MFI argument/isolation any advice

[Roo45]

Hello all! Hope anyone who's been through a similar situation can give advice essentially TTC a few years MFI and hopefully awaiting IVF soon. As more and more people are asking us about kids DH says he doesn't want others to know the reason, but several months ago I told a close family member and I told him I had told them and now he's quite upset with me and I don't know what to do. I fully understand his point of view but I've found this whole process so isolating, just seem to be surrounded by pregnancy announcements and baby photos constantly, I'm already worried about the stress of IVF when I haven't even started it yet! I find it hard keeping it all bottled up.

I think it is his decision whether you tell the specific issue. If it was a female issue would you have no problem with him announcing to his mates or family ‘oh we can’t have kids cause roo has problems/is infertile I’m absolutely fine it’s her with the problems’

I don’t think that saying the specific issue is needed re isolation. Maybe you can agree with him that you can tell others that you are struggling to conceive and will need ivf but not go into detail why. If he doesn’t want anyone to know full stop it could be worth going to counsellor Together to help with how it’s morning to be ashamed of as I do agree it’s good to have support during the process.

I feel for you, we're in a similar position but have recently found that I have PCO as well so problems on both sides.

My DH was asked to give up alcohol and caffeine in between semen analysis to see if it would make an improvement and that sort of pushed him to tell people the reason as he didn't want to get into telling stories to cover it up.

I understand why people feel embarrassed but feel like it should be more of an open topic so people going through it don't feel so alone. I suppose the only way to do that is to talk about it more openly but everyone has to make that call for themselves if they feel happy to do so.

I think it's hard for men where there is MFI as they can feel like it makes them less of a man somehow. Which is silly of course, but I guess so much of a man's sense of worth is tied up with their genetalia that I can kind of understand it. I think you have to respect your husband's feelings and not being up the details of your infertility, as it means disclosing private medical information about him. However, I don't think you need to keep the IVF a secret - most people are discrete enough not to ask why you need it, and if they do you can always just tell them you'd rather now say. Maybe reassure your DH that you won't be mentioning specifics about why you need IVF, but tell him how much you need to be able to talk about the process with others.

I think as others say you can get support without having to go into the exact reasons for why you need IVF, the fact is that you as a couple do.
Then think about where you can get that support, some on here but maybe also infertility network groups, have you got friends or family who would actually be supportive.
I haven't told my family as they would actually make things worse with their platitudes and praying but some friends know. Some friends I wish I hadn't said anything as they have been pretty crap about it really so choose wisely!
If there is any way to help your DH feel supported that would be good.
Also on a practical note check if there is anything that can be done physically for your DH, a lot of people here have seen Dr Jonathan Ramsay for an opinion.

Thanks so much everyone...wishing you all the best XX