job to be involved and support you through this.

Best of luck.

@TheMagicDeckchair I take it it worked for you then? Thanks for sharing your story.

@notyetamumbuttrying it worked the second time around, first round ended in a CP. Unfortunately had none to freeze from first round so had to do another fresh one.

@TheMagicDeckchair aw I'm glad you got your baby 🥰

@notyetamumbuttrying she was well worth it- but it’s hard to believe that if the round doesn’t work. Wishing you all the best of luck.

We also have MFI, morphology was counted at 0.5% on one SA!
I had IVF at the end of 2017 at an NHS clinic. We were down for ICSI but my husband's sample on the day was considered good so they just did standard IVF.
We only had 3 eggs collected on short protocol, all fertilised but on day 2 one had failed and the other two were at 6 cells and 8 cells so we had to go back and do a day 3 transfer rather than wait for a blastocyst.
The IVF cycle was fine, I felt fairly well throughout and I don't really mind the poking/prodding. It felt like we finally had something to focus on after 2 years unsuccessful ttc.
The wait to test was the worst for me. But we were very lucky and one of those embryos stuck! Our daughter is now 2

We are going to ttc another after a (naturally conceived) MMC earlier this month. But tbh, I personally would rather do IVF again than face disappointing ttc for years as before. I wish we could afford IVF again

Sending lots of love to everyone going through this.
I hate all of the helpful 'advice' I keep getting which is obviously all centred around what the women should do!
I'm glad it's not just me who has the issues with DH I have to constantly remind him to take supplements and he won't listen at all regarding exercise and diet and I just keep snapping but then trying to hold my tongue so I don't say anything too harsh in the heat of the moment. I don't blame him for one second but I hate that I'm the one who has to put my body through daily hormones and sedation, I think I might find it easier to accept if it was an issue with me but then I feel awful for thinking like that as it's no one's fault and just a rubbish situation we are in.
@Grumpsy hopefully stopping smoking will help improve things at the next SA x

@Roo45 It is probably useful to stop thinking in terms of ‘who has the problem’ - I’ve always looked at it that if WE want a child WE need ivf. It doesn’t matter who has the issue. I rarely thought about who was the issue from our diagnosis as we both went on supplements cleaned up our diet and prepared for the round. When we started ivf it also showed up pretty quickly that even though all my tests came back above average for my age with good AMH and AFC etc we also have egg quality issues and I respond really poorly to all the ivf meds. So it wasn’t as clear cut as to why we weren’t getting pregnant.

@Racinglikeapronow that's very true. I think I've been allowing everything to build in my head and get worked up I've had a lot more free time during the lockdown with less work and starting IVF on hold. I know it's something where we need to support each other to get through it. Trying to find ways to distract myself too.
Good luck to everyone XX