Have you tried not trying?

[OffForARun]

And other comments that make me want to scream:

• You just need to relax, then it'll happen
• Have you tried eating lots of pineapple?
• The neighbour of my third cousin's aunt swears that she fell pregnant after having acupuncture
• Have you thought about adoption?
• Well I fell pregnant first time (great, good for you)
• There's always IVF
• A friend of my dog sitter swears as soon as she stopped thinking about it, it happened and now she has twins

Arrrrggg.

All of the above. My mum is convinced yoga will make it happen (almost 14 months trying, cycle 17, AMH 6.3 at age 31). She keeps talking about how great yoga is to help you 'relax and take your mind off things'. Whilst pretending she's not directing the comment at me. Almost wishing I hadn't told her we're starting IVF in Oct 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

People are unhelpful idiots.

Most of the time it either comes from a place of wanting to be helpful or just not knowing what to say.

I’ve had all of those, plus going on holiday, getting drunk, the power of prayer, fertility lube, turmeric...

The adoption thing pisses me off. As if anyone struggling with fertility isn’t aware of adoption.

The pharamacist even said to me ‘go get a bottle of tequila’ when I was buying ovulation sticks once 😳

The adoption thing pisses me off. As if anyone struggling with fertility isn’t aware of adoption.

Exactly! And suggesting adoption as an easy 'obvious and natural' Plan B is just hurtful.

Adoption in itself is a huge undertaking, the process is long and invasive, you don't just go and pick a kid from a magazine.

People just don't think.

@Evey43

The pharamacist even said to me ‘go get a bottle of tequila’ when I was buying ovulation sticks once 😳

Oh God! Did you say anything back?

I'd have politely laughed and then immediately wished I had said a witty comeback about minding their own business!

"Are you sure you're doing it right?"

There are no words ....

Ah yeah just do a few downward dogs and boom, you'll conceive!

But I know what you mean - I confided in a few friends and one in particular has really changed her behaviour (she has DC) and I wish I hadn't said anything now.

My mother suggested I go to church more........I'm Not religious! (And neither is she really!)

@OffForARun

I did exactly that! I’m usually quiet assertive and would have called him on but it took me completely off guard.

Then!.....When buying a pregnancy test during our first IVF go (BNF) the lady at the check out asked ‘if positive, is it good news or bad news’. WTF! 🤦‍♀️

We’re contending with random idiot strangers as well

Ah the great there's always adoption (or in our case sperm donation). people don't quite get it's not the same thing. I was never the broody type and never really wanted kids that much til i met my DH. I don't want A baby I want HIS babies. i want to fill the world with little versions of him as the world would be a better place.

Have you ever looked at r/shittyfertilityadvice on reddit. it's hilarious

My new favourite is my friend who went through 3 years of infertility alongside me. We often discussed it and how hard it was. She had one failed round of ivf and went on to conceive naturally while we have gotten nowhere with 3 rounds of ivf.

The first time I met her after baby was born
“Just relax and it’ll happen”
“ you need to give up that’s when it happened for us” (I really wanted to say if you’d given up why were you attending acupuncture for fertility at the time)
And my all time fave “you’re only young why are you worrying “ eh we are the same age.

It’s mad how once baby arrived she morphed over time the other side and seemed to forget all the heartache and worry she had about her age, trying for so long etc.

The unicorn couple.

EVERYONE knows a unicorn couple, EVERYONE loves to tell you the story of the unicorn couple they know E.g. “their neighbours cousin’s Hairdresser’s daughter’s best friend’s second cousin twice removed who had 200 cycles of IVF, she had no tubes or eggs, he had a low sperm count, after 200 failed cycles of IVF they gave up, went on holiday, got drunk, relaxed and BAM she got pregnant naturally with triplets”. (Of course). Or similar other such tripe.

My friend who is 22 weeks (with her second may I add, didn’t have to try with either of them) told me last week that I’m too stressed to conceive

Erm no. I’m stressed by people like you telling me I’m stressed. I’m not stressed. Omg now I’m justifying myself about not being stressed and that’s making me feel stressed. GO AWAY

Aaaaaaand repeat next time someone tells me to relax.

MIL keeps saying she is praying for us. We’re not religious and it just annoys me. She means well, I know she does but the comments all the time aren’t helpful

@EarlGreyT yes I saw one on here (AIBU) where someone said her friends had tried for years, they were both late 40’s went on holiday to Greece and bam natural pregnancy. I mean the reality is they likely went to Greece used donor eggs and got pregnant!!!

@Racinglikeapronow
Yep I saw that one too. I think the couple were 48 and 52 and after something like 12 years of failed IVF they gave up, went on holiday and she “naturally got pregnant with twins”.

You can almost guarantee that any advice which either starts with “have you tried...?” Or “you could JUST.....” is going to be a) something really useless and b) something really annoying which you’ve heard about 1000 times before.