How best to cope with the stress and waiting?

[CC81]

Hey all, you may have seen from a couple of my other threads that I'm new to all this (I'm trying to keep my threads topic-focused, rather than everything in one!). I'm finding these forums helpful for support.

I'm already struggling with the stress and really don't want this situation to overwhelm and ruin my life. To cap it all off, I'm worried about the short-term impact of stress on my biological situation - which I really don't need at all.

Is there any way to reduce the impact? Do you have any advice?

To summarise:

I'm in the very early stages of investigating fertility treatment options, but I'm 38 (39 in October) and extremely worried about time.

I have an appointment booked for AMH/AFC tests in early September, then will get the results at a consultation three weeks later (private clinic).

In the meantime, I've had a worrying FSH test result from my GP (15.9), which was a shock, as previous tests have been normal. I have reasonably regular cycles and tests indicate that I'm ovulating. My general health seems okay.

In a bid to improve egg quality, I'm taking 200mg of ubiquinol and 100mg of vitamin B each day, along with Pregnacare for conception. I've also booked an acupuncture appointment for next week.

Is there anything else I could be doing???!

I don't want to discuss it with family/friends, as I don't want everyone looking at me with pity or worry. I think that would only magnify the stress and make me feel even more sorry for myself, especially in the future (if this doesn't work out). I don't want to be defined by it, even in my own mind. But it's bloody hard.

I'd change your supplement to Proceive Max for women which is designed for women (and men) over 35 and has more "stuff" in it at higher concentrations

I have to say that all the added "supplements" people talk about had no effect on the success or lack of of my cycles. In fact my best cycle which resulted in my current pregnancy with frozen embryos was the one straight after Xmas after weeks of drinking and general gluttony (same for partner). The cycle after lockdown having had 3 months of little stress, healthy lifestyle healthy eating exercising and losing weight and loads of supplements yielded the worst results. So I'm sceptical about the impact it really has (and having done 5 cycles in 18 months I've got more experience and knowledge now about what might have made the difference or what didn't)

Are you going private or NHS? Given your age I would skip the NHS If you can afford it and go straight to private where the waiting lists are much much lower x

@ivfdreaming - Thank you very much - I will look into Proceive Max (I'll switch once the Pregnacare runs out, as it's halfway through a pack).

And yes, I've got the next tests booked at a private clinic. Not hopeful, but at least it's a start.

I think there's a LOT to be said for relaxing and doing enjoyable things where possible, instead of stressing over being 'healthy'. And your experience definitely seems to back that up! That's mainly why I'm so keen to sort myself out and find ways to reduce stress. I hope the acupuncture will help.

We conceived our first child naturally three years ago (age 35) in our first month of trying, at a happy time for us. The pregnancy was very straightforward. For all I know, I may have had high FSH back then, too, but the right egg got through at the right time.

Whereas this second attempt has been mostly during CV19 lockdown - I spent four months trying to do childcare for a todder and run two businesses from home, which was very difficult. And now the fertility stress! So the timing hasn't been great.

I'm aware I'm very fortunate to have one child already. We really want to give her a sibling (I didn't realise how important it was to me, until suddenly faced with potential problems).

Sounds like you are doing all the right things @CC81

I'm trying not to get too caught up in 'am I doing it right/am I doing enough' thinking. I'm know I'm doing all the things can do - all the supplements, lifestyle things. After a bit it feels to me like we are looking for things to control in an uncontrollable situation. A stick to beat ourselves with if it goes wrong. That's what I tell myself anyway to manage my stress. It will work or it won't and I'm doing everything I can.

Sorry if that's not massively helpful!

One thing though in addition to acupuncture (which I'm starting next month) is an acupressure mat. I do 20 mins a day on it at the moment with a meditation session playing in the background. Its really chilling me out. Also keeping a diary so I've somewhere to put my stressy thoughts when they get too much.

Thanks @peanutsandpinenuts - I think you're probably right, about the control thing!

I find I can only get things off my mind if I feel like I've taken all the steps available to me (in terms of getting appointments booked, researching and discussing particular issues, etc.).

But in day-to-day terms, I don't want to make every second of my existence about fertility, as that would be a huge amount of pressure. It would feel excessive to deprive myself things I enjoy and that help me unwind, after a difficult week!

I'll definitely look into the acupressure mat, thanks. As for a diary, these forums are currently fulfilling that function for me!

FSH is the least reliable indicator of egg reserve. Don't worry about that until you get the rest of your results. My FSH has been high for years but at 40 my AMH is 13 and I have plenty of follicles so there are still some eggs in my ovaries.

Try not to worry about things that are beyond your control. Focus on the things you can control and make you feel better, but don't get obsessive.

Patience is required in this fertility game, so although being told to relax is the most annoying thing, it does make the process easier if you can relax. I run as a de-stressor, and will be switching to Yoga with Adrienne for the curation of my treatment instead, but find what works for you.

*duration, but hopefully it is a curation too! (I know it isn't a word but it should be).

@79andnotout - Thanks very much. I think I've somewhat gone off the deep end about my FSH result... I've assumed it means that my AMH will also be awful and the private clinic will tell me it's all hopeless. It's encouraging to hear that your experience has been different to that.

Do you mind me asking how high your FSH is? I'm wondering if mine has also been high for years, but I was just lucky to conceive my first child at 35 (as I've read that high FSH / low egg reserve isn't necessarily a barrier to natural conception, providing ovulation is happening).

Anyway... yes, you're right. I'm starting acupuncture next week and also taking steps to manage my stress day-to-day, by compartmentalising work, fertility-obsessing time (!) and fun stuff.

@CC81 I first had my FSH tested four years ago and it was around 14.
I last had it tested about a year ago and it was 10. So in a similar range, but it's just fluctuating slightly and not ramping up rapidly towards menopause yet. It will be interesting to see if I respond to the IVF stims. I should be starting any day now so can let you know how that goes.

@79andnotout - Ah, so not too far away from my FSH result! It's interesting (and helpful) to hear that it's varied quite a bit and yet not changed massively across 4 years. Hopefully mine is similar.

Definitely let us know how you get on - massive fingers crossed for you!!! x

Quick update to this thread - I ended up getting pregnant naturally, despite my blood results. Stress was definitely a part of the puzzle! Hope it's useful for others to read.

Story here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/infertility/4290062-Update-Low-AMH-success-story-hope-it-helps