I've lost 2 years of my life

[TheBeesKnee]

This time 2 years ago we decided to start TTC. Little did I know we would have such trouble. I've wasted my life these last 2 years looking forward to the next month and the next month... I do nothing, I enjoy nothing, I am in a slump. I realised how bad it was when I considered waxing my moustache the highlight of my year so far. When I'm not working, I'm lying down. Wasting away.

I know it's not the be all and end all, but I used to document things I did and enjoyed on Instagram... I looked over it today and there are 10 posts from the last 2 years. Where has the time gone?

I feel like I'm waking up, kind of, but I am so depressed, I don't know how to move forward. What if we never have a baby? I can't spend the rest of my life like this. But I don't know how to live anymore.

Hey! I feel the same. We have also been ttc for 2 years and nothing. We had our first fertility appt in feb and was started on metformin for pcos. Semen analysis was fine. We keep putting off booking hols etc "incase I am pregnant" and it is just month after month of disappointment. It has taken over our lives.

This month we had a discussion and decided we are going to stop trying as of much. Threw away all the opks, deleted all the tracking apps etc. It was becoming too much stress and disappointment. We are trying to take a more relaxed approach wnd starting to enjoy sex again instead of it almost being a chore. Our follow up with fertility should have been june but due to covid god knows when it will be. Until then we have dropped everything. Was an upsetting decision to make but it all became too much for us. Maybe a more relaxed approach will help but who knows!

Hi @TheBeesKnee I am the same however we are a few months away from 3 years with two failed ivf and all the trauma of that under our belt. You know you’re not living when myself and DH were considering if we should go away to a hotel for the night but it would mean breaking our strict ivf diet. We’ve decided to go but not drink and have a salad for dinner and no dessert. This is our life now!!

However, you sound like your feeling are very severe and you might be suffering from depression? Have you sought counselling? What stage are you at on your fertility journey - have you been referred for ivf?

I do think if there is no baby we will at least be able to go places again and out for dinner / drinks / travel. This in between stage is the worst as you don’t want to do anything or plan anything either in case your pregnant or if it impacts on getting pregnant (trip to the pub etc).

Anyway I understand. It’s awful.

I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through! Fertility problems take a toll on our mental health :( I would suggest seeking support for your mental health such as from your GP or counselling if you haven't considered it already. Have you been referred for tests to look into what might be causing difficulty conceiving? Are there things you used to enjoy you can start up again? Do you have people you can talk to about how you're feeling and what your going through?
If you're anything like me it can feel like everyone seems to be able to get pregnant so easily and exactly when they want! And it's so frustrating when you don't seem to be able to. But I think people are less open about their struggles and you definitely aren't alone and support is there X

@TheBeesKnee you are so not alone and the depression is so real. And of course you're fully aware that you need to fight it, exercise, and eat healthy. It's been a two-year long journey for me as well, and while I tried to deny that I need ivf, I need ivf. I had four failed IUIs, five failed Clomid rounds, one chemical pregnancy. I am not here to tell you that you need ivf, as I'm not sure what you've tried so far, but what I do want to say is - keep trying, especially things you haven't done yet. Don't let yourself believe you've been wasting time, everyone's path is different. Don't set deadlines. And not that a chemical pregnancy is something to celebrate, but the month when we conceived was the least stressful in two years.

What treatments have you tried so far?

Hey, you are not alone.

We have been ttc for over 2 years, tried clomid with the NHS for 3 months with no luck. when we were about to sign up for IVF I found out I was pregnant, after having an xray and some acupuncture done, but sadly I had a miscarriage at 10 weeks a few months ago.

It sucks as a couple of my best friends just announced their pregnancy and even though it's selfish I really don't want to hear about it right now.

As this pregnancy was too much of a miracle to happen naturally we are checking IVF again and I have an appt this week to get things going.
It is difficult, sometimes I wonder if I will ever be a mom, as I am 36 but I am trying to remain hopeful and not think too much about it.
Hang in there and check out Izzy Judd's book about her struggle, it might help ypu x

Thanks everyone. Sorry I made a thread then didn't respond. I just didn't know how. I don't know what I expected. It's shit that others are also in this position.

Our issue is MFI. I don't particularly want to seek NFL from the GP, especially in the current climate.